miscusi | pasta fresca - Verona — Restaurant in Verona

How can an Italian restaurant in Italy get their dishes so wrong? The meatballs were shockingly tiny—think dog treat size—and so hard they were nearly inedible. The pasta? Severely undercooked and dry, as if it had been pre-cooked and lazily reheated before serving. And the sauce, while it may have sounded creative or gourmet on the menu, was served lukewarm and had the texture and flavor of baby food straight from a pouch.

We weren’t the only disappointed ones—several tables around us left their plates nearly untouched, looking equally stunned. Honestly, stay far away from this place. The glowing reviews must be fake, because the food was anything but authentic or enjoyable.

The photos don’t really show how small the meatballs are because I took them up close.

Don’t let the prices fool you—the portions are tiny, and the quality of the food is surprisingly low. And yes, I’ve been to Italy three times. I kept coming back because I’ve always had amazing meals in the past, whether at casual spots or fine dining restaurants. I genuinely love Italian people and their cuisine, which makes this experience all the more disappointing.

If you’re a tourist, you’re better off finding a small, family-run Italian restaurant instead of coming here. This place feels more like a chain, and it shows—they likely don’t even have an Italian chef in the kitchen. To top it off, you have to order everything through a QR code on your phone, which just adds to the impersonal, mass-produced vibe.

I’m not sure how this place has such high ratings, but do yourself a favor and take a minute to read the low-star reviews—they all describe experiences similar to mine. Unfortunately, I didn’t check them beforehand. It was about to rain, we were hungry, and we just went in without thinking....

This is not a review of their general menu, which was pretty good from the one time I tried it. It's not even a review of their service, which was quick and complimented by the use of a user friendly app. No, my fratelli, this is review of their tap water.

I don't claim to be a great connoisseur of water. I mean sure, I've climbed some of the greatest glacial peaks this world has to offer and sipped from the pure mountain water that flows from them. But my usual intake of water comes from Nestle water bottles that are likely filling my body with plastic more than water.

However, one pretty hot day in Verona, I stumbled upon this place. I ordered the usual pasta and a jug of microfiltered tap water. This water elevated me to a higher plane. The Roman Catholics have spent millennia praying and committing unspeakable atrocities and fondling young children all in a vain attempt to reach this level of spiritual enlightenment. This sweet nectar of all that is good in this world brought me to tears. I was tempted to pour one out for the homies but truth be told, I don't think even the homies in the dirt are worthy of it.

You can attribute some of this to being incredibly thirsty after a long day of walking around Verona in the unforgiving heat, or the that unlike anywhere else in this country, I didn't have to pay for this water but god damn was it refreshing.

The Pope likely orders this jug and brings it with him to baptize children to get them indoctrinated.

Padre Pio himself...

Welcome to Pasta Express, where the only thing ‘express’ is your growing frustration! 🤬 Imagine a fast food place for pasta, but with the speed of a turtle stuck in traffic. Seriously, I could have flown to Italy, hand-picked the wheat, and made my own pasta faster than these clowns can boil water.

The menu might look promising, but it’s all a cruel joke. By the time your food arrives—assuming it ever does—you’ve lost the will to live, let alone the appetite to eat. And when it finally shows up, it’s lukewarm at best, like they cooked it and let it sit around while they watched an entire season of a Netflix show. 🍿

Want to kill some time? Perfect, because you’ll have plenty of it here! I had so much time to reflect on my life choices that I almost became a monk. Avoid this place like the plague unless you’re into the whole ‘starve and suffer’ experience. Pasta Express? More like...