Tonino's Pizza — Restaurant in Lower Paxton Township

Tonino's pizza is sad, desperate pizza. It is the kind of pizza you get when you are looking for a last meal that will cement your decision to commit suicide.

Everything about this pizza is listless, dispirited, and awful, and the restaurant itself matches the flavor of the pizza perfectly.

My order was taken by a diminutive Mexican dude with hands like shovel blades. He had an open wound on one of his fingers, and was not wearing any kind of hand protection as he handled both food and money. After he took my order, he shuffled around the prep area, tunelessly chanting what was no doubt some ancient Olmec dirge about being forced to serve in the pizza netherworld for all eternity at the whim of some fat white guy.

When I got the pizza, the dough was stretched so thin in the middle that only the most delicate veil remained to shield my hands from the cheap cheese and factory-second canned sauce. I've had greasier pizza, but it was at a Sbarro, so that should tell you something. I choked it down until I just couldn't stand any more, refusing to let my $4.20 go completely to waste; I was pretty sure that although my body would reject absorption of this anti-nutritional item, it would at least make my stomach feel sated due to its inert bulk alone.

What a fool I was. It is sitting inside me now, a festering, indigestible lump of heartburn, satisfying nothing. It has not budged in the two hours that have passed since I ate it, and I am beginning to fear it will remain there for the rest of my life.

Everything about this pizza made me sad. After I ate it, I sat and cried in my car for a few minutes, returning to work with my shoulders slumped, red-eyed and dripping with remorse and thick orange grease.

You don't want Tonino's pizza....

If I could give it 0 stars I would. Second time I’ve been accused of calling the “wrong place” when they couldn’t find my order. When I go to show the owner the number I dialed- he refuses to look at my phone and just says your orders not here- which no problem, I’ll leave and take my money else where; however the guy in the back, who took my order on the phone and gave me the number to state at the restaurant is frantic and insists that my order is ready. When I ask him the number he told me over the phone, he ignores me. Fine, so I ask him In Spanish- because he was speaking in Spanish to someone there- he again ignores me, super over charges me, and the amount on the register was not the amount that he ran my credit card for. If Tonino’s needs money that badly to rip people off, then people need to be made aware. Terrible. Never again. Not to mention, awful tasting pizza. Not like how I remember it to...

I can’t believe people think this pizza is the best in town when clearly it’s not. Like they haven’t been around to other pizza shops? I ordered a large vegetable pizza which cost me a total of $27.42! That’s pretty expensive. When I brought it home to my husband, the first thing he noticed was how watery it was. It was dripping off the pizza onto the box. The biggest disappointment was that the toppings were not well prepared. I could tell that they use canned mushrooms and frozen broccoli. There wasn’t enough of the green peppers and the Kalamata olives were way too salty, it was unbearable! I think the water was coming from the frozen broccoli and tomatoes. The tomato sauce is too tangy. Overall, this pizza is poorly executed and not balanced in flavors. A waste of $8 in toppings. My husband isn’t picky but he said he doesn’t want to order from here again. They need...