Red Dog Saloon Hoxton Square — Restaurant in London

Went here for the ghost chilli wing challenge. 6 wings in 2 minutes - no problem, I thought.

I was provided a legal waiver and a pair of fire-resistant gloves. The idea that I may have made a mistake only began to enter my head after I had signed the full page of litigious writing on an A4 piece of paper.

I stewed in my doubts for only a few minutes, before the wings arrived. One could not describe them as aesthetic, but I was not there for aesthetics - a grim, anthracite blackness coated the remains of a once noble bird. The waft of the sauce stung the eyes, and a dark ocean of pure fire coated the bowl. The kind waitress waited nearby with a timer in her hand and pity in her eyes, that of a chef serving a man on death row his last meal.

With my first bite, it was clear that I had put myself in a situation beyond the help of men or gods. Fire lanced up my tongue and into my brain, it was all I could do to focus on the speed-wing-eating technique I'd looked up on Youtube the day before. As I ate my eyes unfocussed, and I began to sweat heavily. My vision contracted: i could no longer see the 20 friends that had come to support me, only the fateful bowl and it's inky blackness of sauce. I could no longer hear the cheers of my allies, only the blood rushing in my ears, and my heart beating a 180BPM tattoo on the inside of my ribs.

I finished the wings, and hurled the last bone to clatter against the skeletal remains in my bowl. Now began the 5 minute "burn time", when I could neither leave the table nor drink anything to quell the raging inferno within me. I could only look ahead. My breath came in ragged bursts, each singeing my lungs. I began to shake uncontrollably. To tell the truth, the 5 minutes passed very quickly; I believe that due to the pain I was experiencing I had entered into a fugue state, my spirit communed with the souls of my ancestors who berated me for my foolishness.

After the time was up, I began to chew ice-cubes and drank 5 pints of milk. I immediately went to throw up of course, but due to an error in my positioning a portion of chilli-infused spew exited my nose, sealing it immediately as the delicate olfactory nerves rebelled against the absolute worst thing they had ever encountered. To make matters worse, a portion of spicy vomit ricocheted off the toilet water to strike me in the eye. I clawed at the toilet roll, desperate for salvation, but only two sheets answered my call. Not nearly enough.

I was rescued, topless, from the toilet by my aforementioned concerned friends. Time was still in flux for me, and what I thought had been 5 minutes had in fact been 36. My saviours pressed pints of milk into my desperate palm, and for a time there was, at last, peace. Until I threw up another 7 times, but you get the picture. The rest of the night passed without incident, though the adrenaline high persisted and was akin to most class-A narcotics. I will not discuss here the events of the morning after, for if you are reading this then you are looking for somewhere to eat. Suffice it to say, my suffering was renewed.

All in all, 10/10 near death experience, would never do it again. My mates said the rest of the food was nice, and I get 20% off for life now. Don't do what I did unless you've...

Red Dog review

Entrance - very easy to find and looked very busy - to me, busy restaurants are a blessing and a curse - blessing because it must be very good if it’s busy - curse because you may be waiting longer for service (and boy was I right)

Food - we waited 45 minutes for the food to arrive and no sides came with it.

My son ordered a chicken thigh burger which he was enjoying until he bit into a piece of bone that was in the burger and could no longer finish it.

My daughter got a cheese steak burger which she didn’t enjoy too much as she said it tasted like pickles - we asked for the pickles to be removed in which they did but the taste was still strong so maybe they had a burger already made and just took them out? Not sure.

My partner ordered fried shrimp which he didn’t finish either - not because it was bad but because he ordered sides with it that did not come with the food.

I ordered wings with hot ranch sauce and mozzarella sticks - again, the food LOOKED good but I did not enjoy these wings, they were not falling off the bone and were quite dry - mozzarella sticks were okay a bit cold.

When the chef delivered our food we asked him where our sides were as we ordered two fries and onion rings and he said he’ll be back soon, he didn’t come back and we waited another 15 minutes before telling the waitress not to worry about them.

By the time they arrived we would’ve already finished our mains, there was really no point.

Drinks - Ice Tea, Lemonade, a pint of corona and a pint of coke with a slice of lemon - my tip is - ask them for your drink without ice as they fill the glasses with 70% ice - you’re paying nearly a fiver for a glass of ice lol

Decor - As it was so busy I didn’t really get a clear view of the restaurant but it looked okay. The toilet’s definitely need updating though. Looked like something you’d see in a football club / 1998 high school. Very outdated toilet decor.

Cleanliness - Again, where it was so busy I struggled to see how clean it was but our tables were clean. The toilets could’ve done with a scrub and some loo roll though.

Cost - £64 - it would’ve been more but we were given 25% off due to not receiving our sides and waiting so long which I thought was nice of them.

Customer service - Great. All staff were nice and friendly. Special mention to Lizzy. They were very accommodating and understanding and always had a smile on their face. Thank you Lizzy!!

Overall - 5/10 - probably wouldn’t return based on my comments above but it could’ve been worse. Thank...

Avoid at all costs, lied to and terrible service.

Firstly, we waited 30 minutes for our drinks, we told a staff member and they said they would check and then didn't go to the bar. Food took ages to arrive and two of the group had ordered the Beyond meat vegetarian burger, the waiter said he had one Beyond meat burger and one cheeseburger for our table, when we explain it was meant to be two beyond meat burgers, he paused and then said yeah yeah this is a beyond meat cheeseburger. You can make your own mind up as to whether it was or not, either way, it was missing loads of toppings so we sent it back. It took 1 HOUR for her to receive her replacement burger, it was probably an even longer wait than that. Eventually when it came, again it was missing toppings and this time the mac and cheese topping was in a bowl on the side, topped with brisket, for a vegetarian. Another 15 minutes and she eventually got her order.

The main reason we went there was so I could attempt the wing challenge, they had changed it to a much weaker chili which was a huge let-down. I still completed it within a time which went I should have been on the leader board, no one asked to take my picture or even mentioned it. You are meant to have a 5-minute period after the challenge where you can't get up or drink anything, no one came back to tell me when it had ended. Completion of this challenge was advertised on their website as giving you a silver coin, which entitles you for 10% discount for life, you can probably tell where this is going. I was informed that they had stopped the lifetime discount and this was stated on the waiver form I signed at the start. the waiver form is due to the heat and said nothing about the changes, I knew they were lying, so I asked for the form back.

Eventually, we were given 30% off our bill, which I'm sure some people will think is fair. However, we still spent over £100 and had the worst dining experience, I would never go back.

I would strongly suggest you rethink going to this restaurant, I'm sure this place used to be great and had owners that poured their passion into it, however, I suspect ever since it has become a chain they have made enough money so they either no longer care or have nothing to do with this business.

Trust me, not even the staff want to be there it isn't...