Texas Joe's Slow Smoked Meats — Restaurant in London

I used to think the whole business of birthday cards was bizarre. In Clinton’s I’d agonise, searching for a design uniquely personal enough to justify the £4.95 I’d be spending on a colourful bit of old tree out of pure custom. I’d realise too late the impossibility of trying to convey any real meaning and receive in response the usual generous half-chuckle, translation: “do you really need to watch me read this, and when can we get onto the actual presents?”

But that was before. Now I’ve seen the light, I sneer at such outdated cynicism, and it’s because I’ve experienced greetings card perfection. On the cover: I can’t remember - it doesn’t actually matter what was on the cover. On the inside: an offer for “margaritas and ribs on me”. Signed: lil sis. As I say, perfection.

So it came to be that Frank and I were sitting on the pavement of an uninspiring back-street trying to catch the last of the evening sunshine, facing south but into trees providing protection for a primary school, slightly chilly shade for us. A Boris bike docking station, a boarded-up block of flats and the melancholy light blue arse-end of a ‘middleware solutions’ company office-block were also within our line of sight. This wasn't important to Frank and me, who were there to eat a lot of meat and do a little bit of chatting, but because this kind of thing matters to some people: the leading photo on this review site, from the restaurant themselves, instead shows the sun-dappled gleaming white arse-end of a 60s American muscle car, cleverly taken or edited to evoke the vivacious sunny southern States rather than this drab and lifeless part of London.

Anyway. The menu was stunning. It was the kind that two meat-loving siblings could have perused in three separate realities and ended up with three completely different orders; the kind that induces a sort of mental tetris trying to fit everything complimentarily together: if we get the brisket there’s no point getting the brisket-loaded fries; if we get fries at all does that leave space for the mac & cheese, etc. That kind of thing. (It was also the kind that for non-meat-lovers there was very little to choose from; a solitary, mocking ‘vg’ describing a ramekin of sad-sounding homemade baked beans.)

The selection process - me in Clinton’s all over again - might have been the best part of the meal. Maybe a touch harsh; maybe the build-up to a meal out generally just is, like Christmas, often better than the main event, but the food was... good. Just good. The meat came out in great big unceremonious piles like third-hand clothing at a kilo sale, with a few colourless pickles and a barbecue and a red (not tomato-y like a ketchup or salsa but not spicy) sauce served in those paper sauce holders you used to get at McDonald’s when you were allowed to serve yourself out of the big squeezy tubs. There was no kind of seasoning at all on either beyond some pepper - a nice idea to let the smoke and the meat itself dictate proceedings, but it wasn’t quite of a good enough quality to do that. The first bites were awesome, the middle bites involved picking around the fattier and less appetising-looking bits, and the last bites weren’t exactly fought over, which says a lot. We had pork ribs and mutton shoulder; writing this now, admittedly over a month since our visit, it’s difficult to distinguish between the two.

Look, we had a good time: we had a few cocktails, the service was slightly cheeky which I like, and the mac & cheese was unbelievable, but ultimately I’m not sitting here now wishing I had a forkful of Joe’s stuffed in me gob, despite the whole Texas smoked meats shtick being right up our alley. In fact, maybe that’s it: if you’re looking for some decent, filling, reasonably-priced grub to satisfy the undiscerning carnivore in you, you could do much, much worse. But if you consider yourself a bit of an aficionado, this isn’t going to end your search for the ultimate cookout. If you’ve got a birthday coming up, expect an offer to be taken for margaritas and ribs on me. Just not at...

Visited on the 29th Jan 2025. A last min booking and the staff were kind enough to book my party of 5 in on a fairly busy evening.

We ordered a couple of margarita pitchers and a selection of sides to complement our 4 main orders of brisket & 1 steak. All the food was delicious with the brisket juicy, tender and well cooked.

However, the main order of brisket was served on one sharing platter and was sliced into 7 pieces, which made it hard to divide. When we questioned if we were missing a slice or if we could have an additional piece of brisket, we were told by the duty manager that the portions are served by weight, rather than piece and that no additional slice or resolve would be offered.

