Rimsky-Korsakoffee House — Restaurant in Portland

NO STARS. Seriously, skip this place if you have any dignity or self-respect and go someplace else for your late-night coffee (Pied Cow has HOOKAS, just sayin'). We had a group of 7 visit on a Thursday night at the insistence of one of the group, and it was a near-fatal error for the night in question. Upon entering we stood in the doorway for several minutes along with several other customers - not a great sign. The single waitress/hostess was hurrying back and forth and didn't even pretend to acknowledge the growing crowd in the foyer (since this is LITERALLY a converted house the entry is also the landing for the stairs). Eventually a similar sized group left, and we were directed towards a circle of busted-up chairs and old couches around a low coffee table. This is the kind of old couch you really don't want to sit on as you're going to lose your phone or keys in the crack and you REALLY don't want to stick your hand in there. It's an escalating circle of nastiness that simply will not end well. The oddball assortment of chairs were questionable at best - structurally, bacterially, and comfortably. It was very strange, and the size of the coffee table meant you had to sort of lean towards each other to have a conversation - just not really a great time. After a further 10 minutes (timed, no less) of being ignored as we sat patiently getting a closer look at our surroundings (gross) we decided to go elsewhere. This is not the only review of it's type - I'm usually hesitant to believe such poor service and conditions exist for as long as a place has been opened but it's clear the owners can't be bothered to bring on other staff even as they're apparently extremely busy. Clearly the people who return to this place have no real idea of how customers should be treated (maybe scrape the gum off the bottom of the coffee table once in while?), and given the state of the front of house I don't imagine the kitchen is in great shape either. Skip this place. Don't waste your time. You can get the same kitch-y experience at any one of dozens of other small cafes that aren't so intentionally crappy (since this isn't a dive bar, intentionally crappy is not acceptable in this instance). Google made me give it one star to post. I don't even...

The first time I went here no complaints, it was fine. They have a really cool space and it definitely is an experience.

I went here again with some co workers and had a bad experience. I and one coworker showed up fifteen minutes after they opened and said we had three more people coming. The host (there was only 1) told us we had to wait until everyone from the party was there before getting a table. As we sit waiting there for ten minutes for the other 3 to show up, more and more people start coming in. Then I notice the sign-in sheet (which the host didn't mention to us), quickly put us on the sheet at the end of three more parties who came after us, and waited again.

So yeah, the place is EXTREMELY busy and I could already tell, so busy that they don't really care about any individual person as customers.

But whatever, I can deal with this, it's kind of normal for hip crowded places in Portland to do this. Our friends show up, see you need vaccination cards (STILL) and everyone is frantically looking on their phone for vax info. Our name is called, and just as we are about to show the host our vax info (we were all vaxed), one coworker's phone dies so he can't show his vax card picture, and the host basically kicks him out, saying that she could get in trouble if she seats him or something.

I'm kind of mad at this point, but tried to tell myself they can make whatever rules they want. THEN she says we need to go back on the list and wait because the table that was ready doesn't actually sit four, only five+.

I admit, I kind of lost it a little. I rage quit. "Okay we'll go somewhere else then" mic drop, walked away, out of there.

AND I didn't see or hear anything about cash only. Just noticed that when I was about to write this review.

tl;dr: this place is so busy and understaffed that they maximize 100% table efficiency over customer experience. I probably won't go here again for a long time, and recommend this place only for the funky vibe and not for any good...

This is a hard review, but I’m going to post it to make sure what happened to me doesn’t happen to others, hopefully. I was very excited to come here as it seemed like a very unique experience. I’m all into niche Portland activities, especially late-night ones. Our waitress was extremely unfriendly, and I honestly couldn’t tell you what her voice sounded like because she didn’t respond to anything we said and proceeded to ignore me for almost 20 minutes when I tried to pay. I had my card on the edge of the table while multiple other people who came in after me paid before me, and somehow I continued to feel unnoticed. Also, as a bigger dude, I got stuck at a table against the wall and basically had the table crushing into my stomach the whole time. To top it off said table was very very wobbly and a light press of the pinky could wobble the whole table. I also got put into the smaller of the two rooms, which is poorly decorated and not nearly as interesting. I did not get the haunted vibe at all. The place is basically goodwill central which I like but that small room has very little art or anything besides a photo and ornaments hanging from the ceiling. The bathroom was really fun. You should definitely go in there if you visit. I just hope that maybe this server was having an off day because the service was absolutely mediocre. The food was really good. It was also very, very loud inside, and maybe if I had a more receptive server and a better seat, I wouldn’t have been so overstimulated by the environment. I do recommend trying this place, but I hope you don’t draw the short stick as I did. I will try this place again eventually and update my review. You would think with the amount of hype, reviews, and parties waiting to get inside that this would be an unforgettable experience. We were left feeling like we should have spent the birthday...