The Alchemists' Garden — Restaurant in Paso Robles

When a restaurant tries so hard to be something it's not, it forgets how to actually serve people. It’s been over a month since we dined at Alchemists’ Garden, and we still find ourselves talking about what an absolutely ridiculous experience it was. Not because it was memorable in a good way—but because the whole evening felt like a parody of what a dining experience shouldn’t be.

We were in town for a wedding and decided to give this place a try. Here’s how that went:

We were let in by a staff member who literally lifted a rope to allow us through, as if we were entering some elite nightclub. Spoiler: this place does not live up to that kind of attitude.

Once inside, the hostess instructed us to stand on a specific spot on the floor—like we were part of a museum exhibit. She then made a point of explaining where the bathroom and exit were, as if we couldn't possibly figure that out on our own. Thanks, but I think I know how doors work.

We tried to start with an appetizer and some cocktails, but our waitress told us we had to order everything at once. No flexibility. No discussion. Just a hard “no” to a perfectly normal dining request. One of us asked for some bread because we were hungry. Luckily, that was allowed—how generous.

The food? Mediocre at best. I'm not being dramatic. Some seafood dishes were bland, others just forgettable. For a place that carries itself like it's reinventing the culinary wheel, the food was painfully average.

When the check came, we placed two credit cards down and asked to split the bill. That apparently triggered DEFCON 1. The waitress told us they don’t do that. Really? In 2025? We pushed back, and only then did she offer to get the manager. The manager came over and—you won’t believe this—explained they couldn’t itemize the bill but could split the total evenly between two cards… WHICH IS WHAT WE ASKED FOR TO BEGIN WITH. Are you kidding me?

And just to drive the madness home, we brought up the inflexible ordering policy. The manager gave us a lecture about “kitchen timing” as though we were too dense to understand how restaurants work. Newsflash: people go out to enjoy themselves. We’re not entering a boot camp, we’re here for a meal.

So here’s my advice to the owners and management: Stop pretending to be something you're not. The theatrics are exhausting. We go out to enjoy good food, good company, and a relaxing time—not to be bossed around, micromanaged, and treated like I should be grateful to be allowed through your velvet rope.

The customer experience here was a joke. I want to order my appetizer, sip a drink, chat with my friends, and then decide on a main course. That’s not too much to ask. And yes—splitting a bill in 2025 should be as basic as offering water.

This place needs a serious...

This place is good but we noticed some things that could really be improved on. Overall, it seems like they are trying too hard with a concept, and struggling to execute on it. We approached the restaurant to find the host sitting outside in 30 degree weather, bundled up and admitting to us she was freezing. We noticed they eventually let her inside, but in the moment we felt pretty bad for her. They had this velvet rope setup outside which seemed unnecessary given we were seated right away. We understand that’s because they usually have a much longer wait, but as newcomers it felt weird, especially with the cold weather. The host offered us a bar table and said that we could sit at the bar while they “got the table ready”, but we were never moved from the bar to that table, even after it seemed set. We didn’t know who to order from, which in our case mattered because we have dietary restrictions we wanted to ask about. Speaking of dietary restrictions, they have items marked gluten free on the menu that share a fryer with gluten items, so these are not safe if you have celiac, like me. I had chosen my meal, only to find out upon asking further questions that it would not be safe for me to eat. My partner does not eat meat, and there is some discrepancy between the menu showed online and what we got in print, vis-a-vis what is vegetarian. We asked the bartenders what the V on the print menu meant, considering there were items that seemed vegetarian but did not have the V, and we got conflicting answers from both on whether it meant “vegan” or “vegetarian”. One bartender couldn’t remember the difference between those two terms. The cocktails were good! I had two of the seasonal cocktails, and I liked the hot toddy but not the butterbeer as much. My partner had the hot buttered rum and the old fashioned, and enjoyed both a lot. I had the skirt steak and my partner had the bucatini, and we split the deviled eggs. The eggs were tasty, though overcooked and chewy. The skirt steak was good, but the sweet potato mash under seemed like an odd flavor pairing. That said, I did eat all of it and enjoyed it. My partner thought the pasta was cooked very well, but some of the mushrooms were undercooked. In summary, this place has a lot of potential, and we will be coming back next time we pass through Paso. We hope to see some improvements then. It has all the ingredients of a truly great restaurant, but they haven’t quite come...

Stand on the corner outside. Catty corner to alchemist’s garden is the Side Street Ale House. It’s like dueling generations. All the bullies from gen x (that place is bro-ee af) are at Side Street and everyone even mildly interested in food and drink while tired of nirvana and Lincoln Park (people have told me that horrible sound is Lincoln Park) crosses the street.

Anyway, Alchemist’s Garden would be great, if it would just not take itself so seriously. A rope guys? Seriously? It’s that exclusive even when empty on an off season Wednesday night? It comes off as nonsensical theatrics the second week of January during a cold snap.

“Table for two,” we said to the poor young lady they made stand in 30 degree weather at the obnoxious podium on the street. She writes our name down and says, “one moment.” Then walked into an empty restaurant to check what? Lol! Then walked back out two minutes later to unhook the rope and say, “right this way.” If it was part of some comedy routine: mission accomplished. Wake up manager. You need to read the night and adapt from time to time.

Okay, here’s the review. It’s a good place to enjoy a cocktail and some appetizers. Make it a fun night. The fries are great here. Seriously, most places screw up fries these days, do not overlook them here. The menu boasts a nice variety and the food was decent.

The cocktails are the main attraction here. They’re solid, likely amongst the best in town outside of Remedy and 1122 with which there is some affiliation. You want a great cocktail? Hit any of these three spots! It’ll be hard to find a better cocktail anywhere—no exaggeration.

The atmosphere is vibrant and targets a youthful demographic. Better music and good service at a better price point than most places in Paso. Totally worth...