Whilst the weight portioning is acceptable it would have been nice for that to be explained prior to food delivery or resolved when questioning. Sadly after our portion questioning, the DM seemed to take a dislike to our party, ignoring our table and communicating to the other staff that we were difficult in front of other diners.

We ordered a piece of recommended apple pie with ice cream on top to share as a dessert, on tasting the pie it came out cold. When we asked if the pie could be a heated piece, it was sent back to the kitchen for a replacement, though what was returned was the same half eaten piece of pie warmed up with the melted ice cream on top. When we questioned this to the manger, he informed us that the restaurant does not serve ice cream, just cream and the dish was as advertised, and that he would take the pie back to the kitchen for a replacement and communicate the issue with the chefs removing the cost from our bill to make up for the issue. Whilst the item was removed from the bill, no replacement ever arrived despite asking several times.

This is a hard review, as the food was excellent and the waiting staff lovely. Just a singular duty manager’s attitude and lack of customer service ruined a heavily anticipated evening. After paying nearly £50ph, it was very uncomfortable to have the duty manager slam the door as you leave and visibly speak to other diners about you through the window as we walked away.

I would love to return to test and enjoy the food again, but wouldn’t feel welcome if this manager was working on my return.

My advice to the restaurant (this manger) would be; be honest about your portion sizes and perhaps communicate them in advance of delivery for larger parties. And try to take customer feedback considerably and de-escalate rather than escalate issues.

My advice to potential diners. Come and enjoy! The food is excellent! Though know that if you order multiple BBQ foods, it will be served on the same platter together, and you may have to portion it out yourselves with portions/slices potentially not matching your party size. Also know that some (1) managers may not accept (or work against) customer feedback.

Overall. A+ for food, it is clear that Joe and his core team provide great food, atmosphere and service. This is more an example of a singular person and how they can discount and delete the hard work that has been put into this restaurants food and ethos. The low score is here to highlight the unprofessionalism and lack of customer care from this...

I was looking around London for some some American style meat, saw the reviews and thought this would be a nice place to take some friends and have a great night. On arrival we saw the places is very claustrophobic wouldn't say shoulder to shoulder but when you pull a chair out your gonna have to slide into your seat, the atmosphere was nice kind of what you'd expect from an American style diner we ordered the brisket, tri tip steak, chilli mac and bone marrow. we ordered drinks first a coconut margarita and the spicy margarita my partner never received her drink we ordered two for the table only one came which was very nice, the spicy margarita was very bitter my friend ordered the Lynchburg lemonade and somehow was worse , I understand when you go to London you expect to pay more for food but regrettably paying £20 for brisket I personally expect more than two slivers of meat, my partner ordered the tri tip and was a little anxious to try it as it seemed a little rare in the middle, I thought its slow roasted so it should still be okay to eat she used the steak knife provided but still struggled to cut her steak, I found the brisket to be a little dry but it came with sauce on the side so not the end of the world however my friend also ordered the brisket and he found it to be very salty. The sides where the main event for us the chilli mac was the nicest thing I had at the restaurant and my partner enjoyed the bone marrow, the server eventually came to the table and asked how was the food, I being the individual who recommended this place got a lot of backlash from my friends about the meal so I explained to waitress that we really wasn't enjoying the food, I think it was to loud for her to hear me as she responded that's great I'm glad your enjoying it. my partner immediately said no we're not she explained her issues with her food and was told no its cooked medium rare, but she could ask the chef to cook it a little longer for her or swap out the meal so she choose to have the brisket and long story short I had to finish it. at this point we all wanted to leave to we asked if we could have the bill to leave which took about 20 minuets to arrive we did contemplate about just leaving but we still had pitchers filled with there vile cocktails so we in turned tried knocking back what was left while we waited we inspected the bill to insure we paid for what we received and begrudgingly paid for it. For 5 people to £250 and still got to a KFC and Weatherspoon after I cant recommend this place at all, you are far better off leaning how to slow cook food at home, I personally still feel terrible for bringing my friends here, for that kind of price you are far better off going somewhere...