Ocean Five Condo — Hotel in Miami Beach

I absolutely loved the meatballs in this joint, 14 / 88 from me. The owner was a lovely chap, me and him had some lovely conversations about the state of the world. If you want the drugs that the other customers are talking about in the reviews, the owner will help you out, he can provide pretty much any drug you can think of - provided you're white of course (There's also a black person the owner's got imported from Africa that will let you beat him up until he's unconscious for $50)! I have never been this spoiled at a hotel before, and I am definitely going to head back next time...

Owner was very pure hearted with a great and amusing mindset. Gave him a tip for the racist jokes with each meal he served and he used my tip money to buy me fent! Gotta love the service. Also toilets were skibity, and the meatballs were great. I felt no need to lock my rental car outside or even lock my own door! And not a scent of watermelon or chicken whatsoever in the hallways! Beautiful. Rate 11/10 keep up the great...

Goated, maybe even with the sauce as the hotels least favorite kind of people may say. What this place offers: • Great service.* • Wonderful meatballs. • Clean rooms. • A sounds night rest after enjoying the beach.

What they DON’T offer: • No late night hooting and hollering in the halls. •No Hellcats in the parking lot or loud Dodges making ruckus all night. • No shucking and jiving or loud hip hop all hours of the...