Pub on the Thames — Restaurant in London

I’m giving this place five stars for winning the prize for the worst atmosphere of anywhere I’ve ever been to in London. I say with no pride admitting that I’ve been arrested and put in a cell overnight on 4 occasions and held in a room for questioning for something else all day long. It was so bereft of any vibe at all that I remained in shock for a full hour after leaving. The two waiters were nice enough, but if I was to sum it up in terms of being rewarded for its success, this place is about 300 metres from the Houses of Parliament with an enormous footfall - and on a slightly rainy Sunday in a place that seats possibly 200 people including the large room at one end, there were 15 people having lunch in there. From the start the miserable security guard failed in his job in terms of safety, he should have told everyone that it was dangerously awful in there. It is/was close to Halloween and the skeletons were so old and tatty and had been put up with such neglect that they were growing pubic hair. In the view to the engine room someone was hanging by their neck from the rafters and I’m absolutely confident it was a diner rather than decorative - if there was room for two I would have joined them. Whilst having lunch the sound system was playing Coldplay who I believe would have bought the rights back to all of their music to prevent it from ever being played. They’d have quit music if they realised it was being used in a torture camp. On plasma screens as you ate inside the pub there were adverts for films coming up on Netflix (SO random). Orders were taken on iPads (obvs) and every single diner in there was on their phones, presumably signing up to Dignitas and booking direct flights for that afternoon. Woeful. Really truly woeful for somewhere that has SO much potential. The food was utterly disgusting. So much so that I consciously ordered the same starter a second time because I genuinely couldn’t believe how disgusting it was the first time, and needed to be absolutely sure. The highlight of the place was the hallway as you enter the restaurant where the loos are, the hallway wreaks so deeply of urine that it’s all you can smell for a while after walking through which thankfully covers over the food you then eat. God I wish it had tasted as good as I imagine urine might taste. 5 stars for topping the worst restaurant I’ve been to. It’s not the chefs fault I should add. This is a place for which is feels the owners don’t care one iota about it and it’s a miracle the staff are friendly. Sorry but it’s left me really fuming that tourists opinions of London would be shaped by that experience. In the questions below this form Google asks ‘What size group is this place best suited for?’ along with a selection of boxes to tick. It’s missing the option...

Came for a quick drink at this floating pub before boarding our City Cruise at Westminster Pier and really enjoyed it.

A pint of beer and Aperol Spritz cost £20 so not bad for London prices.

Service was pretty quick considering it was a busy Saturday evening and the security staff were friendly.

Atmosphere was really buzzing with lots of happy drinkers and a DJ playing some cracking tunes to get people up dancing.

There’s a cute little fish and chip booth to get food or a more extensive menu if you’re looking to dine. Prices looked to be very reasonable, again considering you’re in central London!

Bathrooms were clean and there’s lots of seating (walk to the back of the boat if it’s busy and you should be able to find a seat near the Pimms Bar).

There’s also a comedy venue on the boat so it’s well worth a visit if you’re in the area. We’d definitely return and would recommend to...

We visited the pub on the Thames after a brilliant trip to the London Eye — and enjoyed it so much, we went back the very next day! The value was incredible, especially compared to what we’re used to paying in Aberdeen. We ordered a bottle of Veuve Clicquot for £70 — that’s outstanding value considering the location. All the other drinks were superbly priced too.

We’d definitely return — it was a great atmosphere and a memorable experience.

One small point: the toilets were disappointing. We don’t want to be overly critical, and we understand it’s often the customers who cause the mess, not the staff. But something needs to be done to improve them — we’d happily pay £1 more per drink for clean, well-kept WCs to round off what would otherwise be a...