Olympia Provisions — Restaurant in Portland

If Google provided the opportunity to write a more excoriating review, I would avail myself to it on this rare occasion. By the time our very prolonged evening at Olympia Provisions finally ended I had multiple members of my party in their 70s and 80s commenting that they were physically cold, especially their feet and could not wait to leave vice hearing the dessert options. Heaven knows we had been imprisoned long enough in Olympia Provisions gulag. Granted we were seated in the, “entryway seating” but from context clues you would think that the extremely inattentive staff would noticed that everybody in our seating area had their jackets on and maybe...I don't know...intervened for the purposes of hospitality (i.e., the restaurant industry), out of sheer humanity or the simple civic responsibility we all share to care for the elders in our community. If you can’t make a seating area a satisfactory environment maybe don’t seat people there. That’s some professional restaurant consulting I’ll offer for free. When tje food finally did arrive, it came out very slowly and piecemeal with about 25 total minutes from the first entrée arriving to the last, and both individuals that ordered pork chops indicated that their meals were inconceivably cold. Toward the end of the evening I asked for a to-go box as my entree came-out dead last after 4 people had finished but did Sloane bother to remember the to go box...oh hell no...why would she have? If she had brought a box it would have been the final piece allowing us to depart our forced internment. Worse still, this place was chalked-full of and catering to a veritable cornucopia of listless, androgynous, feckless humans with no obvious benefit or contribution to society and was a disappointment in every conceivable measure of hospitality. Granted, Olympia Provisions didn’t ruin Christmas but they certainly tried. Well done!

The best part of this review? I'm just some GenX knucklehead writing this which is great because by definition it means it doesn't matter what I think. This review is meaningless. Unlike the staff of this restaurant or the patrons, I’m not precious or special. I'm just some Rando on the innernette slinging letters. However, I'm also a S.N.O.B, a veteran and a public servant I was born and raised in Portland. I served my country spending 9 years in the Pacific and 1 year in the Indian Ocean, in part, to preserve our way of life and freedoms of these anti-establishment, identity-centric, “hospitable” employees. I now work in Public Health serving truly worthy people because serving the privileged is mundane and counter to the word, “service.” I do my part for King and Country at my own personal expense and I occasionally return home for recuperation and financially support my beloved hometown. You're welcome for my service by the way although no thanks are necessary…however decent, respectful and mildly attentive service would be appreciated as a “hospitable” gesture whilst dining out. You see, I flew home this time to spend time with my ageing parents (also S.N.O.B.s) who have been in the same house since 1973, and enjoy our shared hometown. They were both public servants for their entire careers too. Nobody needs to thank them either. They crushed-it and they know it. Regardless of our backgrounds, to treat humans in this capacity is unconscionable. To be treated in the manner we were treated, which at best could be defined as subhuman is revolting.

Olympia Provisions…be better. Serve hot food. Care for the elders in the community. Be attentive if you are providing unsafe conditions. Be kind to veterans and public servants who have dutifully served and continue to serve and just want to enjoy an evening in their hometown supporting local businesses. Be inclusive to everybody, not just people like you. Don’t be what you are, which at the moment, is horribly awful by...

Edit: they made my order right. Great customer service.

This review is about their online store and products. NOT THEIR RESTAURANT.

So I should have written this review a month or so ago but life got in the way. It wasn't until a friend of mine asked me yesterday what I thought that it reminded me I hadn't written one yet.

So the order was from May. A friend ordered a big package for me and my wife are looking a sympathy gift. It had a few small packages of snack sausages, a bouquet of about 6 cured sausages of French, Spanish, and Italian recipes, a big summer sausage, and a block of white cheddar.

The problem that we had was the shipping. It was shipped overnight/next day but when it arrived it was hot as could be. I mean so hot that the cheese was a round smooched disk instead of a block. I immediately called Olympia and told them. To their credit, the girl on the phone was nice but assured us that everything would be ok to eat. So we decided to try.

The cheese you could tell was good quality. There was not a huge oil mess indicating that even melted it was not a cheap and mass produced cheese. Problem is even when placed back in the fridge to harden, it tasted like melted cheese. It had lost all the subtle flavor that I am sure it had before.

The little packages of the small sausage actually tasted good abd lasted. They were sealed so they didn't take on any flavors.

The summer sausage was ok too... It tasted like summer sausage. Nothing to write home about but still good.

The bug problem (besides the cheese) was the bouquet of salami. Now, let me preface this by saying that I grew up on a French island. I am use to salami covered in natural casings and mold. That was not the problem. The problem was that in one the fat had melted. When it rehardened it left hollow spaces in the salami. Not that big of an issue but still there. Another the fat had turned yellow and tasted really ripe and just off. Another had been taken over with black mold instead of white and was a bit sour to the taste so it got thrown out. Another seemed ok and had a good flavor. The 6th the wife took to work so I didn't try it. All in all, I am sure the heat was to blame for most of the problems here.

So I am torn between 2 and 3 stars here. I mean, I can appreciate the quality that I am sure exists here. I am sure that if it wasn't for the poor packaging and the fact it was sent to Georgia at the start of the summer it would have been great. I am not sure how much this package was but I am sure it was pretty expensive. As such, I gotta go with 2 stars just because I think something this quality and cost deserves to be package to make it across country. Maybe I'll give them another shot but this time in...

As a culture we all like bacon, but what people don't realize is for hundreds of years and dozens of generations there has been a whole art and branch of cooking devoted to meats in which bacon is also classified. Charcuterie. Yes the French have a word for it.

You must visit to Oregon's 1st USDA certified meat curing facility. They do a dozen salami's, Spanish, French styles and a few cooked/smoked as well. The sausages are a much easier way to get into their menu because not everyone feels comfortable jumping into the cured game right away. I find their sausages to be excellent, but not totally unique in flavors, but they are made from traditional recipes. They use excellent quality ingredients.

I could not decide between the Spanish and Italian Board because I love capicola and I also love lomo. The whole hog board solves that with both. I am not so versed in cheese as I am with meats so I tend to go with the more common styles like Bucheron and Comte. Since I'm from San Diego and I've only been to Portland twice I decided to try something local something new. I went with Midnight Moon and Mt. Tam. The Midnight moon was thicker than expected. Still creamy, but slightly nutty and sweet. Mt Tam was rich and with what I thought to be am umami flavor, but later found out it was mushroom.

For meal I split the steamed mussels and roast turkey. The mussels were fresh, but to me could have used more chilies, to me still more of an appetizer style food. The turkey sandwich was excellent. They take just as much effort into roasting their turkey (knowing them probably locally organic) as they do their beef and pork. The pimento cream cheese gave just enough heat that worked well with the ciabata bread.

I was super excited to try the fried almonds because they seemed interesting, but it was to be bland. I was however surprised by the pickled vegetables. Usually people think pickled anything is a side dish, palate cleanser, but you give me a heaping plate and I'm going to town.

Ambiance is cool, rustic yet modern. Service is good, it's nice to talk to a staff that loves meats and cheese and don't look at me funny or just say no when I ask for culatello. They politely said they can't recreate it due to the regional specialty of the air, moisture and mold content in the area. What's great is the availability with a 2nd location and local distribution. I inquired about online ordering which they do, but as with all bulk meats it's expensive because you're not buying a sampler like you do at restaurants. This place gives Boccalone in SF a run for best in the West. I wasn't in town long enough to try the dinner or brunch menu as Portland has too much to offer...