FACH — Restaurant in Bratislava

Unfortunately, while Fach Bistro is pleasing to the eyes, it fails to please the mouth. In late evening, we were looking for a place to have some dinner. Since most restaurants during dinner time on Friday tend to be packed in Bratislava, we opted for Fach Bistro. It was rather empty, as it has placed itself as somewhat of a posh place. In terms of price, it really didn't feel posh at all. The prices were approachable, and the menu selection looked small yet interesting. The plating was done well, but in a strange way.

This is where it all went downhill.

Our menu of sheep cheese ravioli and pork cheek meatball came. I am skipping the mentions of bread and butter here, since I honestly do not understand what is behind people's obsession with it. It really wasn't impressive. The "ravioli" was deconstructed - thus somehow looking like a taco. "Okay," I thought, "the chef has seen a fair amount". Yet the taste was absolutely horrendous. The sheep cheese was way too overpowering that it covered the taste of any other ingredient of the dish. The dough was too shiny and slippery for it to at least compliment the natural rustic taste of natural sheep cheese. At the first bite, I had to spit it out. Absolutely disgusting.

I asked for the waitress, and told her to take it away since it's not good. She took the dish with a slight aristocratic grin on her face, and walked away - not a single apology, and she didn't even care to ask why. That lack of hospitality was more than enough to be completely turned off. Perhaps Fach's design is too "scandinavian", presentation too complicated, and the combination of ingredients too tiresome, that the overall vibe has been embodied by this waitress into a form of unfounded, ungrounded superiority complex.

That behaviour was absolutely disgusting, that I do not even remember what the pork cheek meatballs tasted like. At that point, I simply didn't care.

I asked for the bill. Then there it was - the ravioli I sent back, right on the bill. I looked at the waitress, and said "The ravioli I sent back is on the bill, I see". She stayed silent. I didn't want to cause a disruption to other people's evening and fuss over a measly 12 Euros (or maybe it was 13 or 15), so I paid, and left.

Honestly, I'm not saying that my tastebuds are the most perfect. I believe I am well-traveled and well-experienced enough to know when a dish is not put well together, but that tends to be subjective. Yet what left a foul taste in my mouth was the behaviour of the waitress, who clearly lacked any training in hospitality and professionalism. When she took the dish back to the kitchen, didn't the kitchen staff or at least the runner ask what's wrong with it? Perhaps they simply tossed it into the trash, as it seems that they tossed a sense of hospitality into the trash, too.

Would never recommend this horrid experience to anyone. Literally go to any other restaurant in Bratislava, and you will be treated...

A beer so bad I felt it was my obligation to write my first ever Google review.

Advertised as "special beer: 'FACH ME HARDER!', fruit/herb summer ale, sea buckthorn and thyme. Produced in cooperation with Slovak beer brewery Hellstork"

A classic example of how not to brew a beer. The following is guesswork based on my background as a public speaker of craft beer brewing at various conventions. That being said, I do not know the treatment FACH exposed it to during their possession of the cans.

The beer was very mildly carbonated, resulting in a flat experience with little to no visible foam head (even if proper protein conditions allowed for it). This could be due to not given proper time to carbonate in the can or due to improper pre-canning carbonation (didn't feel like drinking the entire can just to confirm the former from leftover yeast residue, but a very strong yeasty taste and aroma indicated that it may be so). The yeast flavor was overwhelming, especially from a fruit beer, which indicates a too long primary fermentation or dead yeast residue from the secondary fermentation. In addition, the hops aroma and flavor was similarly absent, likely due to a too slow cooling of the wort before fermentation or a too long boiling of the mash (can be mitigated by using less sensitive hop sorts / dry-hoping during primary fermentation) - another reason could be cool fermentation conditions (larger), where dry-hopping is less effective due to being unable to extract the bright aroma flavors. In those cases, do a cold crash instead.

PS. The food was decent, but definitely on the...

I have a bit mixed feelings about this place. First good impression made the interior. Very nicely designed, kind of instgramly stylish. First inconvenience was way to the toilet. Such a small detail but going through maze just to get to the restroom is a bit annoying. Another thing is really loud music considering amount of people inside. If there is a lot of people who obviously talk to each other, then playing music louder doesn’t make the whole situation more pleasant.

I really was happy with high standard of service. The waiters speak English, are very kind and polite. They basically make you feel wanted to be their guest.

The best thing I have ever tried (and I am not exaggerating) was iced bubble tea! I swear to god, this tea is such tasty beverage I will be coming back there only for it. The pear cake (kudos for vegan option) was however just decent so I was a bit disappointed.

Overall experience was really nice. I really recommend visit this place.

I almost forgot: the prices are very affordable. For half a litre of tea and cake I...