Panette Eatery — Restaurant in Melbourne

Not covid safe compliant – not checking vaxx certificates Rude staff that refused service for asking to sit in the shade instead of full sun Manager who blamed her staff’s actions toward us on another customer’s and refused to apologise It is a former Tier 1 site (not their fault) but they still don’t seem to care too much. Walk on, don’t eat here, not safe – If the owner of the café reads this, make a change fast I know it’s hard now in hospitality to keep afloat and get good staff, but that serving persons behaviour combined with non-covid safe compliance is a recipe for disaster. We went to Panette Eatery with a bit of excitement as we’d walked past it many times since moving to the area. We arrived to see quite few tables outside being available. The serving person walked past us twice and on the third pass muttered, “wait a bit”, which seemed a bit odd but no worries we thought. When she finally returned, we were offered a seat in the full sun to which we gestured to one of several in the shade and asked if we could have one of those. Her reply was of distain, “they’re for groups of five of more” which was odd because they were tables with four seats and the surrounding 4 tables all had two persons on them for the same table configuration. We said we’d really prefer to not sit in the sun if its possible to which her very angry reply was, “I said you need to be five”. We sort of jumped back at the anger and I said “why are you getting angry at us” she then paused as she prepped to wipe down the table, we were to sit at looked at us, and then stormed off. A few minutes later the manager walks out, and her first question was, “what seems to be the problem?” which was odd. We very calmly (no raised voices) said we asked if we could sit in the shade and your serving employee flipped out. The manager rolled her eyes at us, eyeballed my partner and then proceeded to say, “yeah well it’s been a difficult last two days, she’s had hundreds of people swear at her for asking for vaccination certificates”. I said I don’t know what that has to do with us as she’s not even asked to see out vaxx certificate. Given a café is likely to have had 100-200 patrons in two days the likelihood that literally everyone has been swearing at the serving staff is unlikely (I’ll call it a straight lie). The manager then suggested we eat elsewhere. I couldn’t believe it, asked to eat elsewhere because of the poor behaviour of her staff. I could see several other patrons looked shocked, my partner was speechless – we walked off in a bit of a daze having never been on the receiving end of anything like it.

We can’t...

This was one of our favourite cafes to go to near the markets whenever we visited Southbank markets. It was our first trip back to Melbourne as a family after a few years so we naturally went back to visit it again. Now Melbourne is known for its coffee culture and I like my coffee! Kids ordered their food and I ordered my usual two long blacks as I can’t be bothered waiting for waiters to come around and reorder a second. I was expecting a standard barista made long black which no one in Melbourne stuffs up. Well none that I have experienced. Instead I got two big mugs of what looked like instant coffee. No froth whatsoever on top. Something like what my mum would give me when I was a teenager. Looked like instant coffee. We went for breakfast with 3 kids, I didn’t eat but kids said their pan cakes were good but my wife’s latte and my two watered down instant coffee style long blacks made the bill of $121 plus merchant fee feel steep and not worth it. Staff were friendly and I couldn’t be bothered complaining and ruining my day so I just poured the coffees in the pot plant next to me when no one was looking and went to Cheri across the road for a standard long black. You could probably fit 3 standard long blacks into one of these mugs. Come on guys, you used to be good....

We ordered the Blue Swimmer Crab Linguini and the Peasant Breakfast. They were both a massive letdown. The crab linguini was borderline inedible: the pasta was stale, and the crab had such a strong, fishy smell and taste that I couldn’t stomach more than a single bite. For the price, it felt like we were being scammed. I’ve had better seafood from a petrol station sandwich.

The Peasant Breakfast came with pita bread, chorizo, some potatoes, and an egg — it was fine, but painfully average. Nothing stood out, nothing felt fresh, and nothing justified the price tag. If that’s what they consider a highlight, I dread to think what the rest of the menu is like.

But honestly, the worst part was the atmosphere. At 9AM, the café was blasting loud, repetitive NPC music, the kind you’d hear in the background of a low-budget mobile game. I politely asked the staff multiple times to turn it down, and was ignored every time. It completely ruined any chance of enjoying the meal. The place felt more like a glitchy simulation than a real cafe

This place is all aesthetic and no substance, overhyped, overpriced, and utterly underwhelming. Save your money, your ears, and your appetite. Go literally...