Mark Pi's Express — Restaurant in Heath

Pssst you. Yeah, you. Follow me for a sec--I gotta show you something.

You walk in the door and the first thing you think is "where am I?" because just a second ago you could've sworn you were in Ohio, yet the wave of exotic Chinese spices harvested from the peaks of the Himalayas beg to differ. Yes, you've been transported--somehow, someway--away from your pathetic life to somewhere new, somewhere divine.

Like an imperial traveller from decades lost, you make your way past the fish tank at the door which harvests the biggest sea-dwelling beast you've ever seen: you've heard the legends of 'Dingus Khangus', but the locals--unafraid and entirely unfazed by its presence--simply call him 'Ding Khan'.

Eventually, you make your way to the counter where you study the menu, careful neither to go too fast nor betray your gut instinct. What are these strange and beautiful dishes, you think ask yourself, as you scan the menu up and down trying to make sense of this Elvish script. It's all too overwhelming, and you begin to feel dizzy; the sweat, which pours from your brow as if it were being beaten down by the Alger sun, stings your eyes. You are about to turn away and make for the exit when, all the sudden, it happens.

From the back of the kitchen strides a hero of hitherto unknown proportions. He lacks only a white war elephant, and the scene reminds you of Alexander at the Battle of the Hydaspes arriving at the last to save his troops from utter annihilation. You squint your eyes to reveal the name on his badge: in fine gold lettering, it bears only the name "Mark". You notice that the dread you were feeling moments ago is banished into thin air by the aura of confidence exuding from his flawless skin. You are in love, but know it's a forbidden love. You look up to God and ask why fate should be so cruel as to deny you the ecstasy of holding him, caressing him, kissing him; yet, you do not curse God either, for He has delivered unto you a gift from Eros himself.

"May I take your order, please?" Mark whispers.

Then, guided from voices above, you find that your words do not fall out in a confused stammer, but instead flow with a certain weightlessness. "Kung Pao chicken, extra chicken. Two orders of spring roles, vegetable."

"Certainly. Please take a seat and I'll call you up when it's ready."

Time, if it is real, ceases: you are alone with your thoughts, which lack the conceptual categories to make sense of what's happened tonight. You sit. An eternity passes, or was it it two? Your trance is shattered from a voice in the back.

"It's ready."

It's ready, yes, but are you? No--what happens next eludes description of all mortal languages. It is, to put it the only way possible, transcendent. You wake up three days later from a deep coma; you check your diary, and somehow you've written the missing verses to Coleridge's Kubla Khan. Was it all an opium dream? You pray that it was. To be anything else would render the ethereal to the status of the earthly and everyday.

The pork dumplings...

Food=2 stars Customer Service =100+ stars but since there is only 5 I give that young girl a 5. That’s an average of 3.5 stars which has to round to a 4.

So the young girl tonight that is in a pink shirt, longer light brown hair in ponytail and sweet as can be is amazing. She is how customer service used to be and should still be. She warmed both of our hearts with her caring about us as a customer. I don’t know who she is but she deserves recognition in the highest way.

Now the food. It was hot and it was fresh but both meals. Mongolian beef and broccoli chicken with fried rice and two vegetable egg rolls leaves a lot to be desired. The dipping sauce for the egg rolls very good but the egg rolls was very very greasy and those peas was something we’ve never seen in an egg roll and should be left out.

We wanted to really love it but we are not disappointed because we got taken care of by a wonderful employee who made us feel appreciated to spend...

Every other time I’ve been here it’s been good, except the past 2 times which is within 7 months of each other. I was extremely disappointed today with the sweet and sour chicken w/fried rice. The crab Rangoon was good… but the chicken and rice tasted like a microwaved meal that you get at Walmart. I paid $8.25 for the sweet and sour chicken and 50 cents extra for fried rice and the portion size was extremely small, it was about the same size as the microwaveable meals you can get at Walmart for $1.80. I definitely will not be back. I’ll make sure I go to an authentic Chinese restaurant that’s not chain owned next time and family owned. I mixed the sauce to the chicken and rice in the picture but you can see the...