accesso ShoWare Center — Attraction in Kent

Escape from the ShowWare Center by Ryan Shirley

Built by the Evil Empire after the demise of the Death Star and Starkiller Base, The ShowWare Center in Kent remains the headquarters for all Empire-related operations and overall fun-killing initiatives.

Some of their most notable accomplishments include the delivery of an Enjoyment Extraction Procedure, which involves the deployment of "Extraction" soldiers throughout the venue to consistently monitor events in danger of becoming fun. The center proudly boasts their 100% Fun Extraction Rate in 2017 on large banners as you arrive at their lauded free parking lots.

Last evening at the Kygo concert - a Norwegian DJ who is known for causing unauthorized levels of enjoyment in his fans - Extraction troops were posted at every turn, beginning with the security checkpoint. From the examination, removal, and disposal of nearly $50 in makeup from my wife's purse (given the clear security threat of lipstick) to more extreme measures such as rectal examinations or the public impalement of marijuana smokers, the center does everything possible to showcase its commitment to patron misery upon arrival.

Once inside the center, one must keep their wits about them as the Empire has troops of all rank and file monitoring your every move. After being shackled and ushered to our seats (in the front row next to the standing section), we were greeted by a bald, stone-faced security droid who stood emotionless about ten feet in front of us for the entire show. His unflinching gaze stared into our souls and filled us with a Palpatine-level of fear and anxiety. Both of us are of legal drinking age and yet his presence had us convinced each sip of our $9 Coors was draining his life blood.

He soon met his match however as the Alcohol Enforcement team arrived and proved that the Empire will stop at nothing to extract pleasure. The AE team was crafted specifically by General Snoke and serves the highest order in the Empire. Donning Snoke’s quintessential red attire and armed to the teeth with tasers, lasers, phasers, and breathalyzers, the team aims to ensure that not one sip of alcohol touches illegal lips. Swift, secretive and cunning, they are quick to respond to any critical issues that arose during the show, such as the one guest who accidentally walked the incorrect way. Poor guy never even saw the AE team before they swung in from the rafters and melted his face with a laser. The irony was not lost at an EDM concert. Some of the higher ranking AE officials could be seen angrily patrolling the corridors in response to a pervasive herbal odor so enjoyable Vader himself would be rolling in his grave. I actually used the restroom twice and saw Extraction and AE soldiers actually peer into stalls and urinals to catch any culprits. It was truly a tough call as to which area was less stressful, our seats with the droid or the restrooms where one can not urinate without observation.

Once the show concluded all guests are ushered out in silence as the Empire logo blares on the screens... and searched 78 more times before departure.

As someone who has traveled all over the galaxy for entertainment, the Accesso ShowWare Center lived up to its hype as the “Unhappiest Place on Earth” and this explorer will never return.

Long Live the...

Great hockey & concert venue, with excellent concession and event staff, marred by some truly atrocious, smug, rude, condescending and callous management. Before delving into all that, though, I will summarize some of its best features:

Free parking (in the east lot only, however) Wonderful security, concession, and event staff (minus one manager in particular) Spacious venue, with great sight lines, even from the floor

Now, on to the problem:

Myself, my wife, and another 20-or-so attendees had VIP Meet & Greet tickets to meet one of the bands in the lineup for our event, to which we were invited into the venue early to hang out with them, take pictures, etc. Although our band was not the headliner, we were told by event staff that, once our session was done, we'd have to head back outside. However, we were explicitly told to line up behind the VIP line for the headliner, and once their session was one, we'd ALL be allowed entry into the venue early, partially to avoid the 90+ degree heat and direct sunlight hitting the glass and reflective mirrors on the sunny-side of the building, where our lines were told to assemble. We confirmed this multiple times with the gentleman, who was friendly, warm, helpful and welcoming.

Once we were back outside, things took a turn south, as the Events Manager, the aforementioned smug, rude, condescending and callous mentioned above, decided otherwise, and subjected nearly two dozen people to several hours of sun exposure, simply due to her being on some sort of power trip. Multiple people in our group would end up suffering from heat-related health issues, including two diabetics. Thankfully, some of the caring concession staff inside, noticing our plight, offered some free cold beverages to help alleviate their suffering.

Despite being informed of what the previous gentleman had said, as well as the condition of the people suffering in the heat, the Events Manager continued to be smug and dismissive, her response always distilling down to basically "because I said so". Her final excuse was that our tickets simply could not be scanned for entry prior to a certain time, which is true to a point. However, as one of the people in our group worked for Ticketmaster, and informed her, and everyone present, that this is adjustable by the venue AND Ticketmaster, she ran out of excuses.

Once we were finally inside, things were great, once people had recovered from the heat. However, this Events Manager put people's live in danger for no reason other than exerting her power, and that is in excusable. A complaint is being filed with the BBB by multiple people in our group, as well as formal complains with the venue's ownership and upper management. At the VERY least, in the future, ShoWare Center needs to inform their management that extended queues for summer events MUST be moved to the shaded side of the building, and when people start to suffer legitimate risks to their health, then it's time to take action...or be the subject of legal action taken...

The most important thing at any facility like this is the parking which there is lots of and is well designed, meaning it is easy to get in and out of. I came here since my brother was invited to a Seattle Thunderbirds recruitment camp. They had a buffet dinner in the upstairs area of the venue, it was private and well lit, with nice carpeted floors, as well as adequate seating and tables.

In terms of the arena itself there seems to be an ample amount of concessions, which seem to sell what you would expect out of a sports arena, popcorn, hotdogs, pop, small selection of common beer, and ice cream. However the concessions are not open at the time of my visit so I cannot comment on the prices, quality of food or speed of the lines. Although I can only assume they would also be average of a place like this.

The arena itself is well heated considering there is currently ice in it. With lots of comfy seating with adequate leg room. The seats all seem to offer a great viewing experience for hockey, offering you a great view of the ice allowing you to see all of the action. I could definitely see it being good for concerts or other sports as well.

The arena features a easy to view scoreboard with 360 degree viewing, which features everything you would expect from a sports scoreboard. It also has screens which I was not able to see since it was only a hockey camp and not an actual game or concert.

Overall I would say as far as decent size arenas go this is a good one, and if you have an event you plan to go to here you won’t be...