Faina European Day Spa-Couples Massage in NYC — Local services in New York

If you're looking for a classy spa, where you can slip into a relaxing mood wearing nice robes and drinking tea before getting a treatment and then have a wonderful treatment--this isn't it. The spa is in an apartment building, in what looks like your friend's apartment on East End Ave. The waiting room has a futon where you will sit for 10 minutes doing nothing (because they asked you to come 10 minutes early, probably so you could enjoy the futon).

Then they will bring you into the bedroom--I mean massage room for your treatment (if you're having a massage). They ask you to take off your clothes, and you can either hang them on the back of the door or you can put them on the radiator (which probably doesn't work because it was pretty cold in there).

Then the massage begins. At least you might think it is a massage. What it turns out to be is a woman rubbing cold lotion on your body for an hour. After 15 minutes of sticking my face in the hole (which had a cover on it, like the one you put on a toilet seat in a public restroom), I asked the lady to please apply more pressure. Nothing, nada, zip. Just more and more cold lotion. At one point when she was massaging my hand, she just wafted it in the air for a while. I mean seriously.

At the end of the massage, she did something rather strange to my neck and it started to twinge a bit. I thought I was going to pinch a nerve in my neck. My wife had a very similar experience (it was a couples massage).

Oh, and don't be fooled by the Champagne and Chocolate--they sit you down on tiny chairs at the end of a hallway, move a wall divider to enclose you off, and serve you some nasty warm flat sparkling crap and give you a piece of chocolate each).

All this for only $230.

I explained it to the very unsympathetic receptionist who explained to me that they are a small spa but the masseuses are the best in the city. She said they have nothing but positive reviews (which, I would venture to guess, are written by her). She also explained that they do not know how to serve champagne (it is very hard to figure out that it should be served cold).

Do yourself a favor, book your massage elsewhere and save yourself the...

Shorter version at the end but want to be detailed and fair.

I booked a couples massage for my friend's birthday, while another friend booked a single massage. The day before our appointment, the spa called my friend asking her to switch to a facial, which she declined. When we arrived, I believe I ended up with someone who only knew how to give facials because the massage felt unprofessional, as if the person had no training. I’ve had massages at all price points, from affordable to luxurious, and this was by far the worst.

Despite my disappointment i felt bad and, I still left a $10 tip, though not the usual 20%. The massage therapist, Tumea (forgive me if I misspelled), opened the envelope in front of my friends and rudely said I should have tipped 20-25%, even after I explained that I wasn’t satisfied with the service. She rolled her eyes, got upset, and dismissed my feedback, saying, “That’s exactly what a deep tissue massage is,” then took back the chocolates she had offered. Her behavior was unprofessional and embarrassing.

I would never return to or recommend this spa. The only reason I’m giving two stars is because the two other therapists seemed skilled, and my friends enjoyed their massages. However, the "couples massage" was falsely advertised—there were no candles or flowers, just soft music played from a phone.

TLDR: I booked a couples massage for my friend's birthday, while another friend booked a single. The day before, the spa called asking her to switch to a facial, which she declined. My massage felt unprofessional, like the therapist, Tumea, had no training. I’ve had all types of massages, and this was the worst by far. Despite being dissatisfied, I left a $10 tip. Tumea opened the envelope in front of my friends and said I should’ve tipped 20-25%, even after I explained I wasn’t happy with the service. She rolled her eyes, got upset, and dismissed my feedback. The massage was also falsely advertised—no candles or flowers, just music from her phone. I wouldn’t return or recommend this spa. Two stars because my friends' therapists seemed...

Spa Week can be a blessing or a curse. For us regular spa guys/gals, we know where to spot a good deal, and it encourages you to try new places. The down side is that the spa week program doesn't exactly screen for quality and this is a perfect example of how a bad spa experience can ruin it for people who don't know what a good one is. With spa week 2012 fast upon us, I hope this will warn anyone who doesn't know better away from this place.

Besides being the worst massage ever, and that they had me go to a man (when I invariably request a woman), my experience booking and arriving should explain why this place should be avoided at all costs -- even spa week costs.

First, the "spa" is impossible to find, the address and the directions confusing. You have to find your way up to the fourth floor of an office building, where there are nearly no signs or directions. Plus, a super swank spa is right near this address. I can only imagine they steal a good deal of business from some lucky patrons.

Finally making it in with a minute to spare, I'm ignored by the receptionist and the manager/owner, who are yelling at customers (they took a few phone calls) and complaining between each other and in front of me ABOUT the customers. The few times I went up to ask when I could get changed, I received an eye roll and a dismissive hand wave. Eventually I was told there are no changing rooms, so I could put my things in the closet by the door. I was then lead about 20 minutes late into the "room" to get undressed.

The massage "room" was a parallelogram consisting of accordion room dividers with ZERO sound insulation and a draft.

Although my un-requested male masseuse was sweet and kept asking me if the pressure was ok (sweet but annoying, you could tell he was a student or at least not a pro), he used crappy quality oils that made me wish they had a shower for me to wash them off with ASAP rather than having to rub my skin raw to get the cheap, sticky sweet smell off of my body.

I obviously won't go back ever, and...