Brooklyn Diner (LaGuardia) — Restaurant in New York

I have very low expectations for food in an airport, and I never believed it possible to be amazed; this was an experience in which I found myself transported into surreality without anyone consciously attempting to do so.

They've attempted to dehuminize the experience by placing a QR code on every table, so you must order online. The human touch is restored by the woman walking circles around the tables, returning every 68 seconds to badger you about not having ordered online. Ordering, however, does not change this behaviour as she continues her scripted routine until every person at the table has received their order, although she seems to return occasionally, even then, to remind you, in harsh tones, that you must order online immediately.

Only five fountain beverages are available, so there is a one in five probability that you will receive the correct beverage. The excitement of this game is heightened when you approach the employees behind the counter to request a correction. As you approach, each employee gossips in fluent English; upon your arrival, they will continue to speak English, excepting any word related to your beverage order having been incorrect - this portion of their vocabulary has been removed from their experience. After extensive miming, your correct beverage will be delivered along with several others you did not request.

For fifteen percent of patrons, food is placed in front of them, subsequently removed, and the food is then delivered to a new table only to be restored back to the person who ordered and originally received it when both tables simultaneously correct the server for more than two minutes continuously.

One in seven customers have the delightful experience of receiving raw food - in my case, a hamburger ordered medium well was delivered with a patty that wasn't rare, it had the appearance of a perfectly raw patty taken straight from refrigeration and placed upon a bun. A request to receive cooked food was met with the plate being taken back into the kitchen. This action was the only evidence that the waitress was aware of my presence, as no speech or sign of recognition occurred as she removed the plate. I sat, not knowing if I should expect food or not and beginning to question whether I still existed in any objective sense.

Almost an hour after I had first sat down, the speechless woman returned with a dish I had not ordered. It was missing side dishes that would be expected based on the menu description of the item placed in front of me but appeared to be cooked. As the entirety of my party had completed their meals and my flight would be soon departing, I bit my tongue and ate what I could manage to choke down without mentioning the error.

Twenty minutes later, just as I finished this anomalous meal, a waiter appeared with two fully cooked hamburgers to replace the raw one. As I was already full of the grease soaked bread that had been placed in front of me, I made no attempt to eat either of these. I couldn't have if I'd wanted to, as the waiter offered them to me but, again, placed the food on a different table before removing the food back to the kitchen.

I suppose the thing I wonder the most after having navigated this particular rabbit hole is... for every one and a half patrons, a minimum of two dishes return to the kitchen untouched. Does the restaurant absorb this cost, or are these returned, random items repurposed into other...

If 0 stars could be given, that is what they earned. We were seated right at but waited a bit before anyone came to take our order. We both love reuben sandwiches and we're excited to get one in Brooklyn even if it was in an airport. We had more than an hour until our plane boarded, so we figured that was plenty of time for a deli sandwich and fries. WRONG!!! We waited at least 40 minutes. That wait was far too long for the quality of food we received. The sandwiches were pastrami reubens, and were quite literally the worst sandwich we have ever had. The meat was cut like a brisket not thinly sliced meat. It was full of grizzle and fat. The sauerkraut was almost non-existent, and the swiss cheese was so tasteless that it was barely memorable. The pastrami had zero taste other than the fat. Thousand island dressing was not brought out for at least 10 minutes. The fries were just ok. Reubens should always be served on rye bread (which was supposed to be used per the menu), but they were served on white toast. The sandwich wasn't even prepared on a stovetop. It was just put together. That being said, why did it take so long. Neither of us could stomach even half of the sandwich. No one came to check on us, and we had to flag someone down for our check. When we did pay, the server didn't even ask how our meal was. Based on all of these reviews, they're probably told not to. The food was WAY OVERPRICED! This was the worst meal we've ever had by far. If we would have had to prepay like many others, we would have demanded to speak to the manager. As it was, we barely made it to our gate in time. They were already starting to board the plane. Never go...

Walked in 30 seconds after another family. That family was helped immediately and received all their food after about 15 mins and we had not been even offered water -even after they received their food… By then, many other tables were being helped and getting orders in. I walked to the counter to ask the waitress if anyone was assigned to our table (as she stood up there for most of the time talking to her coworkers) and she instantly snapped at me. I walked away. We had already placed our order through the QR code, which we had not been made aware that we needed to do that and just so happen to see it. I was confused as to how a whole family who walked in with us could get their entire meal, but we hadn’t even been greeted. So when she finally walked to our table, I asked to cancel the order and she proceeded to try to tell me that ALLLLL the other people were there before us (which was not true!). I waited for the cancellation email but it was the most ridiculous thing ever. I was simply asking if there was anyone there to help since we had sat there for 15 mins without help. She instantly went off on me. Wow. Reminder— this is an airport… people have flights to catch and this restaurant isn’t cheap! We need a little sense of urgency and simple communication would have been great! I simply wanted to know that we would eventually be helped which clearly we would not be. The waitress who was rude has long brown hair and olive skin. Young girl who was truly more interested in talking with her coworkers than doing the job she’s paid to do. We will...