I'm finally able to share this after a few months of grief. Our experience at Chandler Regional Medical Center overall was okay. It could have been better than okay and bordered on "good" (though nobody wants to spend time at a hospital, and no hospital is without its shortcomings) had it not been for one major oversight on my grandmother's final day alive.
I won't get into the full details, but I will say this; two physicians, a nurse, a family member, and my grandmother all had a meeting the morning of her death to discuss what the natural progression of the day would be, as she'd made the decision not to continue her fight to live (and, my God, she'd fought so hard). It was agreed upon between the 5 of them that family would be called to the hospital to have final conversations before they'd make her "more comfortable" and then allow her body to naturally shut down.
I was the first one to arrive, joining my family member & grandmother. Quite literally as I walked into her room, the nurse (one of the three medical professionals who was present for the earlier conversation and agreement of how things would move forward that day) pushed comfort drugs into her system (I remember the two in particular she gave her, long before it was time and essentially going against her final wishes. She was also still on life support at this time as the rest of the family had not arrived). Confused, I asked my family member if her status/condition had changed or something since the conversation, trying to reason in my mind why the nurse would do that. The response was a resounding "No, her status has not changed and her condition has not worsened since the meeting." When we turned to the nurse for an explanation, she responded with "Oh, I didn't want her to start talking too much." My confusion only increased, as her speaking to us would have been the entire purpose (it should be noted that she was communicating clearly that morning, despite being on a breathing machine).
Later we were visited by the head charge nurse, who said "Well, if I had seen her struggling, I probably would have done it the same." I wanted to say right then and there "Not only is that NOT the reason your nurse gave, but it goes against what my grandmother wished to happen," but could not give my energy to the situation as holding my grandmother's hand was all that mattered at the time. (Furthermore, just days before, we'd made it clear to staff that any dosing of that type of medication was to be made known immediately prior to administration for consent. In other words, any dispensation of said drugs was to be announced and cleared beforehand).
Many of the staff at Chandler Regional Medical Center are diligent, conscientiousness, caring, mindful, intentional, considerate, and overall good at what they do. I am so grateful for the ones who cared for our loved one, heart, competence and professionalism forward.
But, at a time in which our otherwise resilient, inspiring and tenacious matriarch was nearing the end of her life, certain things stay with those left behind. For me, that is wondering what my grandmother would have said to me had she been given the chance. Instead, she gazed up at me just as I walked into her room before slipping into sleep from what she was given. Edit: I forgot to add that one of the physicians did return to her room after the incident, agreed that it was not what had been agreed upon, and said he'd have a talk with the nurse himself, which we did appreciate. In that manner at least, it was acknowledged and addressed.
It's taken me months to be able to write this, but I felt it important to share...
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