Starbucks — Restaurant in North Olmsted

Formal Review of Target Corporation (Ohio Location) – A Grave Examination of Linguistic Obfuscation and Ohio Revised Code Noncompliance

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In accordance with my duties as an informed citizen of the State of Ohio, and under the implied social contract of lawful retail engagement, I recently conducted a visit to a Target retail establishment situated on Ohio State Highway 17. The experience, while initially routine in nature, devolved into what can only be described as a corporate linguistic dystopia governed by Pig Latin, reinforced by structural and procedural deviations that may be in direct or adjacent violation of numerous provisions within the Ohio Revised Code (ORC).

I. Universal Pig Latin Communication

It must be stated, for the record and with utmost seriousness, that every single employee in this establishment appears to communicate exclusively in Pig Latin.

Upon entrance, I was greeted with:

“Elcomeway otay Argettay! Anmay Iyay elphay ouyay indfay anythingyay?”

This is not a one-off quirk. This is institutional. I engaged with no fewer than seven team members, from floor associates to customer service clerks to a loss prevention officer who may or may not have mumbled “Easeplay opstay ookinglay atyay ethay amerascay” as I tried to interpret the return policy signage. The entire operation has adopted Pig Latin as the de facto working language—a decision which may constitute a direct violation of: • ORC § 1345.02 – Unfair or deceptive acts or practices in consumer transactions, due to the fact that key information (e.g., pricing clarifications, refund terms) is obscured through nonstandard speech. • ORC § 4112.02(G) – Public accommodations; linguistic accessibility, especially for those who do not speak English fluently—let alone Pig Latin, which has no Rosetta Stone course and is not ADA-compliant. • Possibly ORC § 2921.45 – Interference with civil rights, if one considers willful obfuscation of information a barrier to lawful consumer participation.

I asked for assistance locating AA batteries and was directed, verbatim, to:

“Eckchay Aisleyay Ine-Nay, extnay otay ethay Earbabyay Uppliessay.”

I assumed this meant “Check Aisle Nine, next to the Earbud Supplies,” but was wrong. It was diapers.

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II. Operational Disarray and Legal Exposure

The store layout fails to conform to any known logic, spatial efficiency, or human decency. While attempting to locate multivitamins, I wandered through an area that blended sports bras, Halloween décor, and a single rogue printer. This may violate: • ORC § 5533.01 – Logical pedestrian and vehicular flow, if extended metaphorically to in-store navigation. • ORC § 3737.14 – Fire prevention and egress regulations, as several aisles were impassable due to seasonal displays involving inflatable turkeys.

At one point, an employee pushing a flatbed cart yelled:

“Iway ovehay otay ovemay hesetay endtablesay! Areyay inyay ethay ayway?” This caused several customers to freeze in confusion, unsure whether they were being spoken to or hexed.

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III. Checkout Experience and Surveillance Protocol

The self-checkout lanes are closely monitored by cameras that are more expressive than the staff. The system automatically flagged my two-item transaction for review. The attending associate, while scanning my receipt, whispered:

“Ityay ookslay ikelay ouyay uybay a otlay of oconutcay ocolatechay…” I don’t know what that means. I felt vaguely profiled.

• This may fall under ORC § 1345.03 – Unconscionable acts or practices, especially if Pig Latin profiling becomes a...

These people should be absolutely ashamed of themselves on how they conduct business. Going here for 6+ yrs and being charged half price for my drink was absolutely lovely. Why they did this for so long I have no idea but recently they gave me issues about pricinf and when I asked. They played the victim card. This is absolutely wild and I was treated with such disrespect after continuously supporting these ppl here day in and day out 24/7 as much as I could. I have given gift cards and tips over the years to multiple employees. There are a few really really good ones here and a lot of us were on first name basis. Talked about life and family stuff. They have changed a ton and the way they talk about customers when tbey leave is just baffling. Beyond me. This is just insanity. I have heard some really nasty things.

Not to mention, the dating game some of them play as well. When I am getting my coffee ai do not want to hear about your physical issues and fights outside of work with your sig other. Pretty trashy if you ask me.

This location is always OUT OF SOMETHING DUE TO TEAM LEADERSHIP, MACHINES DOWN MORE SO THAN THEY SHOULD BE. GNATS FLYING AROUND EVERYWHERE. COFFEE SMELLING LIKE MILDEW BC THEY ARE TOO LAZY TO CLEAN. (NOT ALL BUT MOST)

BIG THINGS AND CHANGES NEED TO HAPPEN HERE AND ASAP BECAUSE WHAT A TRAVESTY...

These people should be absolutely ashamed of themselves on how they conduct business. Going here for 6+ yrs and being charged half price for my drink was absolutely lovely. Why they did this for so long I have no idea but recently they gave me issues about pricinf and when I asked. They played the victim card. This is absolutely wild and I was treated with such disrespect after continuously supporting these ppl here day in and day out 24/7 as much as I could. I have given gift cards and tips over the years to multiple employees. There are a few really really good ones here and a lot of us were on first name basis. Talked about life and family stuff. They have changed a ton and the way they talk about customers when tbey leave is just baffling. Beyond me. This is just insanity. I have heard some really nasty things.

Not to mention, the dating game some of them play as well. When I am getting my coffee ai do not want to hear about your physical issues and fights outside of work with your sig other. Pretty trashy if you ask me.

This location is always OUT OF SOMETHING DUE TO TEAM LEADERSHIP, MACHINES DOWN MORE SO THAN THEY SHOULD BE. GNATS FLYING AROUND EVERYWHERE. COFFEE SMELLING LIKE MILDEW BC THEY ARE TOO LAZY TO CLEAN. (NOT ALL BUT MOST)

BIG THINGS AND CHANGES NEED TO HAPPEN HERE AND ASAP BECAUSE WHAT A TRAVESTY...