TOTALE PIZZERIA - Saldanha — Restaurant in Lisbon

A Disastrous Dining Experience — Avoid This Place!

I don’t usually write negative reviews, but this experience was absolutely dreadful, and people deserve to know.

From the moment we arrived, things went wrong. We were a group of three, but the restaurant seemed entirely unprepared to accommodate us. They only had tables for two and one large table that was reserved. It took them an unreasonably long time to realize they could simply push two tables together — something that should be basic knowledge for any restaurant staff. Their lack of experience and problem-solving skills was glaringly obvious.

Once seated, things didn’t get any better. The place was freezing because their heating system was broken, and they kept the door wide open to compensate. Sitting through dinner in such cold conditions was extremely uncomfortable.

The food was equally disappointing. We ordered a vitello tonnato that turned out to be bland, boiled meat served with what tasted like a watery, milky sauce — so unappetizing that I had to ask for extra sauce just to improve the taste.

My friend ordered a bresaola and specifically requested it without any dressing, no sauce, no oil, no seeds — just plain as asked. Instead, it arrived drenched in balsamic vinegar, completely disregarding our request.

We also ordered a pizza that was shockingly bad — dry, overcooked, and closer to a cracker than a proper pizza. It was hard, crunchy, and felt more like eating a digestive biscuit than a freshly baked pizza.

To top it all off, our dishes arrived at three separate times, making the meal feel fragmented and chaotic. When we asked for takeaway boxes, they told us they didn’t even have any — something we’ve never experienced before. We had to go home, grab a box ourselves, and return just to take our leftovers.

We wanted to complain directly to the manager, but surprise — no manager on-site. Instead, they handed us an email address, which felt dismissive and unprofessional.

Despite the awful experience, poor service, and subpar food, we were still charged full price without even a token gesture of goodwill.

This was one of the most disappointing dining experiences we’ve ever had. If you value decent food, competent service, and a comfortable environment, avoid this place...

Why does this place have ANY 1 star reviews? I can only think that Gen Z has gone soft in the head. I can't speak for the atmosphere (we ate mid-afternoon on a Friday, which would be a dead time anywhere), but ... Well, firstly, the service was awful. Forgivable mostly, if the food were good. However, 1) we had a coeliac in our party - there was no GF base, other than the charcoal option, no GF beer (despite it being on the menu), plus one of the only GF desserts was unavailable. Disgusting, to be honest. The waitress seemed extremely dismissive of our GF requirements.... Plus, (and I have eaten a pizza or two, including lots in Italy), the pizza was also awful. Even the 'normal' bases are clearly prepared off-site. The ones we had (and I mean WHY does anyone need a choice of pizza base anyway ??) had a doughey, focaccia-like texture, and are served square. The menu options are weird (not classic), and the toppings are mid-range. All assembled by unskilled kitchen staff and cooked in a conventional oven (you can forget your wood-fired here). Just about the worst pizza experience (GF or otherwise) our family has ever had. Makes Pizza...

Totale Pizzeria Saldanha: Vegan Pizza in Lisbon, Portugal

We found the cozy and quaint Totale Pizzeria near our hotel, The Moxy, right on time as cravings for a delicious vegan pizza had intensified. You can dine inside the intimate eatery or outside while enjoying Portugal’s lovely spring weather. More importantly, Totale has a vegan-specific menu with the following dishes:

Vegan Caesar Salad featuring spinach, cherry tomatoes, sunflower seeds, courgette, herbed vegan chicken, and vegan mayo Falafel Croquettes served with hummus and poopy seeds

Vegan Truffell Pizza made with Italian porcini mushrooms, almond mozzarella, truffle sauce, and arugula Enchanted Garden Pizza consisting of San Marzano tomato sauce, almond mozzarella, braised peppers, fresh mushrooms, red onions, herbed vegan chicken, and black olive pate

We ordered the freshly made Truffell Pizza and everything else, but will return soon for the Enchanted Garden. Additionally, Totale allows you to choose your crust: thin, gluten-free, or even...