Green Monkey — Restaurant in London

This could be the worst cafe in Tooting.

My friend and I visited this cafe for brunch around 12.30pm today. There were about 4 or 5 people working there, but the service was super slow and of poor quality.

We paid for for the food at the counter (as you need to go to the counter to order) and then we waited for 25 minutes for the food to arrive at our table. While I was ordering I asked whether I could have a pot of tea; the attendant looked around and said "we have run of pots so it will have to be in a cup". I asked for a receipt, but as he was already looking at the next customer waiting to order, he said he would bring my receipt to my table. He never did. While he was serving me, he was at the same time trying to talk to 3 different people. They also do not take American Express.

A young lady brought our coffee and our tea to the table. However, she didn't bring me a spoon for my coffee. When she was passing our table again, I asked her for a spoon. As it took too long, I used my friend's tea spoon. My latte was also of a very small size. It was more like a small flat white and it tasted like one too as it was much stronger than a regular latte.

By the time they served the food, we had long finished our tea and our coffee. To order another drink, I would need to go to the counter to order again. We just decided to eat quickly and leave the place as soon as possible.

The place was stifling (there are no windows and the front glass door is closed). It is also very noisy, and definitely over-priced judging by the standard of the service and the premises.

If you are looking for a stressed and noisy Sunday brunch served in unpleasant surroundings and highly inefficient service, this is the...

The Green Monkey Cafe is a lovely little cafe. The only problem with it is that when you go up tp the till to pay at the end they suddenly put a 10% service charge on. The first time I went in I also put money in the tips jar which is cheekily also next to the till as I didn't realise until I walked out and then realised that I had paid a few pounds over what I was expecting. The next time I went in I questioned it at the end they confirmed that it was service charge but there was no option not to pay it unless you wanted to make a fuss. I would have gone back to this cafe regularly as it is close to my work but I won't go back now as find it so cheeky to do that. You don't get an actual bill as you go to the till when you have finished to pay so it is not clear that this will happen and I just don't like the way it is done. The food and environment is lovely, but sadly I don't like the way the bill is handled at the end so I won't...

Negligent 'community' spirit - encourages queues of millenials, and hipsters during a global infectious pandemic - getting in the way of elderly and bus stops. NOT an essential product, and they adapted their front to somehow 'exempt' themselves, marketing 'coffee' with an arrow around the corner on the high street to their shop...whilst all other cafes are closed and doing their morale and public health best. Feeding the selfish instagrammers who aren't even from London, with 'look at me' coffee, and encouraging the self-absorbed fashionable park runners and their self-righteousness, whilst countless suffer down the road at st.georges hospital, and the vulnerable avoid walking that pedestrian footing and pavement with their chronic diseases...