Alley Cat — Restaurant in Melbourne

What an experience indeed! Do yourself a favour and read all the reviews you will have a laugh. 😆

After making a rookie mistake by not checking the reviews before partaking on this culinary abomination. Staying in the accomodation close by the alley, it’s self was delightfully clean and had a lovely feel to it. To our surprise things did not seem to tell what was really underlying. We decided to order our meal over the phone only to be told that the menu for the gourmet pizza was unavailable due to covid in2025??? Ok we can understand that a little bit but. 1st red flag 🚩 we told the guy we would call back when we had adjusted our order. Only to be told on our second phone call that pasta was not available on the menu 🚩🚩. And yes we processed with our order . When we made our way to collect our meal we entered the premises to be welcomed with a horror show! Gym equipment, music equipment, paperwork and piles of who knows what in every corner of this establishment. It looked like the guy lived there. He seemed to be friendly enough .As we begrudgingly paid for the meal the eftpos machine looked to have years of receipts still spilling out of it and behind the counter was hoarders vill. Then there was the smell which was quite unpleasant. We decided to wait for our meal out side as we were to scared that something might crawl on us if we stood to long. It was then that we should have made the decision to run. 🏃🏻‍♂️‍➡️. And run fast! But we had to see this through. The guy was lovely enough to bring our meal out to us and explained that he had some serviettes for us between the boxes of our food. Which ended up being torn off paper towel. As we returned to our room the smell alone was quite off putting. When we opened the meals it looked like what ever ingredients he had available to him he used as if was nothing we had ordered. We did not order mushrooms which seemed to be shrivelled and old. This is when we made the decision that a risk of a hospital visit or ending up on an instalment of dumb ways to die was not for us this evening. We were put off eating for the rest of the night.

However after reading the review we spent the night rolling around on the floor in laughter.

So if you are after a night of entertainment do yourself a favour and check this place out...

Welcome, thrill-seekers and culinary daredevils, to the truly one-of-a-kind dining circus that is the Alley Cat. Picture this: it's like a beautifully choreographed dance of chaos between the Fawlty Towers and a Gordon Ramsay's Kitchen Nightmares episode. Who needs a mundane, predictable dining experience when you can dive head-first into the amusing vortex of culinary absurdity that is Alley Cat?

Forget the dull predictability of a well-oiled kitchen - the owner dashes to the nearby IGA for beer and frozen chips, adding a dash of suspense to your dining experience. What will he return with next? Only time will tell!

The menu is as adventurous as the place itself. Will you get a beautifully presented bruschetta, or a toast wearing a tomato hat? Pizza that’s authentically undercooked? Every dish is like a twist in a food-centric telenovela.

A tad bit impatient? Well, the Alley Cat is not just a restaurant, but a lesson in patience and zen. Forty minutes wait time for your food to arrive? That's a complimentary mindfulness exercise!

The decor has its own charm. Picture a gym/office hybrid, with receipts strewn around, adding a touch of authenticity to this eatery/storage unit. You might not be dining in a Michelin-starred establishment, but what you get instead is a raw, unfiltered look into the hectic life of a restaurant owner.

If you think the owner lives there - well, let's just say it adds to the ambiance. It’s all part of the Alley Cat’s charm, like finding a second-hand book store tucked away in a busy city, complete with a grumpy yet endearing cat.

This is not just another humdrum eatery – it’s the perfect place to lose your dining innocence, where everything that could possibly go wrong provides a riotous backdrop for a memorable meal. Sure, the fish and chip shop down the way may be amazing, but if you're looking for a real, surreal dining story to regale your friends with, then Alley Cat is your destination.

Alley Cat, the place where the impossible becomes possible, where mundane turns magical, and where every meal is a plot twist. You have been warned....

I wanted to give this place a chance, let’s start off positive, friendly staff, now onto the negatives. Walked in - the place was empty, wasn’t even seated we just sat wherever. A guy handed us the menus, old grotty paper ripping at the edges. The place was a wreck, an absolute dump. We placed our order 4 people, 2 small pizzas and 2 pastas, 60 bucks! and drinks that they didn’t even have! we ordered 3 cokes and a sprite and the staff member took our cash and walked to the local iga supermarket to buy the soft drink! and it wasn’t even chilled. When the staff member returned with the warm drink he had to hold the glass up to the light to make sure it wasn’t dirty! When the food came out, the 2 pizzas looked worse than mine- and trust me, i can’t cook. It looked like a child threw some cheese and ham on dough and called it a night. the pasta was raw! and no chance the sauce was homemade- probably grabbed some Legos sauce when he was grabbing our drinks! Finished our meals that might as well have been food FOR an alley cat- we asked to go to the bathroom, and the staff responded “Sure mate, let me just check if before you go in to make sure it’s okay.” When he says he’s gotta check the toilet to make sure it’s okay, it’s not going to be okay, and it wasn’t. Avoid this place, honestly, we should’ve gone in and cooked our own pizza, then it might’ve...