Bruno's — Restaurant in Florida

...Tiki Ti..Tiki To..Tiki Ta!!!

The sign outside says, “The best meal of your vacation” “by TripAdvisor” or something to that effect. And let me tell you, that’s quite a claim.

The first thing you notice when you walk into this self-proclaimed, authentic Italian restaurant is how the background music totally embraces you with sounds of classical Italian songs of an era gone, long ago.

The modest decor with black tablecloths and napkins is a bit questionable, but the music disrupts your thoughts and back to Italy you go.

Quickly, you’re seated.

A bottle of Red Wine which sits on top of a white paper overlay, adorns the black cloth, draped table.

With “Volare” singing in the background and the Nationals playing game 7 of the World Series on TV, the waiter comes with the menu and right away I noticed something a bit odd.

I love Bolognese sauce, and anyone that’s been to Italy will know, Bolognese sauce is made with a generous amount of ground beef, white wine, heavy cream, milk, all your favorite Italian herbs, tomatoes and a tiny bit of tomatoe purée.

And by no means anyone should confuse Bolognese sauce with Marinara which is the typical tomato sauce/ragu (sauce in Italian is ragu) that’s found all throughout Italy and the World.

So I look at the menu, and right there I see: “Spaghetti Bolognese” Spaghetti with tomato sauce (or something very close to that description without mentioning anything else)—I knew then, even though, the music was very legit, perhaps the food, not so much.

So I ordered a pizza with anchovies instead.

As I wait for my pizza a song that I haven’t heard in years started to play... “Tici Ti...Tici Toe...Tici Ta” by Lou Monte, which sounds like ...”Tiki Ti.. Tiki To.. Tiki Ta”— quite an infectious verse too... sooooo infectious, one day later, I’m still with the Tiki Ti, Tiki To, Tiki Ta in my mind!

And so the pizza comes, and I see a slight resemblance of what could be little strips of anchovies. Yes, a slightly resemblance in flavor too, I may add.

As I’m eating the pizza with barely any anchovies, I’m only enjoying the Tiki Ti, Tiki Toe, Tiki Ta song which by now the verse had taken over... And, as the song comes to and end, it was time for me to do the same.

And so, I asked the waiter for the check, to which he replied, “And how was the pizza, was it good?” —But I didn’t want to get into the whole anchovy spiel and simply said, “It was, Ok... I’m from New York, so it was good, it was ok.”

With half sarcasm in his tone of voice, the waiter didn’t stop there... and again he asked, “Wasn’t it good?” I guess he didn’t hear me the first time.

So readers the moral of the story is: 1st: Don’t believe any hand written signs posted on doors of restaurants.

2nd: If you’re heading to Bruno’s and you like anchovies make sure you ask for a generous portion, or better yet, bring your own.

3rd: If you don’t like anchovies and you’re still heading there, remember: Bolognese is not tomato sauce; It’s a thick ground meat sauce, with white wine and heavy cream, sooo, do yourself a favor and order something else!! .... Tikiii Ti...... Tikii To....Tikiiiiii...

One of our family's favorite foods is Italian so we were excited to try out the small family-owned Bruno's restaurant nestled in-between all the big tourist chain eateries. There was a laminated, positive TripAdvisor review posted on their door and next to it a sign that said something like, "People who are irritating, mean or disrespectful will be charged an extra $10". Well we like quirky so we're off to a good start. The restaurant was full and only one other family waiting so not a bad wait either. Unfortunately, we got to watch the owner scold the waiting family as they sat down because they asked for drinks and he explained he wasn't their waiter; then he yelled something in Italian across the room to the assumed waiter. Well we quickly went from quirky to tacky and things are looking grim. Few minutes later a lady comes in and said she called ahead for a reservation, the owner once again displayed his charm and states that they are a first come, first serve establishment and motions to all the full tables. The lady questions why they accepted her reservation in the first place then stormed out of the restaurant visibly upset. Oh yeah, we're on a roll now. The owner then looks at us and "motions" to follow as he heads to the empty table we have been staring at for 5 minutes. He walks to the table, tosses our menus on top and keeps on going. Our family anxiously looked at each other and slowly slid into the seats to begin reviewing the menu after noting the time. The phone was ringing regularly and one other waiter kept running to the front to answer and take phone orders; clearly not enough staff and not a professional approach. The other waiter who was supposed to be ours didn't acknowledge we were at the table until 15 minutes later because he was filling water and clearing plates at other tables; we had no water, no drink order, no "hey I'll be right with you" message, there was nothing. They had the cheap paper tablecloths so I got out my pen and was about to write a message to look up my online review then leave when the waiter finally shows up asking for our drink order. Our family looked at each other in agreement, we told the waiter that we made a mistake and this place was not for us because of what we've experienced. Then to our absolute surprise the waiter looked at us and went "Eh" as he lifted his shoulders and cocked his head. Wow! That was it - we expressed our displeasure verbally continuing the rant out the door and past the waiting people. We apologize to the innocent people that overheard our foul words but it was a better option than pummeling the waiter where he stood. We feel they now owe us $10 for being irritating, mean and disrespectful. Spend your money at one of the big chains - at least you always know what you will be getting; we went down the street to Bahama Breeze and had a...

Author’s note: this is a long one but a necessary read! My friend & I called to see if any places were open for a late dinner since we had just driven 8 hours to get to FL for a trip. We were excited to eat locally and found this restaurant...but I quickly realized it was a mistake. When we got there, we initially had a wonderful server who took our orders, asked if we were paying together or separate and we thought it would be quick but quality experience. But then another person (the presumed owner/manager) came and said he wasn’t sure why the previous man asked if we wanted to do our checks separate or together because they only do checks together...odd but we went with it. Then the new server proceeded to ask us for our IDs...as we were drinking our wine/beer and AFTER the initial waiter already looked at our IDs. We then were served what was supposed to be salad and garlic knots. But the salad looks like it came from a generic grocery store salad mix & the bread was very tough and has an awful aftertaste. We then got our food (my friend the spaghetti with sausage and me with the penne puttanesca) and we realized we could’ve made the food ourselves at home. Not good, my friend’s sausage was said to have been “made fresh that day” and it clearly was NOT and my food was (I’m pretty sure) barilla store bought pasta with a generic sauce and some spice added to it. The best part of the meal was the alcohol. Then we got the check; it was rushed and I told my friend (because we got very strange vibes) to get a copy of the receipt. Now our meal SHOULD have been for me (with a $14 dinner & $5 beer) $19 before tax. And his should’ve been (with a $14 dinner and a $7 wine) $21. So total $40 before tax. But the check came back as $50 and then my friend left a $5 tip. Now we sat in the car, I did the math, and we went back in and the man said that he included the suggested tip in the total WITHOUT our consent. We said ok and went back to the car and promptly got to working on our negative reviews. Because the whole thing was not good food, strange service, and included a tip we did not want to include. Fortunately, we had a very positive ending to the experience but we will NOT...