Eataly — Restaurant in New York

Danny DeVito. Pretty funny guy eh? I just went to see a broadway play where he was the main star. The play was about Danny needing to clean his house otherwise the fire department was going to come and evict him. Danny’s best friend, Foster, and his daughter, I forget her name, encourage him to clean, but he doesn’t. There are a few tussles between the characters, with the action peaking during a truly comedic 5 minute soliloquy where DeVito is playing the classic board game “Sorry!”. During this monologue, DeVito is playing all four pieces, red, green, yellow, and blue. According to DeVito, the red piece is the devil, whereas the yellow piece has been “called by God to slay the red piece”. The yellow piece does in fact slay the red piece, with some choice language by DeVito to celebrate this occasion (DeVito implied that the red piece was born to parents who were unmarried).

After the game of Sorry!, DeVito cleans his apartment, all of his loved ones leave him, and we live happily ever after.

I would like to highlight a few notes about the show that I particularly resonated with:

Devito’s best friend, Foster, moves to the 11th floor in a building in Cleveland. In my last apartment, I lived in the 11th floor. And, I used to work in Ohio, infrequently frequenting the Cleveland Hopkins International Airport The entire play is about DeVito cleaning his room. I really need to clean my room

Given these two facts, did I believe that the play was specifically speaking to me? Yes, yes I did.

I walked out of the show happy.

I also walked into the show happy, and that’s because I ate lunch at Eataly.

Our waiter was a lovely man. He quickly developed a great banter with myself and my parents, who were accompanying me both at lunch and at Danny.

We ordered our food in English, and my dad said “was that good Italian?” Clearly it wasn’t good Italian, my dad was speaking in English, but I thought it was a good bit.

Now in this situation, the easiest response from our waiter was to say “no, that is not great Italian”. However! Our waiter surprised me when he said “Yes that was incredible!”

I was throughly impressed, let me explain why. As I mentioned in my review of the lovely Spanish establishment “Toledo”, my second favorite class in college was Public Speaking. My first favorite class in college was improv. In improv, the #1 rule is to say “Yes” rather than say “No”. Saying no shuts down an idea, and saying yes is telling the other person you hear them, and you accept them.

In the moment the waiter said my dad had a great knowledge of the Italian language, he heard my dad, and he accepted my dad.

This acceptance came into handy when our meal ended, as the lovely waiter came back and gave a hard sell on the dessert.

In a post lunch situation, my parents will often say no to dessert. However, given the rapport the lovely waiter had developed with my father due to his impeccable improvisational ability, my dad decided to splurge for the post moon sugar rush.

The cake was described as “half sponge cake half sweet bread”. Sounds lovely to me.

Just like Danny DeVito’s bald head, the cake was covered in a smooth, white sauce. And just like Danny DeVito’s Einsteinian hair, the cake had raisins and candied orange to add texture. And just DeVito’s sense of humor, the cake made me feel warm and fuzzy on the inside.

So now you must be thinking, “What is the name of this dessert!”. So here’s the thing…

I don’t remember.

I looked all over the internet. “Famous Italian desserts”, “Eataly NYC menu”. Nothing. I think the dessert just got added to the menu today, so it has not yet been updated on the Eataly website. But if you say “I want the dessert that’s half sponge cake half sweet bread”, I would hope they can help you out.

The name of the Danny DeVito play was “I Need That”. Danny did not want to clean his room because he needed all of the stuff, as they represented important memories in his life. Just as DeVito needed his stuff, I needed that sweet Italian...

I've walked past the signage for this place for literally months on my way to and from work. Friday was the first time I actually walked up to the third floor of the Oculus Mall (I'm sure it has a different name, but there's no way it's as good as Oculus Mall) and experienced this for myself. My chum is a huge fan of both this location and the main one up in the Chelsea/Nomad area; it's clearly an establishment that caters to both tourists and locals, though I'm guessing from my experience that this downtown location is a LITTLE more touristy by virtue of its location a block from Ground Zero.

We showed up for a very early lunch here, around 11:30am or so (which completely threw off my eating schedule, but that's a story for another day). I'd actually recommend this time of day for a visit if the appetite/schedule allows - it was very low-key with excellent service, but you could tell it was starting to get a little more bustling by the time we wandered out. I'm not sure exactly what I was expecting based on the promotional material, but I was definitely not picturing something this high-end with multiple businesses within the establishment; beyond the sit-down Italian restaurant area, there was a grocery store, butcher shop area, deli, etc. It's a lot to take in.

We split the Pane Rustico app ($3), and I opted for the Tagliatella Alla Bolognese entrée (about $28). It's hard to go wrong with bread and olive oil. Obviously no one wants to have to pay extra for it, but $3 is pretty reasonable if you have to, and it WAS tasty. I prefer warm bread (this was room temperature), but it was definitely high quality and hit the spot. We actually got it because the waiter helpfully warned that my chum's entrée would likely take a bit longer than usual, but neither of us thought the wait time for the main food ended up being particularly noticeable. Win win. The Bolognese was very good. Was it the best I've had? No, but it was solid. I thought it was a bit on the bland side but I liked the meaty sauce, and the portion was respectable.

The price point for me was a little haphazard. I think you need to adjust expectations when you're jumping into an unapologetic tourist trap like this, but roughly $30 for a pasta lunch entrée is a bit high. I also strongly considered getting a glass of my all-time favorite wine gewurztraminer (which is insanely difficult to find by the glass, believe me), but it cost $20 - I could literally buy a few bottles of wine at Trader Joe's for that. It's also a little tough for me to morally justify non-vacation wine before noon, but I would have made an exception if the price had been more reasonable.

If you're up for battling the tourist hordes in the area, this is a surprisingly decent...

Eataly 54? Since landlords raising rents and trendy stores like Whole Foods Markets have driven basically all the health food stores, certainly 100% all anywhere near me and most of the supermarkets, trendy stores that, since they only locate in trendy neighborhoods, control who gets things like more than a token selection of organic produce. Eataly is one of those stores that carries some organic produce, above the overpriced few items stores like Key Food might (or might not) carry. Eataly, like those other stores with more organic produce, like Whole Foods and sometimes Trader Joes, put their stores in trendy areas for trendy people. Or, maybe it's meant for tourists mainly, based on the Flatiron and World Trade Center locations, besides other tourist heavy areas like a hotel in Los Vegas and The Prudential Center in Boston. As such, if I am in Manhattan, I walk into places that have organic produce when I am nearby, and have to decide what it is worth carrying around until I travel home. I walked in to see what organic produce they had to see what I would want, as I already picked up things like organic lettuce and organic blueberries elsewhere. The organic produce is mixed with all the other produce, so that requires looking at everything to see what is organic. After seeing what organic produce they had, none of which I needed based on what I already bought elsewhere, I decided to take a quick look around the store before leaving, and was stalked by a 300 pound beach ball shape in a security guard uniform. I wasn't really sure at first, since I have a condition that causes spinal fusion, so I can't turn my head, but became aware that no matter where I turned, he was behind me like he was attached to me by a leash. It was nothing short of stalking and harassment, which I have to assume was the store's way of driving me out of the store. Obviously, Eataly only wants certain types of people in their store, and takes action to harass and drive other people out. I certainly won't be patronizing...