Thieving Harry's — Restaurant in England

Upon entering the doors of Thieving Harry's, the aroma of freshly cooked burgers and the whizz of the coffee machine enticed me into a busy atmosphere of friendly animated people. What happened in the next hour can only be described as something from a Philip K Dick novel. Flickers of an alternative reality where you get your beans served to you in a mug instead of on your toast.

I ordered the beans and mushrooms on marmite toast (flicker #1: the waiter muttering the word 'mental' underneath his breath), while my girlfriend ordered the avocado and cheese toastie (flicker #2: him telling me the avocados are a bit hard). we looked out at the splendid view of the port with the chitter chatter of multiple happy families surrounding us.

Our food arrived a fairly reasonable half an hour later. What came towards us was two examples of Pollock-style abstract presentation. My beans as aforementioned came in a mug, but ironically were below the temperature of a long forgotten cup of tea. The 'mushrooms' were technically mushrooms, because there were more than one. There was two. Two button mushrooms.

My girlfriends avocado and cheese toastie was more of a scene reminiscent of the destruction and barren lands seen in such war films as The Pianist. What seemed to be a minor detail to the staff was the absence of the key ingredient - the avocado. When this was brought to the attention of a nearby waitress who initially stared through our harrowed souls, then came over, she said earnestly that she would replace the avocado with 'tomatoes or spinach or something'. She came back in what must have been the exact time it takes to throw a leaf from one side of a kitchen to the other, with the same sandwich, but now complete with watercress - a leaf which heavily featured in the side salad already on our table. No avocado, spinach or tomato though.

If I had woken in a substandard state of mind today, this may have been the straw that broke the camel's back. Luckily the beauty of Hull has kept me in good spirits, but be warned ladies and gentlemen - this cafe is nothing more than a greasy spoon with upcycled lampshades and ill-placed charity...

After frequently seeing Thieving Harry’s, I thought it would be a nice, quirky brunch stop. Unfortunately, our visit was extremely disappointing. We were told there would be a 30-minute wait for food, which we were happy to accept, assuming we could enjoy coffee in the meantime. It wasn’t clear whether we needed to order at the counter or wait for table service, but eventually our order was taken — two coffees, a sandwich from the specials board, and a club sandwich.

The wait for the coffees was surprisingly long (just under 30 minutes), though they were very good when they arrived. Sadly, the food was far less enjoyable. After waiting about an hour, the specials sandwich arrived with no sides and very chewy, flavourless pork, while the club sandwich was quite dry served with a few crisps and coleslaw that tasted off. We were so hungry by this point that we just ate what we were given, but it was certainly not what we had hoped for.

Throughout the meal, no one came to check if everything was okay, and when paying, we weren’t asked how our visit had been. For over £35, the quality and service felt very poor value — I would have expected something closer to £20 for what was served.

It’s a shame, as the café clearly has good reviews and perhaps we caught it on a bad day. But based on this visit, we wouldn’t return and will instead opt for a different brunch...

This place was busy everytime we walked past, having visited for brunch on Sunday morning, I can't fathom why. The service is slow and haphazard with servers wandering around the upstairs two or three times before realising the party have moved tables or are seated outside, and the seating arrangements are uncomfortable at best. I don't mind doubling up on a table with strangers, but the "shabby chic" seems to have been taken a step too far here with school tables and chairs outside for dining. The prices are average for a trendy part of town in this year's city of culture, and the portions are good value for money. However, everything is charred or burnt, and I don't know if that's on purpose or not? The toast on the garlic toast with fried eggs was black on the edges, the fried egg was crispy and the yolk completely set, but you could see it hadn't been flipped, which is quite a feat and the two slabs of chorizo were black around the edges. The quality of the coffee once it arrives, plus the views from upstairs go some way to making this place "ok", but there is so much potential going to waste due to what seems like an inability to...