Chocobar Cortés — Restaurant in San Juan

A crack in San Juan’s Pervasive façade

Something that you’ll hear many locals say is that San Juan is not the same way it used to be. It has become a hollow shell of what it once represented and the warmth that is a pinnacle of Puerto Rican culture has perished. This restaurant is the perfect example of it. I was born and raised on this island, and this restaurant penalized me for it. Unless you are a very obvious tourist, your waiters will NOT pay ANY sort of attention or respect to you.

We walked in and were seated after a mere ten minutes. That’s fine, right? No waiter came to our table for nearly 30 minutes. It got to the point that my impatience pushed me to flag someone down. The response? The first girl did a stank face, the second guy threw his head back like a teenager grunting at his mother when he’s told to take out the trash, and then finally the last one came and simply asked “What can I serve you?” Why is this all important? Because we saw how a group of other tourists came in and were not only immediately greeted, but shown the menu, explained their options, told of specials, had their questions answered and were even thanked for their visit with a smile? Now, I don’t need all of that, but the difference quite frankly pissed me off.

The food? Nothing special. Is it bad? No. Is it worth a whopping 20-30$ for a kid’s sized meal? Under no circumstances. I’ve had McGriddles that taste fresher than their pancakes. I added the “fried chicken” to the pancakes — DINO NUGGIES. That’s what they seemed to give me. The waiters went on to forget ALL THE SIDES THAT WERE SUPPOSED TO BE PART OF THE MEAL OF MY FRIEND, and then when they brought it, it was a pathetic excuse for a side.

The pork? A kidney stone waiting to happen from all the salt. My husband’s pork wrap, which is about the size of a hot pockets, could burn a hole through your tongue. I ordered an espresso choco martini that felt like it was made more with a melted sourhead than anything. The bitterness was unreal. I love coffee, I love chocolate, I love me my booze! THIS? Absolutely disgusting drink that took 40 minutes to get to my table. The most offensive part? They’ll serve drinks on plastic cups and glasses. Is this a college setting? Aren’t you supposed to be a higher end restaurant?

If you want good chocolate, buy a bar and GET OUT. This place is not worth any time or consideration, it’d be better off left as a stand in a corner. Walking in at 12:20 and leaving at 1:40 after eating for only 10...

Coming here was one of the stops for our cruise excursion to experience the culinary and cultural history of Old San Juan.

We were taken upstairs to explore exhibits in the family’s art gallery run by its non-profit Fundación Casa Cortés, whose mission promotes Caribbean art and culture in the region through education.

Also, we delighted in the chocolatier’s specialty of dark chocolate squares on cheddar cheese, churros dipped in chocolate, and Puerto Rican coffee infused with chocolate.

Before the tour left, I ran downstairs to buy some delectable goodies to take back with me. I bought the Chocolate Baklava, a Box of Bonbons, and a Homenaje Al Cacao (A 7-spice chocolate cake, coated in a soft and light caramel chocolate mousse, with a crunchy coconut centre, tucked under a 70% chocolate shell in the form of a cocoa acorn). To me, these all tasted the best when at room temperature.

I have to say that the Chocolate Baklava may be the top best baklava I have ever had. It was HUGE, crispy, and very generous with the nuts. Adding the chocolate to it made it even more addicting and mouth-watering.

The Homenaje Al Cacao was very unique and something I've never had. I was afraid it was going to be bad since it was refrigerated beforehand, and I was walking around with it all day in the hot sun. The chocolate shell had cracked during the excursion, but when I ate it later on, it was amazing! The textures and flavors were having a ball with my taste buds.

I didn't think I liked Bonbons, but they had so many exciting flavors. I bought a box of some of them to take back home with me.

If we had more time, I would have loved to have sat in their restaurant downstairs and try everything on their menu - lol. I will more than likely ensure that I get to do just that on my next visit here...

A couple of things to start off with. First, expect to wait for a table, especially if going with more than a couple of people. Second, expect to wait at least another 30 minutes for your food.

For those who have visited Old San Juan before, you know how complicated finding parking is. Thankfully this restaurant has a parking garage right in front of it. Whether it has any spaces available, that's a different story.

They have attentive and serviceable people that are busting their behinds to do their job well. The place is colorful and well decorated. It feels fun and full of energy.

Once seated, you will have to scan a Q-code that's on the middle of their tables. They have good menu options that will surely satisfy anyone's appetite. From appetizers, entrees, sandwiches, to desserts. Now, keep in mind that almost everything here will have something made out chocolate.

What we ordered: Choco-bugers and Garden Sandwich.

The burger meat was huge. It was prepared exactly like we ordered. It came with lettuce and tomatoe, bacon, sharpe Cheddar Cheese, raw red onions, and a chocolate ketchup sauce. The sauce was better than expected. I never had it before, but it tastes good in small amounts. I can honestly say that the worst part was the buns. It was dry and felt old. Other than that the burgers passes the test.

The breaded Eggplant in the Garden Sandwich was almost tasteless. The vinaigrette and other vegetables made it passable. Avoid it if possible.

Lastly, their chocolate shakes. Like most Puerto Ricans, I grew up drinking Cortés hot chocolate. But I have to admit that I have never had their chocolate in a shake. On a very hot and humid day, it was exactly...