MACHETE — Restaurant in Greensboro

*Too many negatives. I will begin with the idea that one, small, votive candle placed in the middle of a table in a very dimly lit restaurant where one is expected to bring out one's smart phone (like we don't already live on these devices enough) was off-putting, Luckily i hand studied the menu thoroughly ahead of time, The rest of my party struggled along and did manage to find what they desired and I offered my ideas as well. We were not offered physical , traditional menus and i did not ask for one hoping that this idea would not set a poor tone for the evening, I fear it was not to be avoided, BUT again this is MY OPINION and my experience. Only, as One member of my party is German.Dutch and revels in eating many foods i do not find appealing, He seemed to enjoy quite a lot..And after all this menu was the "WINTER MENU" some of us may have tastes that cater to what one imagine is their spring , summer or fall menu, This is pure speculation, as again, this was our/ my maiden meet. Which brings me to the beef tartare. I have had steak tartar ..NUMEROUS TIMES eg. white and Wood does it so well I could have cried. but the idea of beef tartare , both spelling and photos made me believe this may be a different dish ..as indeed it was. The soy sauce does give this gelatinous, gray, fat ball an initial positive impression on the palate, but once that soy sauce is gone there remains the truth of a fat ball that is cloying and nothing that resembles GOOD BEEF. But we ordered 2 as my German .Dutch friend was very happy, The Charcuterie assortment was very pleasant although the aged Gouda seemed more akin to some hardened, gold cheese left in the fridge too long, So hard it was difficult to pry apart and share. Our party ordered from our favorites, not the menu: Vespers and Manhattans. *Was told that their Manhattan has a smoke element and we were offered no alternative so one of the party chose a Vesper instead as a Traditional Manhattan is his favorite drink, I did compare the non-traditional Martini glass The Vesper arrived in ..which was maybe a small cordial glass? WHY? ..and again Undercurrent makes an outstanding Vesper ..which meets all expectations..Machetes was not strong enough to give one the elevated feeling one expects. The Steak was the best we had..But did not arrive with a warmth in temperature desires. The meatballs, could have been great, BUT again Not Hot, so I cancelled the 2nd order. WAS Sooo looking forward to the Pork Belly and again German/ Dutch friend was YES, BUT It was Not Hot. Food temperature seemed to an issue throughout *aside form the (Tartre). The Pinot Noir was Fab, And we moved onto desserts with coffee. Vanilla ice cream Yum and The Bread desert Yum BUT THE COFFEE did not arrive with the dessert... SO WE WAITED,, Was told a fresh pot was BREWING ?!!!! what??? we waited for the delicious ice cream and the desert bread to be eaten with our coffees, does one not wait and deliver the coffee with the dessert?? I SO WISH THAT WE HAD SPENT CLOSE TO 400 dollars at White and Wood or Undercurrents!!!!!!!!!!!!! Below is Robert attempting to catch the menu scan on a smart phone, in the dark, P.S. FISHBONES see ya for a...

I had high expectations for this restaurant based on all the other reviews, the accolades, the overall review score, but this was a complete miss for me.

I will add one star right off the bat for the staff. They were extremely courteous and knowledgeable. We were seated ahead of time for our reservation, no issues there.

Add one star for overall atmosphere. This is a very nicely appointed and styled restaurant. The general vibe is calm and inviting. The location on the edge of downtown is easily reachable, though depending on the time of your visit, parking may be an issue.

Here is my main and extreme issue with this establishment. The menu descriptions of their dishes are downright criminal. We ordered three dishes which I will detail below.

Dish 1: blue crab : yuzu calamansi . sesame . cucumber This is the exact menu line from their website. What it fails to mention is that the second most important ingredient in this dish is a ton of onions. I am constantly baffled by modern restaurants that absolutely refuse to describe their dishes properly. This is half crab, half onion. Even if you love onions the menu gives you no indication about what you are about to receive.

Dish 2: duck wings : honey bbq Pretty straight forward yes? Again the menu does not indicate a crucial element of this dish. These wings are very spicy. Do I mind spicy? I do not. However, other members of my party could not tolerate the spice level. I am an NC native, I understand BBQ, but if you are going to spice up your recipe, maybe mention it. Just a thought.

Dish 3: kurobuta pork collar : potato . manchego . seared foie Pork, potato, cheese, foie gras. Okay that was the expectation. Was a heavy mushroom sauce covering the entire dish described in the menu? I think we all know the answer at this point.

Summary: I know that many who read this review will blame me for the general stance that if I have a problem with certain ingredients or the possible composition of a dish that I should query the server on these points. I counter that, all restaurants should properly represent the dishes they are about to serve when describing them on the menu. In a top-tier establishment I should not have to metaphorically grill my sever on every single aspect on the preparation or the ingredient list.

There is no reason why these points should be obfuscated in food preparation. Restaurants do not pay by the character to create a menu PDF. Explain your dishes properly. Onion is not a garnish. Spicy is not an afterthought. Sauce on a dish is pretty important.

Will not...

I am a long time service industry professional. I understand the value of an excellent dining experience and I have physically experienced all that it takes for the front and especially back of house to put out a menu like this. This review is not to knock down a local business, but to give some honest feedback.

The service and atmosphere are good and comfortable. Your Internet presence is beautifully curated. Your food looks like something I’d love to eat. And it comes out at a well coursed pace — something that most restaurants cannot manage. I really appreciate that.

Unfortunately, the food is just lacking. We have been two times with two different menus. Above all our feedback is “Please!? Value EXECUTION over the look of a dish.”” Whether it has been over salted, not salted at all or just dry, it seems that no chef is tasting what comes out of the kitchen. The Halibut we had to saw through because it was so dry. The Foie & pork collar dish was not even salted. Why serve salmon roe on a salmon crudo just to make it all that fishier with a small and inadequate amount of citrus to balance? The batter on the fried oyster mushroom was great, as was the sauce (SO good!!) — but we kept finding hard and chewy bits of stalk from a carelessly cut shroom! On a previous experience the smoked mussels looked gorgeous, but went down like an oil slick with no flavor. The deconstructed shrimp and grits interpretation was meager and each element was disappointing — although not nearly as disappointing as the full bite. The duck wings and rub were a HUGE stand out, but I am not coming to your restaurant for excellent fried food. My local pub does it just fine.

In addition, I am happy to pay for good food and a good experience, but your servers present the set up of your restaurant as a collection of dishes to share with a couple of friends. The burrata is the size of an eyeball and maybe could be shared by two. Not three or four. The actual oz. portion to the meat and what y’all are charging is just poor business. Especially given the flavor and/or overdone quality of the meat.

Please just start tasting things, y’all. I know you are booked and busy, but that won’t last if the product is not as fabulous...