Roof Garden at Pantechnicon — Restaurant in London

I'm guessing the purpose here is to film a semi-scripted semi-date with your semi-ex Tarquin after getting your lips done. It certainly isn't to eat food anyway.

Maybe I'm just grumpy because I'm quite full and poor and yet devoid of any emotional satisfaction whatsoever. In fairness, January may have influenced this and the drinks did look and sound legit... But I think I'd just be drunk and think the same things. God, the food was so vacuous.

Pantechnicon itself (the Scandi-Japanese mansion of expensive boutique shops and eating joints) is lovely and promises so much! I was halfway to booking a booth for my birthday at Sachi downstairs before eating the lacklustre fayre at Eldr and will probably return for Christmas shopping next year as the shops had really cool unusual stuff.

So, posh-sounding and well constructed small plates with interesting ingredients and combinations in a Scandi style. How did it go wrong?? Almost nothing was seasoned. I'm fairly sure it wasn't under it just wasn't at all. Weirdly everything was well prepared too so there wasn't a huge textural issue. Just everything tasted like nothing at all. How can venison croquettes with a mustard sauce taste like nothing?! I was worried it'd be too much and unbalanced. Not in the slightest. The celeriac and truffle dish had some flavour in the oil (and from copious truffle) but this somehow got washed out when combined with the slightly mushy and watery pear. I honestly cannot think of any words for the crab. It was pure bunyip (Google it).

The rump steak (£32 for essentially a generous personal main or a sufficient sharer with sides) had crested over medium into well done and was, again, criminally unseasoned. It was served with sweet whipped butter. No joke. And a cold, wet, flabby slice of 'leek terrine'. It was not terrine. Mushroom powder was not a thing except visually. But actually I loaded my fork up with the three together a bunch of times and it was passable to be fair.

The main reason (apart from a couple nice forkfuls of celeriac and pretty decor) for the second star is that they out new potatoes in an incredibly rich and delicious butter, roe and dill sauce. This was genuinely good and I'd happily chow again.

But I've saved the best til last. The brocolli side. So the burnt flavour I thought was from literally inedible hard whole buckwheat chunks/kernels/flakes/whatever. Like ball bearings that tasted of wood. Burnt, cheap, sawdusty wood. Nobody who works here or manages here has eaten this and said "That's really good, please continue poisoning our customers with it." If they have, they're on borrowed time. But then, but then, no joke, I wiped off the green nothing dressing and all the rabbit hutch filling as I fancied nibbling some veg and I do love charred broccoli. It tasted the same! Burnt oil? Steeped in the buckwheat? Smoked with bad smoke? Charred yesterday or before? No idea how or why but heinous, truly.

Staff were sort of courteous though they seemed only half there as if they were preoccupied by appearing in the next series of skins. The one waitress wearing a facemask funnily enough was the most nice and expressive and attentive.

As I say the drinks may well be really good but they damn well should at the prices.

Avoid this place unless you're rich and want a drink after shopping or you want to launch your Made in...

Interesting if slightly confused.

The roof garden restaurant is a lovely setting with an airy and chic feel, it’s somewhere you could sit all afternoon.

We enjoyed our visit but there were a few things that were just a little weird.

The menu itself is purposefully spartan. The dish descriptions being no more than a few words, including things like “sap”. Normally with a menu like that you’d hope for an intro and some explanation but that didn’t come so after some fumbling we asked how we should order, the waitress similarly fumbled with her descriptions, describing one dish as a “bit of reindeer, with some sap, its a whole eat drink thing” - baffling.

What was more baffling was that we had one menu sheet (smoresbrods and small plates) so ordered from this only to see other diners ordering from a bigger sheet which later turned out to be the “big plates.” This may have been because we sat down at 4:45 and them at 5pm but, I would have happily waited the 15 mins, were this explained. As it stands we felt we missed out on some of the best dishes.

The food we did have was good. With some pretty punchy and exciting flavours. Their cocktail menu is also really really good and expertly made. Rhubarb and Rhye was a favourite.

Will give it another shot to see if the above was just...

We had a fabulous meal at Roof Garden at Pantechnicon, which is on the 3rd floor of the Pantechnicon building. The Nordic dishes were beautifully presented and were perfect for sharing.

We started with the Halibut, celeriac & dill and the Scallops with leek, a mussel cream sauce & topped with a slice of air dried reindeer. Both outstanding dishes but the freshness and taste of the light Halibut dish was our favourite.

You mustn't miss ordering the home made Bread with fennel, honey & elderberry butter.

Going into mains we had the Chicken lovage & chard truffle butter and the Beef fillet with barley, beetroot & kale. Again these were delightful dishes and showcased the Nordic flavours and cooking methods.

Not one to miss dessert the Meringue with blackberry & cardamom was one of the softest meringue I have tasted, like eating a fluffy cloud while the Chocolate with quince & liquorice was another hit.

The service was super friendly and Jordana our server was excellent giving us perfect recommendations to eat and wonderful cocktails to drink!

The Nordic garden is by Finnish horticulturalist Taina (means ‘little tree’) Suonio.

With a wonderful South facing terrace to enjoy the outdoors and an all day opening this is a hidden gem in the heart...