Il Santa Maria Ristorante — Restaurant in Florence

Ah, Italy. The land of romance, art, and pasta so divine it makes you weep. Unless, of course, you wander into Il Santa Maria Ristorante, where the only thing that made me cry was the sheer audacity of what they called "homemade pasta."

Let’s start with the food: My dish arrived with the speed of a Formula 1 pit stop, which was suspicious. Upon closer inspection, I’m fairly sure I saw the pasta rebelling on the plate, maybe trying to return to its natural habitat: a plastic bag from a supermarket shelf. “Homemade,” they said. I assume they meant someone at some point in human history made it in a home. Just... not recently. Or in this century.

Our waiter, a man on a mission, took our order before we even opened the menu. Blink, and he was gone. Blink again, and the food had arrived. I opened my mouth to complain, but only managed to say “could we….” before the bill slapped down on the table like a judge’s gavel.

Trial over. Verdict: guilty of dining under duress.

Now, the toilets. I entered the women’s restroom hoping for a moment of quiet reflection. Instead, I was greeted by what can only be described as a biological horror. There, in all its unflushable glory, floated a monstrous turd that defied the laws of plumbing, physics, and human decency. I made brief eye contact with it. It won. I left spiritually damaged.

In conclusion, if you’re looking for authentic Italian cuisine, warm hospitality, and a restroom free from gastrointestinal trauma, keep walking. On the other hand, if you’ve ever wanted to experience what it’s like to be force-fed mediocrity in under 12 minutes while a cursed toilet haunts your dreams — congratulations, you’ve found your spot.

Buon appetito...

A Classic Tourist Trap — Avoid!

We stopped in for what we hoped would be a light dinner and a few drinks. We ordered some pasta and a fillet, expecting a casual, no-fuss evening. Unfortunately, the experience quickly turned sour.

The server immediately launched into a hard sell on expensive wines, as if we were on a luxury wine tour. He tried to push a €120 bottle on us, and when we politely asked for something more affordable, he warned us that the cheaper option (still €65 — hardly cheap) was “bad” and would give us stomach aches. We weren’t looking for anything fancy — just a decent drink with our meal.

By then, our order was already in, or we would have walked out. Trying to keep things light, we said, “Okay, bring us the bad wine then.”

When he returned, he still did the full wine presentation, a tasting ritual that felt more like mockery than service at that point. He literally told us the wine was bad, made us taste it anyway, and left us awkwardly unsure of how to respond. “Yes, you’re right — it’s awful”? What were we supposed to say?

On top of that, they got our food order wrong. And the final bill? €120 for two people for a mediocre meal and a deeply uncomfortable experience.

We’ve had far better meals for a fraction of the price elsewhere in Florence. The food was average at best, and thankfully, the “bad” wine didn’t give us any stomach problems like the server warned. But honestly, if they truly think their cheaper wines are that bad, why even list them?

The upselling here was ridiculous — we’ve been to high-end and Michelin-starred restaurants, and none were this pushy. This place doesn’t care about service or quality — just...

This is as much as tourist predator establishment as it is a restaurant, and they'll use every parlor trick available to get you, fast talking, dim lighting, and blatant lies.

I went with some friends last week for a nice dinner out on our last night in Firenze, as I'm sure many people do. Two of us ordered salads and pasta, and two of us ordered 2 different types of steak (each roughly €30).

Lorenzo, our fast-talking, used cars salesman of a waiter, blatantly lied to us, telling us we could get the t-bone for cheaper (he used that word explicitly) than the 2 steaks we initially had ordered.

Against better judgement we trusted him, and got the t-bone for 2. He also told us to pick 2 sides, and that they came with the dish, so we ordered their potatoes and a salad.

The steak, which was ordered medium, came out rare at best, barely seared, and not at all cooked through.

As disappointed as we were with the meal itself, the real shock was when the bill came and our steak that was "cheaper" than our initial order, came to €300, and on top of that, they charged us for each of the "free sides" that they offered as well.

They'll try to use their charm, fast talking, and parlor tricks to scam you, knowing that most people won't return anyone soon. Don't get got like I did.

Edit: after my friends and I left our honest reviews of a bad experience the restaurant reached out to us, offering a bribe of a partial refund in exchange for removing our honest reviews, which is shady business practice and makes me call into question all the 5 star reviews they do have. Please be cautious with this scam of an...