Burger King — Restaurant in Paradise

Why am I, an avowed hater of Burger King food giving them a 5 star rating? Because they have refillable drinks and they are located in an airport terminal! Do I recommend consuming a Whopper before climbing into a sealed metal tube in the sky for several hours? Absolutely not! If I did that, there would be a code brown that would end badly for me and anyone adjacent to the restroom. I am a large man and if I can't get my legs apart, I can't have a productive bowel movement. I am over 6' tall and also over 200lbs. The last time I enjoyed a meal at Burger King that didn't end in intestinal distress, Jimmy Carter was president. That's also the last time I thought that anything other than the onion rings tasted good at Burger king. When you're a kid, you think fast food is awesome and you want it as often as you can talk your parents into getting it. As you grow older, most people at least come to realize that any fast food isn't really all that great. Some is more tolerable than others but BK has been my personal least favorite since the early 80's.

I remember the day it happened. The town I lived in as a small child had only a BK. Not even a McDonald's so that's where my mom took my brother and me, and we loved it. We moved to another town about 20 miles away when I was 5 but then they built a shopping mall in the field that had been directly across the street from the BK in my first town. As it was the 1980's, the mall was the epicenter of the community and shopping and my mom and aunt were all about it. They could kill an entire day at Place Two, which was a Nordstrom subsidiary in WA that hasn't existed in over 30 years now and this mall, which was still the closest to our new home, had one.

I was mid-way through my grade school experience at this point. It was summer and my aunt was in town for a month. Her and my mom wanted to shop so they loaded my brother and me into the car and drove to the mall. This was early on in my mom's shopping strategy and she thought if she offered up lunch at BK, it would placate my brother's and my boredom a least a little bit. We walked in to BK and I ordered a Whopper and some onion rings. It had been a while since I'd eaten there. Our new town was a McDonald's town and there was no BK. I noticed immediately that my burger smelled like toe sweat. Undeterred, I bit into it only to find that it also tasted like it was marinated in toe sweat. I initially assumed that I'd just gotten a bad one so I tried it a couple of more times before permanently writing off BK but just understand that to some extent, this is like a small kid finding out that Santa Claus and the Easter Bunny aren't real. It's a shock to the system and I've had trust issues with fast food ever since. My mom quickly pivoted to buying us corn dogs and then bribing us by taking us to B. Dalton's or Waldenbooks to each select a book which she would purchase for us to read while she and my aunt shopped. This turned out to be a far more effective strategy. I still love corn dogs and even though I usually make them myself now, I would still pay a fair amount to go back and have one from the now long defunct corn dog stand at SeaTac Mall, which I believe is now called "The Commons" or something similarly lame and vanilla.

Any consumption of Burger King food would lead to a colonic event that would rival the Cossacks at the Gate. If Dumb and Dumber had had a sequel like Die Hard, a BK BM would be like the Dumb and Dumber bathroom scene on a plane, and that is NOT an experience on my bucket list.

Since that day as a 9 year old kid was probably the beginning of what has made me a Yelp review enthusiast, think of it as my Yelp origin story. After enduring the ridiculous TSA screening and humping my luggage to my gate, the ability to stroll over and purchase a refillable diet soda to sip while I wait to board my plane and then carry on is greatly appreciated and to that, I say, "Thank you...

I could not believe this was actually a Burger King. It certainly did not give the impression that this was the same company asssociated to the Burger Kings I frequent back home. It was more like a boxing ring. You arrive and people yell at you to leave the counter and order at the kiosk. So I go to the Kiosk and ask one of the employees, who is standing right there to help me. She is very kind and helps me with my modifications no problem. The man beside me is having issues with his kiosk not working and the woman tells him not to worry and just go up to the counter where he will be served. Both of us are at the "thank you - thank you" stage and all is good. While I am waiting in line behind the man in front, I grab my diet coke bottle and also an extra water that I will have on the plane. It was my intention to pay for this extra up at the counter. Just then, like as if someone was yelling through a blow horn, this very tall and large woman with a very stern face looks at the man in front of me and blurts out that she is only serving airport staff and that he has to go to the kiosk. When he attempts to explain that the kiosk is broken and he was asked to come here, she calls him a "liar" and laszy and tells him to "save your stories for someone who cares". The other staff are listening by then as are the other customers who have turned their necks to watch in disbelief. I am standing behind him and as I explained, I saw it all go down as he said so I clearly looked at this HORRIBLE person and told her "Now that's not very kind to speak to someone like that and call them a liar.............that's not how you speak to customers" At this point, this huge tall woman (I am sorry to make such reference to her demeaner like this, but you had to see what it looked like with her using her stature as if she were a soldier"), she tells me butt out as this is not my business and then turns her face away from me hold her right hand out with open face and fingers stretched to the sky (as if to say "your done"). I inform her clearly now "Look in, your kind employee at the kiosk as attempting to help him ....." she interrupts and yells "you don't exist. I don't see you"...........I continue never the less with "and she was kind enough to send him here to the counter to place his order" .......Again she is turned away with horrible glairs towards me in rapid succession as if she is possessed. I tell her that I still have a water here to pay for extra and she says "I am not taking your money because you do not exist. YOu will have to pay for this at the store next to us" I ask for management at this stage and she turns her head swiftly and glares down at me as if she is going to eat me and abruptly informs me that " I am the manager and you must leave not".........In utter shock I take my food and leave. The man ahead of me thanks me over and over again and says "This is like living a nightmare. Thank you for...

Have you seen Zootopia? In particular, do you remember Flash, the sloth? Well, Flash got fired from the DMV and now works at the LAS Burger King, with all of his cousins.

Y'all, the speed at which these workers work is awe-inspiring. I watched the girl make sandwiches with loving detail, as she placed the cheese just so. Now, granted, the food looked exactly like the pictures on the board when she was making it, so brava, but good lord, there were 20 of us in line. The pilot in front of me literally kicked his wheeled suitcase and left his first place in line at the counter, without ordering. Apparently, the way to go is to order on the kiosk. They will literally clear all of those orders first, without taking any more counter orders. So, if you are paying cash, you are screwed over. They absolutely want you to exit the line in disgust before you order.

They had a girl doing nothing but transferring ice to a bucket, but that bucket never reached the fountain drink machine in the 20 mins i stood in line. The speed at which she transferred the ice was impressive. Her arm moved so slow and methodical, no doubt this was Flash's cousin, Zippy.

Today was the day that my tiny, 76 year old mother decided she was big hongry. She ordered a double sausage croissant combo meal. I ordered 2 ham and cheese croissants and 2 large drinks for my husband and I. When I received the bag, there was only one ham and cheese. I handed it back and told her something was missing. Apparently, she did not ring up the second sandwich. My order was $27. Are you telling me one combo meal, a sandwich, and 2 drinks was 27 dollars? Then she acted like she was unable to do anything because she only rang up one sandwich. I stopped the line, from its snails pace, and demanded she make it right and ring up another sandwich, knowing we wouldn't be eating an actual meal again for the next 8 hours of flights and connections. We get to the gate. Now my sandwich was fresh and picture perfect. But my mom and her out of character big appetite had to settle for the single sausage patty, because they couldn't be bothered to put the right sandwich in the bag.

If you are going to be slow, you need to...