Xarambinha Pizzeria Expresso — Restaurant in Funchal

What a nice, friendly place. We arrived for an early dinner/very late lunch and had our choice of where to sit outside. The entire point of our coming here was so my better half could enjoy a pizza made with gluten-free, egg free pizza dough. Fresh dough! NOT the frozen GF hockey biscuit most common back home. Perfection! She added garlic to her pie, not too much, but enough to keep even the most troublesome vampire at bay, which is how she likes it. (No issues later on. Bad gluten and egg allergies, but not celiac.)

I had the bacon and onion pizza and it was terrific. Like hers, it had super crispy edges on a thin crust that I’m pretty sure was hand tossed. We thought both had the right amount of sauce, plenty of toppings and more than enough cheese which had some caramelization. Cooked to perfection as far as we’re concerned. Zero complaints and four thumbs up, but some visitors from the States might quibble about the bacon, as it’s not like what’s served back home. More like ham. Now you know. The pizza here is great!

We shared a small white sangria that had fresh fruit and a sprig of mint that was thoroughly enjoyable. Water and a Pepsi rounded out our drinks. BTW, bottled/canned soft drinks on the island, as far as I’ve seen, are made without high fructose corn syrup. They’re made with sugar and I can taste the difference.

Shout out to our server who was kind of new and kept his sense of humor as my better half made absolutely clear her allergies. We appreciated it. The hot stone dishes are popular as we saw several come out during our meal. The sizzling sound as the food...

DO NOT GO HERE! THEY DO NOT CARE ABOUT YOUR GLUTEN MEAL. Incredibly rude server, and the food was even worse. Despite offering gluten free food, our server repeatedly shrugged off my gluten allergy (I am celiac and tried stressing how important it is that my food be made safely) She said she could not bother telling the kitchen about a gluten allergy - insisted that just putting in an order for a gluten free pizza would be enough because lots of people come there all the time for gluten free food and I was being ridiculous asking for her to note that I had an allergy. I thought it was a bit of a European rudeness and was put off by it but willing to believe that everything would be fine based on all the positive reviews. Thirty minutes later, I barfed up a bunch of gluten-containing food all over the street side.

Worst part is - the food was terrible. The pizza was a ton of cheese on a cardboard crust. The seafood in the seafood risotto was horribly overcooked and tasted terrible. Was willing to be nice if it was safely gluten free but it wasn’t and the easily the worst service I’ve ever experienced. They pretend to be be gluten free but they aren’t. DO NOT GO HERE

Go...

I had my guard down because I was invited by family, but on reflection I should have realised what to expect from my meal when I saw Portuguese, English, French, Finnish, and Russian on the over-long menu... but no Italian.

The pizza was not the worst I have ever had, but it is impossible to recommend and not worth the price: bland, doughy, and with far too many onions (which were listed as a topping on every single pizza). I can't speak to the quality of the other food on the menu as I only tasted my own meal, but as they trade primarily as a pizzeria I don't think it unfair to judge them on that alone.

On the plus side, the pasta dishes cater for gluten intolerance, the staff are friendly and helpful, and the setting is pleasant. Not exactly a tourist trap restaurant - the food was edible - but I would recommend that anyone who expects the genuine Italian-standard food implied by the green, white, and red logo to avoid this restaurant - especially if you are actually Italian. However, if you're the kind of person who enjoys cream in your "carbonara" (as this restaurant offers), you might enjoy...