On my first trip to Chicago, I had had the pleasure of eating at the fantastically scrumptious Lou Malnati’s, and had heard from native Chicagoans that Giordano’s was the other popular option for authentic Chicago deep-dish pizza. In my opinion, those two restaurants should not be mentioned in the same breath, as Giordano’s could not hold the tiniest birthday candle to the service, quality, flavor, and price of Lou Malnati’s. In those categories, Giordano’s was a pale shadow.

Service: the front counter was staffed by no fewer than 4 hostesses who seemed bored and resentful to be there, and it was only maybe 5 o’clock and the dining room was still mostly empty. Our server was nice; that was about the best that can be said about the service. She told us that the deep-dish pizza would take about 45-60 minutes to come out, which was a bit shocking, given that when we sat down, the restaurant was not busy at all.

About an hour into our wait, our server came out to laughingly explain that the kitchen had dropped one of the pizzas and was having to remake it. The nervous laughter was understandable. What was not understandable was that AN HOUR AND A HALF after ordering, our pizzas – one deep dish with standard toppings, the other a thin crust with 2-toppings – finally emerged from the kitchen. The 6-person table across the way - who had gotten seated after us - had already gotten their 3 pizzas and all of their food AND had almost finished their dinner before ours arrived.

Quality: we had fried calamari, a house salad, cheesy bread, and the two aforementioned pizzas. The quality of the food was…okay. Nothing special. We’ve had similar quality at chain franchises. The calamari and salad were at least fresh. The mozzarella in/on the pizza was decent, though nothing special. What made it worse is that because they had to remake the thin-crust pizza, when both pizzas came out, the deep-dish one was only lukewarm. Why was that pizza held back in the window instead of being brought out immediately??

Flavor: utterly lacking in depth, seasoning, and any sort of finesse. Calamari was well-cooked, but apparently someone in the kitchen decided that simply hovering a salt shaker next to the deep fryer would be enough to salt the dish. The tomato sauce tasted literally like crushed tomatoes, with no layers of salty, herby, or sweet. The pepper and onion in the deep dish pizza were totally unseasoned. Most disappointing of all, the deep dish crust had almost no flavor. Just dough without the savory, buttery combination of crunchy and chewy I had raved over at Lou's (see my other review for a description of my ecstacy at that place).

The best part of the meal was the cheesy garlic bread – there was an underlying creaminess to the garlic spread under the cheese that was unexpected and very pleasant. Have you ever eaten at a restaurant where the best part of the meal was the BREAD? That is a terribly sad realization. In terms of flavor for the rest of the meal…nothing ever broke the threshold of mediocre. The only reason this review rises to 2 stars is because of the BREAD. Let's think about that for a second.

I’ve had better Chicago pizza at Pizzeria Uno, which is stunning.

Price: Apps, drinks, and pizza for 3 people, with a decent tip for our server: $120. No discount for the wait that was twice as long as anticipated, no apology from the server or a visit from the manager at the end to acknowledge the kitchen kerfuffle. That’s a ridiculous price for a dining experience and meal that was a step below mediocrity, so mediocre that each of us only ate one slice of pizza each and gave all of our leftovers to a friendly unhoused person a couple of streets over.

So here’s to the guy sitting on a chair outside the 7-11 on Michigan Ave.: I’m very sorry we didn’t choose Lou Malnati’s.