Oriole — Restaurant in London

Listen, I've seen a Golden Oriel. It's a big deal. A bit of a twitcher prized catch. Something of a rarity, It kind of passed me by when it passed me by on the banks of the Ouze. We happened upon a group of mad twitchers later, hell bent on spotting the thing. When I told them nonchalantly I had seen it, I felt I was going to be stabbed in each eye by sharp pencils. These people were scary. This Oriel is also a rare thing. A restaurant that's also a cocktail bar that's also a Jazz cafe. I'm not sure what the hierarchical order of things are and I also think that's why I like it. It's not the best on any of these but it also works very nicely thank you on them all. The place itself is nestled in one of these spanking new 'courts' that have appeared all over Soho. Ham Court, Court, Kingsley Court, Rathbone Square (a court masquerading as a square). Gleaming evidence of bundles of cash lying around somewhere nowadays. Yes a bit of character has been ironed out and there are fewer places to go for a piss after dark. But there is something seductive about this court. Peace and quiet a few yards away from the madness of Long Acre and Maiden Lane. Nice tiles, swish shops. Sacharine as a nut, thank you very much. The upstairs is OK inasmuch as there's a bar selling cocktails and everything is new. But it's downstairs where the action is. There's a bouncer type up top making sure the riff raff aren't wandering down there. The first hint of the 'speakeasy' vibe they have successfully captured. A charming carved wooden monkey greets us on the staircase down, a sign of the eclecticism to come. Ever so smart parquet flooring and walls covered with silky looking printed materials depicting exotic foliage. It's dark, the ceilings are as low as the lighting. A posh speakeasy. Sophistication and silliness in equal measure. We are guided past a small stage to our table where we immediately order cocktails from the extensive menu. The cocktails are great fun to look at. One has a fluffy white cloud floating above it. Another has a parmesan tuile for an umbrella. Ice cubes won't do. Ice balls it is. Big clear perfect spheres of the cold stuff. Worth the fuss of making them I'm sure. The cocktails all taste extraordinarily alcoholic and in truth a little bit challenging, but that's part of the fun/sophistication thing. We wince as we take sips of each others. A reminder that alcohol is poison, no matter how you dress it up. The food menu is short. Sharing plates that sound elegant and are tidily presented. Polenta with egg yolk and mushroom is rich and silky. Ceviche is clean and fresh. Leeks with some sort of cheese sauce finished with a black powder looks startling and taste good. Pork with chimichurri does the job. Flat iron steak is a little too chewy. Dipping sauce has depth as do the smoked new potatoes. The kitchen may be a little too ambitious but they are showing out like everyone in here and the ambition is welcome. The band appear. Jazzy and a little rough round the edges but two lethal cocktails in, they could wheel in S Club Seven and it would go down a treat. They do wonders for the conviviality levels anyway. As the volume goes up, more cocktails are ordered. We'd be bouncing off the screen printed walls but we're keeping ourselves nice because Oriel is a bit smoother than that. Cocktails, Jazz, sharing plates is a combination that could disappear up its own arse. But with the help of warm relaxed service and stylish kook, Oriel keep it firmly on the fun side. Watch out twitchers. I've got a Big Book in the...

Wow, what a disappointment! This place had been on my to-visit list for a long time but I'm definitely not going back.

I booked 2 days in advance, saying it was for a date, and when I arrived they put us on a tiny uncomfortable table outside of the main section, where my back was touching the person behind me. To be fair, I asked if we could move and they relocated us after half an hour. It was hard understanding either of the waitresses who served us, who were Italian and French, although luckily between my date and I we speak both languages (the Italian lady was easier to understand in her native tongue).

We ordered non-alcoholic cocktails to start - my date asked for something made with coffee and I asked for "anything, so long as it's not sweet". My date's cocktail just tasted like a long coffee, and mine was disgustingly sugary. We'd made exactly the same request at Nine Lives cocktail bar in London Bridge 2 weeks before and were given much better cocktails (from a visiting bartender, no less - hi Johnny!). TT Liquor in Shoreditch and K Bar in Kensington also improvised much better non-alcoholic cocktails recently. I asked the waitress to take mine away, given that I wasn't going to drink it, and was still charged for it, even though it was the exact opposite of what I ordered.

We then ordered 5 food dishes, which were fine but somewhat bland, and expensive given how small they were (think small tapas). Meanwhile the music started, which was undercharged copies of 1920's songs. If you're going to play covers put your own spin on them, or at least play them with more energy than the recordings! I knew the originals (e.g. "Flat Foot Floogie") and used to be a professional jazz musician myself, so found this really hard to listen to. I should have read the warning sign when I noticed that half the musicians were wearing berets.

I was about to order an alcoholic cocktail to give the bar a chance, but then noticed that all of the pictures in the menu were pixellated because they were reproduced at the wrong resolution - they can't even design a menu properly! Instead my date and I left 90 mins before the end of our booking slot. The bill came to £65 for 2 terrible non-alcoholic cocktails and some snacks. I was planning a visit to the bar's sister venue, Nightjar, but have saved myself a trip!

The whole place was like a Disney version of what a good cocktail bar should be - every element was slightly off. (To give them credit, everyone was perfectly friendly. I just don't think they knew what they were doing.) I feel sorry for people who think this place is the bees' knees as they obviously don't know what else is out there:

If you want great novelty cocktails go to The Gibson, nearby.

If you want cocktails and live jazz go to Kansas Smitty's.

If you want great cocktails with great décor go to The Glade bar in Sketch or the Back Lounge at Callooh Callay.

If you want more atmosphere and less pretension go to TT Liquor in Shoreditch - it's a converted Victorian prison with a restored 1920's cinema at the back.

All of these - and a bunch of others - are way better...

We booked this as we went to Oriele in Farringdon a couple years back and loved it. When I booked I couldn’t find the Farringdon one online.

The staff were attentive and resolved or upset by taking the cocktails off our bill without us needing to ask.

The food was nice; we had the chickpea fried and the bread with cured meat.

The decor is nice enough but the setting is really strange. It’s not like a usual cosy cocktail vibe. It’s a strange complex in central London and it almost feels a bit “officey”. There wasn’t live music when we were there at 10pm - I assume it’s much earlier.

We asked if they could do us mezcal margaritas, which they did. What we received was (to me) undrinkable and awful. I could taste a peach flavour, I had three sips to try figure it out and had to stop because it tasted like it had gone bad. When I asked they said they don’t use Cointreau (fair enough most top quality cocktails don’t) but instead they use a fermented peach liqueur. Why they hadn’t told us this to begin with we don’t know. Basically they don’t do classics, only their own takes on them. After how awful our cocktail was, I felt too nervous to order any others as they all had odd combinations. My husband and I have travelled extensively, we always visit interesting and experimental cocktail bars, we have tried so many different and interesting combinations most recommended by the staff and also often classics (because we love margaritas), and we have never not once had a cocktail that was undrinkable or tasted like it had done bad. Something is not right here. It was upsetting because we’d had such a lovely night and we’d booked this as our ending off.

Overall an extremely disappointing experience. Whilst I am happy they took the cocktails off the bill without asking, we wouldn’t have chosen to eat there. I would have preferred not to have paid anything and not to have...