Coltivare — Restaurant in Houston

I have been to Coltivare twice and waited to write a review. This place is highly regarded and I didn’t get the full effect the first time I went and unfortunately, I can’t say my opinion changed too much.

Atmosphere: The wait is ridiculous on a Friday/Saturday night (roughly 2 hours). It is not necessarily for the crowd but also because the space is small. It isn’t a really good spot for a large party but they can accommodate up to 6 people at a table fairly well. The first time I went, we sat outside which was nice because the day was nice and it was quaint sitting amongst the herbs that they pick for your food. The second time, we sat inside and it was a bit more claustrophobic. We actually had gotten there right at 5 PM and there was already a line of people.

Appetizer: Their cauliflower/pine nuts/raisin (5/5) was probably my favorite dish for the night (more than the pizzas). They had a good seasoning with a hint of sweetness.

Pizza: I personally think that there are definitely better places for pizza in Houston (Luna’s being one of my favorite). The crust is phenomenal (nice is spongy) but their actual pie is super thin. These are the pizzas we have gotten:

Pepperoni - 4/5 - this one is by far my favorite. Once again, because the actual pie is thin, you have to ask them to go light on sauce so it doesn’t make it soggy.

Mozarella/Parmesan/ricotta/pt. Reyes - 2/5 - so, I was super excited for this one and the most disappointed by it as well. The pt. Reyes (which is a blue cheese) is as wayyyyy too overpowering. I like blue cheese but this was too much. Our party of 6 finished half the pizza and didn’t take the test to go because no one was going to eat it the next day. I would recommend asking them to leave out the pt. Reyes next time.

Tomato, basil, mozarella - 3/5 - I am not a huge fan of margherita pizza but this was good. Once again, soggy because of the thing pie but if you ask them to go light on sauce, it would be better.

Pasta: We got the ricotta gnocchi (2/5) which was really weird, for lack of better words. If you have every had paneer (Indian cheese), it’s the same consistency. It didn’t have much flavor so it was just weird.

Overall, the food is good but mediocre. I don’t know if it is worth waiting more than 20-30...

If I could leave 0 stars for service and hospitality I would… my wife and I came in tonight (6:30pm 4/27/2025) to see friends we had not seen in over a year. We were sat in the front right by the host stand (not a single problem honestly loved our spot) the issue was our server. I would give his name but he never gave it to us. My wife and I have both been in the hospitality industry for over 10 years each, and there were numerous actions our server had made that made us want to ask for a new server, however while we are also in this industry we reframed from it because we personally believe when you come to an establishment that is known for their food and hospitality you would think you would never want to ask this question or the experience would never get to a point where you would ask for a switch in servers. There was never a “hi how are you doing”, he was very quick to leave our table after one person would ask for a drink (example: my wife and I asked for a bottle of wine while our friends wanted beer, once we ordered the wine he walked away, w waved him down for our other friends to order, only one got to order before he walked away again, it wasn’t until the THIRD TIME we flagged him down we all got our orders in, after this interaction he quickly snatched the wine glasses out of the way without asking if our friends wanted to have a glass or not - he was very short with us, and quite frankly made it feel like WE weren’t deserving of being there. I hate the feeling of coming into an establishment to have a great time and ultimately get let down by the server, if he was weeded and busy it is one thing, but to feel like he is intentionally giving us bad service because we look young and look like we aren’t going to tip or whatever the case is - when your in this industry you are suppose to take care of your guests who TIP YOU at the end of the night - honestly if it wasn’t for the toast tab and our server hovering above us while we tipped I would of left nothing… this was the absolute worst service I have ever had at a restaurant, I have never felt this way about a dinning experience as someone who is extremely passionate about hospitality. I would love for a manager to get in...

I was sweating. This was no longer a debate. "Where is the bathroom? " (I thought to myself) I never bothered to look where it was, but thankfully instincts took over and I went straight to it. Open, lock, flip, slams down onto the throne. A wave of cool relief washed over me allowing me to relax to scan the area. My hearing was still coming back from the contractions and just for a moment -a turtle head saw the light of day then suddenly I saw the handle move. But thankfully the lock works. This made me happy to feel their desperation through the door. It was then I realized that this fart box is well above average. The turlet was nice and tall and I didn't have to bother to hold the bits out of the lake. The cleaning accoutrement was near home quality. The one and only needed flush took care of it. Because this, this isn't some drippy hippy 1/3 oz per flush anemic ADA monster that wastes your day. This was a toilet that has seen the test of time and probably has some epic flushes under it's belt. I named it Farley. I stood up off Farley and commended him on his great abilities then moved on to analyze the rest of this Oasis. The sink was pretty darn good. I didn't really have to rub my hands on the back of the bowl to get them wet under the flow but it was pretty acceptable despite the narrow urethra flow of water. (I heard more desperate attempts to come in, I was un-phased). Then I was forced into a trance. The soap, straight up hairs on my arm appear. I'm teleported back to washing my dong off in my neighbors garage after his wife's chest with BORAXO BRAND BORAX SOAP!!! This is amazing, only real soap snobs even know about this stuff, let alone actually obtain it! Now... I don't normally do this... But I'm gonna use the blower... Yeah I have total confidence that no one has peed up into it and it's still somewhat "clean". (I'm guilty I like blowers, oh well.) Ok, now ands are dry and I guess I possibly was taking a while. Reluctantly I departed. The people outside seemed happy. They looked in after me before running in. I do highly recommend this bowl and have put Farley on my familiar...