Elixir Bar & Grill — Restaurant in Sacramento

(Edit: Soon after the writing of this review, in what can only be described as an act of culinary terrorism, Elixir Bar and Grill changed their chicken wing recipe. These new wings are offensive on their own merits and when one tries to compare them with the uniquely perfect wings that they replaced one is left sad and hurt and empty.)

Dearest Reader,

Please believe me when I say this; I'm not normally a dramatic man. Never before in my life have I felt inspired to write a review for anything and I’m pretty sure that approximately one hundred percent of people who do regularly write reviews are narcissists and sociopaths and also probably serial killers.

But here we are.

I should tell you that I have spent my life treating all food-stuffs with the indifference and aggravation of someone who lacks the proper number of taste buds. You likely will not be surprised to find that this was quite hard on me growing up. The other kids at school would tease me and call me clever names like, “No Taste Tay” and “Palate-less Pope” all while cruelly throwing decadent desserts at me which they knew I could neither fully appreciate nor enjoy.

Upon reaching manhood and in a pure and desperate desire to be normal, I set out upon a quest to find a food, any food, that could elicit some sort of positive reaction and cure me of my brokenness. I travelled from country to country, eating every single manner of street food, dining at the most lauded of Michelin rated restaurants, and even once debased myself by entering a county fair; all to no avail. It seemed certain that I, on a very basic and fundamental food-based level, was destined to walk this life without ever understanding what it was like to be human. I had truly lost all hope.

However, it was here, dear reader, here in this my very darkest of hours and just as my head slipped beneath the surface of resigned tastelessness, that I looked up and saw a single solitary light. A light which beckoned me to come out of the cold waters and bask in its spicy warmth and flavorful glow. A light which lacked judgement and pretense and drama and pain and bigotry and anxiety and overly complicated sauces. A light which, by all accounts, should not even exist but doesn’t much care and continues to exist anyways. A light which has succeeded in making me finally complete.

A light which is actually a pretty good metaphor for Elixir Bar and Grill’s salt and pepper...

Margaritas were… bad. $19 for 2 of them and got little to no buzz. Tasted like tequila with sprite/mtn dew, not a margarita. Also, the bartender dude on Thu Jan 8th closed up at 2am but stayed behind with two of his friends a white dude (in the “Humble Sea” hoodie in my pic) and a black woman. I was skating all night nearby and heard the white dude come out at about 3:30-4am and he walked and fell face first off a raised concrete platform then got up and pissed on a nearby fence, then proceeded to get into his car and drive away. Not sure why the bartender served that dude so much and let him leave with his keys. Also never saw the black lady come out of the bar and he was serving her tequila shots up til 2am. Other than that the vibe was chill, nice no frills spot, the large anime devil woman was a little offputting but hey the worlds a...

Horrible new year's party. We went as a group to find overpriced drinks, condescending bouncers and the owner bartending with a nasty attitude.

We played a song on the jukebox and she skipped it while we were dancing. She then lied to our faces about not doing that.

One of our friends had a little too much to drink so she had the bouncer kick out everyone but her then manipulated her into buying another drink for $15 before kicking her out. Our friend told us the bartending said she was a horrible person that her face while doing that.

If you like dive bars with overweight somoan women who hate everyone, including themselves and overpriced drinks ($7 for a shot of Stoli? Please) this is your place. Otherwise avoid at all costs. The owner has a nasty attitude and the bouncer has a dumb...