Picco — Restaurant in Boston

In a forgotten strip mall between a taxidermy shop and an abandoned tanning salon stood a sad little pizzeria called Picco.

The sign was crooked. The lights flickered like they were haunted. And the smell? Not pizza — more like wet cardboard and regret.

Picco was the passion project of one man: Derek. Derek called himself a “culinary disruptor.” He wore a chef’s coat even though he’d never worked in a real kitchen, and his only formal training was a three-hour YouTube playlist called “Mastering the Dough.”

But Derek had a dream: to reinvent pizza.

His boldest idea? No sauce. Ever.

“Sauce is a crutch,” he declared. “Tomatoes are a scam.”

Instead, Derek spread warm mayonnaise on the crust. Sometimes, when he felt “artsy,” he drizzled honey mustard and called it a "fusion glaze."

The cheese? Pre-shredded American slices.

The toppings? Unforgivable. Once, he put cold spaghetti and Skittles on a pie and called it “Sweet & Street.”

Locals tried Picco once — and never again. Yelp reviews became legendary.

★☆☆☆☆ “I lost custody of my kids after eating here.”

★☆☆☆☆ “The crust tasted like a yoga mat that fought in a war.”

★☆☆☆☆ “What happened to Derek should be studied in therapy programs.”

But Derek? He was proud.

He’d sit at the counter, sipping lukewarm soda from a measuring cup, nodding at the few unfortunate souls who walked in.

"You're not ready for greatness," he'd whisper, handing them a slice with tuna and marshmallows on a gluten-free cracker crust.

Eventually, Picco was shut down by the health department — something about the “fermented shrimp loaf special” causing hallucinations. Derek disappeared the same day, leaving only a handwritten sign on the window:

“Too bold for Crumbleton. You weren’t ready. Someday, you’ll understand.”

Legend says he opened a new shop in Portland. Or maybe he’s just making pizza in a shed somewhere, still proud, still wrong.

And that’s the story of Picco: the worst pizza ever — and the man who wouldn't stop...

Imagine going to an Italian restaurant on a Thursday night and having iDubbbz as your waiter. At Picco you can get that, along with a delicious macaroni and cheese dinner. Okay, maybe your waiter won't actually be iDubbbz, but he might look like him, especially if he's wearing a mask. Anyway, this mac is better than Panera's mac, if that's any indication of its greatness. Panera's mac is thick to an extreme, while Picco's mac strikes a happy medium in being thick but not to the point where you feel like your throat is coated in dense cheese sauce afterwards. The noodles are also of a vastly different shape, sporting an appearance similar to Kraft's spirals. I just wanna say though, I know how it seems when I compare the mac and cheese to some random other place like this, but I feel like it helps speak to the masses to make a comparison to something as widely-known as Panera. Just know that my meal here was delicious, although I have to man up and admit that I couldn't finish the entire thing. Perhaps the food was filling, or maybe my stomach is small, who's to say? I'm going to give the benefit of the doubt here and say the food was filling. It was also delicious. Did I say that already? Oh yeah, the wait staff was really nice, too. When I was initially led to the outside dining area there was a rope blocking the doorway, and I was extremely confused. The waitress had walked around it before I got out the door, so I saw her standing next to a table with my path to her blocked, it was like some weird symbolic nightmare. I wondered as I found my way to her whether or not I should be embarrassed, but she pretended like it didn't happen. It was very sweet, the world needs more people like her. Also, the world needs more mac and cheese like the mac and...

Service was great and I had a nice time and the food was fine (I like the pizza crust) but I made a reservation on the online app (apparently the only way you can do it other than in person) and had the grave warning of, "if you don't show or cancel within the hour before, you will be charged $15" and I had to give a credit card just to reserve a spot - which I get and was OK with... but when I showed, they didn't have my reservation. It was fine, there was a table, but not the one by the window that I'd wanted and I was there for my birthday so it could have been really frustrating and now, because they didn't "confirm I showed" I'm being charged the $15 no-show fee.

Just know that you should find a way to confirm, day of, that your reservation is there so you don't get there and get turned away and then have to pay. Or maybe just only go if there is space when you show up.

As for the food, there were 4 of us so we split 4 pizzas (one slice each) and 2 salads and each got the waffle sundae for dessert. It was a good way to do it except that the Beet Salad wasn't anything to write home about and for the pizzas, I really only liked the pepperoni; the other 3 were all lacking. The Caesar Salad was legitimately good, though, as was the waffle sundae.

So! My recommendation is that it's only worth going there if you are in the area anyway (and double check your reservation if you must have one) and you should get the Caesar Salad, Pepperoni Pizza and the Waffle Sundae. Leave the fancier options to a different place.

TL;DR : it's fine, but they need to work...