Townhouse Cartagena | Boutique Art Hotel • Rooftop • Bar — Restaurant in Cartagena

Like sleeping in a blender. With reggaeton. On shuffle.

I booked this “boutique hotel” in hopes of rest, charm, and maybe some soft lighting. Instead, I accidentally enrolled in a week-long bootcamp titled: “Surviving Cartagena: Noise Edition.”

Let’s start with the walls, which are made of equal parts enthusiasm and air. I didn’t hear my neighbors — but I did hear everything happening in the hallway. Voices, footsteps, slamming doors — all of it came straight through the front door of the room as if it were wide open.

Now the rooftop bar. It kicks off around noon and gradually evolves into an earthquake simulator by nightfall. The music vibrates through floors, walls, and possibly dimensions. I’m 95% sure my toothbrush danced off the sink on day two.

The bar staff? Fantastic. Friendly, fast, and somehow unfazed by the building trying to shake itself loose. And yes, the food is expensive… but the snacks were actually quite good.

But don’t worry — you won’t accidentally sleep through it. Because at 7:00 a.m. sharp, the construction team arrives to remind you that silence is for cowards. We’re talking jackhammers. Full orchestral chaos. The kind of sound you feel in your teeth.

I raised my concerns — specifically about the construction noise outside the hotel starting at 7:00 a.m. every morning. What I got in return was a vague apology that sounded like it was written by a chatbot raised on customer service scripts. Room change? Nope. Free cocktail? Not unless I dreamed it. Empathy? Out of office.

Privacy? Optional. No “Do Not Disturb” sign, which is appropriate — because this place firmly believes in disturbance as a lifestyle. Housekeeping visits are frequent, surprising, and vaguely suspenseful. Towels? Water? A pop quiz? Who knows. However, the cleaning staff were always friendly and kind.

And just when you think you’ve adjusted… the air conditioner speaks. Not hums. Speaks. It groans, rattles, and occasionally roars like a small aircraft doing breathing exercises. It doesn’t cool the room — it dominates it. You’ll have to choose: heatstroke or takeoff.

The room itself: A/C louder than my inner monologue Shower that takes several minutes to consider warming up Breakfast so small I considered eating the plate — and to be clear, I’m talking about the included hotel breakfast

The location is central — in the way a festival main stage is “central.” Vendors, shouting, ambient chaos. Hotel staff watch quietly, possibly in another timezone.

Bottom line: This isn’t a boutique hotel. It’s a full-volume sensory experience disguised as accommodation. If you're 22, powered by tequila, and think sleep is optional – you’ll thrive. If you're over 30 and enjoy things like silence, privacy, or functioning eardrums – look elsewhere.

One star – for the heroic bar staff, the solid snacks, the kind cleaners, and the personal growth that comes from being awake for seven nights in a row. And if this review sounds slightly dramatic… try writing one after a week...

I booked this “boutique hotel” in hopes of rest, charm, and maybe some soft lighting.|Instead, I accidentally enrolled in a week-long bootcamp titled:|“Surviving Cartagena: Noise Edition.”||Let’s start with the walls, which are made of equal parts enthusiasm and air. I didn’t hear my neighbors — but I did hear everything happening in the hallway. Voices, footsteps, slamming doors — all of it came straight through the front door of the room as if it were wide open.||Now the rooftop bar.|It kicks off around noon and gradually evolves into an earthquake simulator by nightfall. The music vibrates through floors, walls, and possibly dimensions. I’m 95% sure my toothbrush danced off the sink on day two.||The bar staff? Fantastic. Friendly, fast, and somehow unfazed by the building trying to shake itself loose.|And yes, the food is expensive… but the snacks were actually quite good.||But don’t worry — you won’t accidentally sleep through it. Because at 7:00 a.m. sharp, the construction team arrives to remind you that silence is for cowards.|We’re talking jackhammers. Full orchestral chaos. The kind of sound you feel in your teeth.||I raised my concerns — specifically about the construction noise outside the hotel starting at 7:00 a.m. every morning.|What I got in return was a vague apology that sounded like it was written by a chatbot raised on customer service scripts.|Room change? Nope.|Free cocktail? Not unless I dreamed it.|Empathy? Out of office.||Privacy? Optional.|No “Do Not Disturb” sign, which is appropriate — because this place firmly believes in disturbance as a lifestyle. Housekeeping visits are frequent, surprising, and vaguely suspenseful. Towels? Water? A pop quiz? Who knows. However, the cleaning staff were always friendly and kind.||And just when you think you’ve adjusted… the air conditioner speaks.|Not hums. Speaks.|It groans, rattles, and occasionally roars like a small aircraft doing breathing exercises. It doesn’t cool the room — it dominates it. You’ll have to choose: heatstroke or takeoff.||The room itself:|- A/C louder than my inner monologue|- Shower that takes several minutes to consider warming up|- Breakfast so small I considered eating the plate — and to be clear, I’m talking about the included hotel breakfast||The location is central — in the way a festival main stage is “central.” Vendors, shouting, ambient chaos. Hotel staff watch quietly, possibly in another timezone.||Bottom line:|This isn’t a boutique hotel. It’s a full-volume sensory experience disguised as accommodation.|If you're 22, powered by tequila, and think sleep is optional – you’ll thrive.|If you're over 30 and enjoy things like silence, privacy, or functioning eardrums – look elsewhere.||One star – for the heroic bar staff, the solid snacks, the kind cleaners, and the personal growth that comes from being awake for seven nights in a row.|And if this review sounds slightly dramatic… try writing one after a week...

Ah.. where do I start with this amazing stay? I honestly wish I could rate it 10 stars. Townhouse boutique hotel is perfection when it comes to style, customer service, location, and comfort. Decorated with modern trends, luxury accommodations both in and outside of the room, and uses of updated technology, Townhouse boutique hotel is truly a gem that soars a bunch so many other hotel stays I’ve experienced. I was literally blown away because I knew it was going to be a great stay but had no idea it would be this wonderful. The staff do an excellent job of making you feel like you belong. I specifically want to shoutout Jorman— he was an absolutely amazing concierge. No matter how many questions we asked or help that was needed, Jorman was there within seconds to help us even when we thought he may be annoyed lol He always had a bright smile on his face which made us feel super comfortable. Aldo was also another staff member that made us feel super special. He recommended the best food to eat at the restaurant and connected with us, again making us feel like we belonged in Cartagena. Jessica was literally the best server I’ve had in a restaurant setting ever in life. From her sweet smile to her ability to know what we needed for breakfast or lunch, she was literally AMAZING. The food at the hotel is a sort of tapas paired with Colombian fusion which is a tasty and a great intro to Colombia. I recommend eating outside of the hotel for sure if you want authentic food to Cartagena but if you didn’t, the food on property would definitely be more than delicious.

My only major con for the stay was that the water in the shower was consistently cold BUT with that, whenever we messaged and said it was cold, it was fixed in seconds. The promptness and attention to customers on property was unmatched. Max did a great job of making up for the inconvenience of the water. The pillows also could be a bit better (they were either too low or too high) but honestly that’s more of a preference thing, everything else was such a positive experience that we didn’t even care.

Truly, if you’re going to Cartagena, I HIGHLY recommend townhouse boutique hotel. There’s literally nowhere else I would consider staying. Unfortunately, due to weather we weren’t able to experience their sister hotel which also has raving reviews on here but hopefully I will be able to the next trip around. The staff here is literally incomparable to any other place I’ve stayed and I’m not just saying that to say it. So sad to leave, but excited to return to Cartagena and...