Crystal Beach Suites Miami Oceanfront Hotel — Hotel in Miami Beach

We checked in at this hotel at 6:30pm on a Friday, handed our car keys to the valet guy (which is $30), went for a bite at the hot dog place across the street at 7ish, and were back to our room by 7:30pm. We got a call to our room at 9:30Pm, to tell us that the valet guy couldn’t get our car to move. We went down to the lobby, and noticed our car was still were we left it. When we spoke to the valet guy, he said the car was broken and he couldn’t take the key out of the ignition. When we went to look, the car was on “drive”, the gear shift knob button was broken, a piece was on the cars floor, and since the car could not be changed to park the key could not be taken out and the car could not be turned off, therefore the battery was also getting drained. We handed our keys to the valet person in his hands, and he dared to tell us we gave him our car already like that, yet the key was stuck when we came back down, so it was impossible. We went to talk to the person at the lobby, his name was Eddy Moreira, and he just told us to call the police, and we did. The police guys were trying to help us and understood our frustration, but since we had no proof they broke our car, it was our word against theirs and they advised us to seek legal help, and offered to call us a tow truck (they tried to help and believed us, but it was a civil matter). The tow truck didn’t get there until 12:30am. By that time our battery was already gone. We didn’t get to our room that night until 1:30am. Needless to say, we didn’t even want to stay there at that point. We live in Miami and the hotel is only 30min from us, but we booked it because we needed a break to relax after a very stressful month. We asked the front desk person If we could just check out and get at least a partial refund since we couldn’t enjoy the hotel and had to pay for a tow truck, but they took no responsibility, called us liars to our face, saying we dropped off our car broken already (impossible because we drove there, and handed the keys on their hands, yet when we came back the keys were stuck and the gear shift broken, you can’t drive it like that). They refused to refund us anything, not even the valet parking! He told us to come back at 8am and speak to his manager. The next morning we went down at 8am (only stayed at the hotel for less than 7 hours to sleep) and only after we had to tell them we wouldn’t leave until they reviewed our fees, they agreed to refund just parking ($30). I wouldn’t recommend this hotel to anyone. The customer service was the worst I’ve seen in my life. Do yourself a favor and stay away...

The interior is a bit tired. It could do with a wave of Laurence Llewelyn-Bowen's frilly cuff.

The Crystal Beach Suites sit on North Beach. And I mean literally on the beach. There's direct access through the back door, or a few metre shuffle out of the main front doors. If easy access through the back entrance is for you, you'll be very happy here.

Depending on your reasons for staying, the location may or may not be good for you. If you're 20 and want to party, go somewhere nearer South Beach. Otherwise, it's in a relatively quite location.

You're a dime's throw away from a small collection of restaurants and shops. There's a good Publix supermarket just up the road, but be warned, if you're not fond of devilishly attractive gymmed-up college guys in vests buying turkey sandwiches, you may want to avert your eyes.

My room was a little pink palace. Remember, this hotel consists of suites. As such, I had a kitchen/living room (very spacious), bathroom (with access from the living area and from the bedroom) and, of course, a bedroom. The kitchen was heavily pink. The storage in the living area was rather pink. And similarly, the shelving and storage in the bedroom was a bit pink. Or shall we say coral? Regardless, the pink made it look like a DIY job from the 60s.

Pink fetish aside, it was a really nice suite. Plenty of space to pirouette on return from the beach. It was well-equipped - microwave, small stove, dishwasher, coffee machine, etc.

There's a gym. It's big for a hotel gym. The equipment was probably installed in the 60s along with all that pink.

Oh, I should also mention all the mirrors. The suite is host to a veritable hall of mirrors, as is the waiting area beside the lifts. Val from Emmerdale would NOT like it here.

The one thing that has driven me apoplectic, though, is the contradictory approach too the environment. There's a plastic thing in the bedroom asking you to leave it on your bed if you don't want your sheets changing. Yet, I discovered that the cleaner has been running the dishwasher to clean the single solitary dirty coffee cup that I'd left...

DO NOT STAY HERE!!! Seriously. I paid $650 non-refundable (with and additional $15per day resort fee) for two days and was uncomfortable in this establishment the entire time. This hotel is very old and rundown, there is an abandoned building next door and you have to walk down a creepy alleyway to get to the pool (very scary at night). The location is not good even for the beach, it’s not a good location. The place was very smelly, we purchased a plug in and glade deodorizer and still could not eliminate the smell of mildew or old wet carpet. Our television’s volume went from normal, to very low, to extremely loud every two to three minutes. When we approached the front desk, the receptionist was already aware of the volume issue and stated he would send maintenance to the room. When the maintenance person arrived to the room he only spoke Spanish and we only speak English, after explaining to him that we did not speak Spanish and attempting to use the translation app, he gestured that he would be back in five minutes but, not before he entered the bedroom and made a call in Spanish on the phone for a few minutes, he left and never returned. We approached the front desk with the problem again the next day because there are signs all over the hotel that stated that maintenance was not available after a certain time of day, not sure if the problem was ever fixed because we stayed out the entire next day. The parking was a joke 6 spaces near the hotel (literally). Housekeeping does not clean they came in the room and exchanged towels and made the bed, we had an empty pizza box on the counter because it did not fit in the trash can and it was still there when they left, not sure if you have to request that your room is cleaned or the floor vacuumed. The gym closes early, I think 6pm when the hours said open until 10pm. Very horrible experience to say the least, other guests were complaining in the elevator about the hotel. Piece of advice $325 per night at Crystal Beach Suites is equivalent to $50 a night in any other city. Take my advice and save yourself the trouble,...