Regal UA Kaufman Astoria — Attraction in New York

I went here for the very first time a few weeks ago and it was so horrible.

We paid for the RPX "premium experience" seats and it was horrific. Not only were the seats small (so much smaller than the full recliners you get at AMC), the 4D effects (seat vibrations, shaking, sounds) were randomly enabled throughout the movie as if a wire was broken but this wasn't a 4D movie - it was so annoying. Not to mention how sticky and uncomfortable they are, and it honestly just smelled bad in the theatre.

The sound was the worst part though - it's supposed to be surround sound obviously, but it literally just sounded like a single speaker playing directly in front of and above us: there was no sound on either side or behind. I could really and truly get better picture and sound quality on my TV at home. We went to see Wicked where the sound experience was kind of the main thing, and it was really disappointing.

For the concessions, we ordered and paid at the kiosk in advance, and then after standing at the Pickup counter for 15 minutes with no one there (we even asked a ticketing employee what where we should go to get the food we ordered and he had no idea), we eventually just stood on the full regular line for another 10 minutes like everyone else - I don't know what the point of the kiosk is. We also ordered candy which was only available on the shelves they had online, so after we got our popcorn, we had to go and cut everyone online to grab (and look like we were stealing) candy from the shelves. The kiosk also lets you pick how much butter you want in the popcorn, but the butter is self-serve (and was totally out).

They also have claw machines that are blatantly impossible to win anything - I really hate when they make them predatory like that, not mention the intervals of the cards you have to buy (which cost money themselves) to play the arcade machines don't match the price to play the machines, so you have money left over.

Overall, definitely one of the worst theatres I've been...

The "standard" theaters have tiny, tiny screens, at least once you get to Theater 8 and above. I saw movies in two of those theaters tonight (I have the subscription plan and made it a movie night) and both times I regretted getting seats in the middle row because it wasn't close enough for the screens to fill one's field of vision. It's fine if you're prepared for it, but underwhelming.

Far worse, tonight, was the fact that in one of the theaters a masking drape hung too low (or the projector was angled wrong), cutting off a foot of screen and making it so that the tops of people's heads were being projected on the curtain during closeups. Incredibly distracting and unprofessional. No one was around to ask about this so we just watched 90% of a movie and dealt with it. (This was the 10:05 screening of Dr Strange in case anyone from the theater actually reads these.) In the other theater the projection was underlit and the sound was not great (several lines of dialogue were unintelligible).

I would also recommend that if you intend on ordering any food beyond premade popcorn and candy that you arrive at the theater a half hour early. I ordered a burger and fries between movies and it was a 20-minute wait. I have no idea why it would take that long, especially since I the burger was basic and, I believe, microwaved.

The staff is friendly enough, the seats are comfortable enough and everything is clean, so they deserve at least the two stars. But Astoria really deserves a real movie theater comparable to what they get in...

I find UA Kaufman - Astoria to be mediocre. I suspect the theatre survives primarily due to it's hot location. Located near Northern Blvd & Steinway, close to the LIE, BQE and two Subway lines it's always destined to at-worst break even. Because of this sense of stability on the part of ownership I don't think they feel the need to re-invest in the business as much as competing theatres do. Ownership is also very cognizant of the influx of new & big money in to the Astoria-LIC neighborhoods in the past 5 years. This is bad for the average consumer. The prices are rather high for the lack of amenities offered. The staff is fine but one can sense they're rather disgruntled, stressed which leads to slow service times and a general negative aura among them. The audio experience in all but one auditorium has been eclipsed by other theatres in the area as well. The seats are dated and the food is nothing worth writing home about. As for the positives; what keeps this theatre worth returning to is indeed the location - too convenient. Parking, my word the parking is a miracle. In all but the busiest of showing times there is usually a spot on the roof. The film selection is always diverse and the occasional anime, foreign flick is always enjoyed. The bathrooms are clean and lines are never too long. The kid's section seems like it'd be useful for parents, though not having a child I can't comment on that...