Hansa Brewery — Restaurant in Cleveland

So after cruising for patios in, and around, Cleveland we settled on Hansa for our Date Night Summer Patio Tour Night 2.

First, and foremost, ignore the website as it is not accurate but PLEASE do not let that stop you from trying this establishment. The website pictures are beautiful and the restaurant is very nice but there is a sense of false advertising. When we walked in, on a Friday evening, there were four folks at the bar and a couple on the patio. Not a soul eating inside. Full disclosure, we were having second thoughts. Being a beer snob, I kinda settled that I wouldn’t leave without drinking at least one of their beers which got us seated.

The young man that waited on us, I’d share his name but he did not give it, got us settled and brought us the menu which is pictured. I shit you not, that is the menu. He was well informed and well spoken related to the menu and the techniques related to the food preparation. His recommendations were spot on and wish I could credit him by name. I also shared the current beers the evening of our visit.

The beers were fantastic. I began with J.U.G. Weissbier which was an excellent traditional Hefeweizen. My friend got the Black Flag, the Schwarzbier, also excellent. Our wives enjoyed a seltzer, that I didn’t take note of as it was canned, but it was enjoyed. My second beer of the night was their Lucky Barleywine (13.13%ABV), which was delicious and every ounce of 13%.

Our meal was awesome, full stop. If we had left, we would have missed out. Our party of six shared appetizers of the German Pretzels and their Calamari. Both were excellent and easily shared. For our entrees, our party had; Traditional Pork Schnitzel (breaded and fried), French Orly Schnitzel (which was battered and fried turkey), German Meatloaf (bacon wrapped), and Legendary Chicken Paprikas. Every one of us loved our meals. Myself and my friend that both got the bacon wrapped meatloaf, wished the bacon was crispier but acknowledge that to do so would have dried out the meatloaf. It did come with a cream mushroom gravy that was tasty. The Schnitzels were a hit as were the sides of späzles.

With all of the downtown eateries and excellent options on the Westside, it’d be easy to skip Hansa. Don’t. This place is...

First the good: The beer. Which isn't surprising because brewery. The server kindly brought tastes since my partner and I weren't sure which ones we wanted. Also, the potato pancakes. They were a little underseasoned and probably could've used a bit more time in the pan but they were hearty and satisfying.

Now for the bad, and friends, it's really bad: We ordered the beef goulash and the chicken paprikash on the server's recommendation, both of which came with spaetzle. When the bowls arrived, the spaetzle in both was just barely warm. Same with the beef. This tells me the food was reheated, probably in a microwave, which, OK, not great but not a deal-killer. Thing is, not knowing how the food was stored + not getting it up to temp before plating = food safety red flags.

So we let the server know and he took the plates back. When new ones came out, nothing had changed. The beef and the spaetzle in both dishes was STILL just barely warm, only now the spaetzle was tough and chewy (likely from being microwaved twice). The chicken paprikash was warmer, though not as hot as it should've been.

But wait, there's more! We suddenly realized that there was no actual paprika in the paprikash. It was the color of the sauce in a chicken pot pie - not even a hint of pink. I asked the server about this and he said that people had complained there was too much paprika so they put less in now. Huh. Less, I get, but none? Yikes.

So we decided just to get the check because neither of us wanted to risk food poisoning from eating under-heated meals. And whadda ya know, the server didn't offer to comp either of the entrees. So yeah, we effectively paid $75 (plus tip, because we're not a-holes) for 3 potato pancakes...

This is how this restaurant could be much better, but first of all, what attracted me to the restaurant and brewery was the menu. The German style beers looked appealing and the food was not only German, but Hungarian and Slavic. I can't pass up a good goulash, so my wife and I order the goulash and chicken paprikas. This had to be the worse excuses for these dishes I've ever eaten. There was absolutely no paprika in the goulash, and the gravy was thin and watery. The chicken paprikas, in all fairness had some paprika sprinkled around the edge of the plate. What I did to salvage the dish was to go next door to buy a small jar of paprika paste and I dumped half of it in when I took almost the entire dish home and it was tolerable. I would recommend the various Slavic sausages; the restaurant shouldn't be able to ruin them. While the beers were expectable, there was no head. This place has a lot of potential with a great location and wonderful spaces indoors and outdoors. They'll do well if they can get some fizz in the beer and greatly improve the...