Theodora — Restaurant in New York

"Where do you go when you hit rock bottom?" That's what I was pondering as I stared at the empty glass that once housed a negroni. "Another one?" Asked the attentive bartender "Keep 'em coming" I replied. "OK, but you shouldn't really drink on an empty stomach, have you tried our pita bread with the monkfish hummus?" "Just get me another drink" Of course I tried the hummus here. Many times. It's a revelation. In fact, I tried everything on the menu at Theodora--the cozy latest restaurant from chef Tomer Blechman on 7 Greene Ave, conveniently located by the Lafayette Ave subway. No, that night my mind was not on savory delights, but on heartbreak--and it seemed like no amount of perfectly crafted cocktails could erase the memory of Sarah. Sarah was my college sweetheart. We met at University of Phoenix online and it was love at first sight. We were living our dream of dressing like Bert and Ernie, posing for pictures with tourists in Times Square. I was so in love, I asked her to marry me and she said yes. Everything was going so great---I had a great job, flavorful small plates at Theodora---but best of all, I was engaged to the Bert to my Ernie. But it all came crashing down last week. I opened the door to find the ring left on the felt off-brand muppet head. There was now a hole in me, and no amount of "whole bone-in branzino" can fill that. (Although it was fun to try) I was waiting for my order of Octopus with smoked shallots, butternut squash and salmoriglio when I saw...her. She had the beauty of brutalist architecture and the allure of the Mars rover. She glided down the Brooklyn street with the grace of a world class figure skater. "Sir? Sir?" The waitress snapped me out of my trance, standing there holding a plate of Swordfish Belly Skewer. My mouth was dry, my skin felt electric. I didn't know I could ever feel this way again. "Wh-who...who is THAT?" "....I don't know sir, I didn't see who was driving. Can I put this plate down? It's very hot" "No, THAT" I pointed to the gunmetal colored vision "....the cybertruck?" The waitress gave me a quizzical look. Cyber. Truck. So elegant, yet succinct. It was like a haiku. I was compelled to follow my four wheeled muse. I paid my tab and hurried out the restaurant--jostling several patrons on the way. I opened the door, the crisp night air caressing my face, beckoning me to find her---but where could she be? I turned a corner, and there she was--- as if she was waiting for me. She was as beautiful as Helen of Troy---although I guess she was more like the Trojan horse. But hot. I reached out and touched the cool, stainless steel. DETECTING A BROKEN HEART* What? Did---did she just talk? How could this be? Maybe it was something I ate? No, impossible--everything cooked at Theodora is cooked exquisitely to perfection. I shook my head in disbelief, I grabbed ahold of myself "H-hello?" HELLO I AM THE CYBERTRUCKS ON-BOARD AI, CYBELLE. I HAVE BEEN PROGRAMMED TO MEND BROKEN HEARTS. DO YOU NEED ASSISTANCE Call it Kismet, call it fate, call it what you will, but I refuse to believe I met Cybelle through sheer coincidence. "Yes, Cybelle---I've loved and I lost and I now have an icebox where my heart used to be" With hardly a sound, the trunk opened as smooth as the whipped ricotta served on sourdough bread at Theodora. PLEASE PROCEED TO THE REAR OF THE VEHICLE Cybelle commanded. I obeyed. I moved to the back of my lithium powered lover. I don't know what came over me but Cybelle brought something out of me that I neve The trunk lowered onto me, trapping my hidden self inside of Cybelle. She held me tight, but there was no need, for I wouldn't have run away. I cried out in pain at first, but my discomfort was replaced with ecstacy. Me and Cybelle were one. I don't know who was charging who. Minutes passed---hours? Who could tell? Time lost meaning in that moment THAT WAS SO HOT. I FEEL LIKE I MIGHT CATCH ON FIRE. BUT IN A DIFFERENT WAY "Cybelle...you're amazing" I said, trying to catch my breath. "Let's get dinner sometime, I know just...

I went into this restaurant 2 weeks ago on a Saturday evening, and was pleasantly surprised to snag a seat at the bar. Upon arriving, the place is beautiful.. Really lovely atmosphere, and friendly patrons at the bar. The cocktail menu is impressive and unique, especially because I love mezcal - and went for this specific reason! Unfortunately, I received the worst customer service from the bartender I perhaps have ever experienced. What a shame.. I really wanted for this spot to become my new go to restaurant! She ignored me, and took the 3 gentleman's orders before me that came in after... to which they noticed and felt bad, and offered to order a round of shots to make up for getting their drinks before me. Someone else then came over to take my order, and I was surprised how promptly it got served to me. I realized after, it was because they gave me the wrong drink. I ordered one of the martini mezcal options, and they served me a different cocktail than the one I had ordered originally, knowingly, and didn't tell me she made a mistake and served me the wrong drink. It still tasted good, and balanced - yet I felt confused because it didn't taste like what I had ordered... I love a spirit forward drink, and was excited to try it.. I don't care for a sweet or citrus forward drink. I also asked the woman before hand about the specific drink, making sure it would be aligned with my tastes. I drank about half of it, and then asked if they had something that would be more spirit forward, a different drink to try because that didn't taste like what I had ordered. She informed me that they KNOWINGLY served me the wrong drink, by accident, but it seemed like I liked it, so they didn't say anything to me.... and would I like for them to make the original drink I ordered?! Whaaaaaaa? How do you serve someone something they didn't order, and realize your mistake , and not correct it? It's a restaurant. We go there to receive what we order and pay for. I was very taken aback, and said "you should have told me! That's so awkward to serve me something else, and not tell me..that's really strange.." It was honestly embarrassing, and rather uncomfortable. The bartender wouldn't make eye contact with me after that...She sat the original drink down in front of me, after making the correct one, and never even said a peep, let alone let me know what drink it actually was! I had to ask her what it was she just set down in front of me?! The other woman working came over and offered me an aperitif or the likes to make it up to me.. but at this point, it was just so uncomfortable, I asked for a box and to go. I kindly said to the bartender, "you know this was a really awkward and uncomfortable experience for me, you served me something I didn't order - and then didn't tell me.. that feels really strange.." She looked at me said "ok." rolled her eyes and walked away! Literally. Didn't try and offer a solution, apologize, nothing. Left me there sitting. My bill was $93! The restaurant is beautiful, menu is lovely, and I had really hoped to enjoy it. It was the worst customer service I have ever received at a nicer establishment... Close to spending a hundred dollars to get treated poorly, absolutely sucked. This is sadly the only 1 star review I have ever given.. Please work on your service skills.. That was an awful experience. It felt chaotic, disorganized, and as if the staff couldn't handle the amount of people that were in...

Came here on a Wednesday night with high hopes and left kinda unimpressed

Ricotta Toast $14: Started the dinner off strongggg with this one. Never thought I’d call ricotta toast indulgent, but here we are. It was rich and creamy—not that light, airy kind, but the buttery, decadent kind. Just straight-up delicious. Easily the best thing we had. 10/10.

Ora King Salmon $21 / Red Snapper Ceviche $21: Two different dishes, same issue. The sauces/vinaigrettes were way too overpowering—honestly, you could’ve swapped the fish, and I probably wouldn’t have noticed. That said, the sauces were tasty, just way too strong, completely masking the actual fish. Ora King Salmon: 6.8/10 Red Snapper Ceviche: 7.3/10.

Octopus $25: Easily the second-best thing we had. Normally, octopus can be super chewy and tough, but this was almost like a perfectly cooked scallop—tender and bouncy. And unlike the crudos, the sauce didn’t overpower it; the octopus actually stood out. Solid 8/10.

Dry Age Bone-in Branzino $72: Let’s start with the good—the skin was crispy, and the fish was cooked perfectly, super moist and flaky. That’s about it. You’d think, based on all the herbs and color in the photo, that this would actually taste like something… nope. The fish itself had zero flavor. My friend even asked for salt just to get some kind of taste. Spectacular letdown. 5.5/10.

Lamb $42: This was just fine. The main issue? The lamb itself didn’t have much flavor—felt like it was just there to carry the sauces rather than stand on its own. When you think of lamb and Mediterranean flavors, you expect charred meat exploding with flavor. This wasn’t that. Better than the fish, though. 6.5/10.

Baklava Sunday $14: So absurdly sweet. Our tres leches birthday cake that we brought in was somehow less sweet.

Such a mid experience, and our server (Emily T) just gave us weird vibes our whole dinner. Something about her just seemed like not willing to get along with us or just done with her job in general.

There was one thing in particular that really bothered our group. She gave us an extra drink that we didn't order so of course we notify her after she comes back around, and she just takes off without saying anything or taking the drink away and we're like wtf, whats the resolution here?

So we wait till another waitress is nearby and ask her "Hey we didnt order this drink, what we do about this?" and this second server took it away and she said she'd handle it.

Only then does our OG waitress finally come back around like "You sure you didn't order this drink?" and we're like nah and shes like "That's suspicious, I don't make mistakes" and just lingers looking at us.... like okay what do you want us to do about it. I feel like the resolution here is super simple, just take the drink off the bill. We don't even need you to take accountability for it cause it's neither here nor there whose mistake it is, but lingering around tryna find someone to blame is just weird behavior.

Anyways, hard pass on this place, would...