Horn's Gaslight Bar & Restaurant — Restaurant in Mackinac Island

After 12 miles of hiking, I worked up quite an appetite. I felt like murdering one of the horses on one of the many horse-drawn carriages on the island and eating not only the horse, but the passengers as well.

By this thought, one would assume that literally any food would have sufficed, and that it would be impossible to have a bad food experience with my degree of hunger.

This assumption was wrong.

All I wanted were wings and a burger - an American classic, so ubiquitous that it can even be found in some Mexican restaurants.

I walked into the restaurant panting from my trek through and around the island. My feet ached, my back was sore, and my shoulders glowed red from the painful kiss of the sun. I was greeted with a crowded, albeit clean atmosphere. The room was packed full of people, and not an empty table remained. To my surprise, my significant other and myself were seated quite promptly, and watched as the hostess and server quickly cleared off a table for us to rest our weary legs. After this serendipitous sight, I was simply ethereal. I was where I belonged. Horn's Gaslight Bar & Restaurant - my Mecca.

After some waiting, we receive our menus and drinks. The service was slightly slower than I would have liked, but the servers were doing an admiral job under the extremely heavy lunch hour. I looked over the menu, searching for my meal like mother looks for their lost child. As my eyes skirted lower down the page, the metaphorical lost children grew uglier and uglier - just about every menu on the item exceeded $10. The menu explicitly stated that portions would be generous, so I ordered my $12 wings and $14 burger, excitedly anticipating the wondrous servings I would soon be devouring. As I ordered the aforementioned wings and burger, the waitress inquires as to whether I would like to substitute the chips with my "Swiss Mushroom Burger" with fries. I pondered for a moment, and a peculiar thought emerged in my brain - "who the hell doesn't have fries with their burger?" Proceeding that thought, I confirmed the substitution.

After a long (but not entirely unreasonable) wait, the waitress lowered the wings on to our table. I watched in slow-motion as my mouth went from a drooling, moist flesh-cave to a surprised, mildly displeased grimace. On that dish lay a scant five wings, each belonging to a seemingly underfed chicken. Beneath the small cup of bleu cheese lay two measly celery sticks, each approximately three inches long. Adjacent to the wings was a pathetic pile of chips, looking as if it came from the hand of a toddler.

The wings tasted fine. I would have paid perhaps a dollar per wing if I was at the seedy bar in my own town. However, I was served a true disappointment of an appetizer. At $2.40 per wing, I was simply aghast. I have more meat on my pinky finger than one of those wings. I solemnly at the entire appetizer, awaiting the main course.

After another long-ish wait, I was given my burger with fries. This time, a slightly larger toddler had served the fries, but their hands were not much better endowed. After the wings' horrendous display, I closely inspected my entree. I ordered the burger medium, but received a dry hockey puck. The meat wasn't completely inedible, but it was tough, dry, and overcooked, which didn't lend to a positive performance. The swiss cheese was fine, for I am convinced it came from a bag of Kraft singles and they paid no more than $3 for a pack of 100. I was further disappointed by the mushrooms. They were hard and under cooked, akin to a pubescent 7th grade boy. The burger was simply a terrible experience all-around.

I was completely dissatisfied. I could have bought a ferry to the mainland, took an Uber to the nearest Culver's, and would have been infinitely more satisfied than after eating at Horn's. The food was just as disgusting as the bill. Two stars...

$8 margaritas that were smaller than the $5 margaritas I got back at college. I don't think the bartender realizes that the rim of the glass is supposed to be coated in salt, and not the margarita itself.

As for our food, the guacamole and salsa were subpar at best. Honestly, if they had used guacamole from Walmart I'd have left them with a 3 or 4 star review. I got the steak fajita burrito and asked for the steak to be done medium. I typically get steak done medium rare, but avoid doing so on events such as a vacation, or in this case, my honeymoon. I wish I had asked for it bloody rare, as the steak in my burrito was done to the point that my wife thought I was playing around after chewing each bite for almost a minute straight. She had to try it for herself because she couldn't believe me, and when she did it ruined her appetite. Honestly surprised they managers to overcook steak so badly without burning it.

The sour cream comes in a peel back container similar to the coffee creamer you'd get at a breakfast place such as Denny's. My wife got the chicken enchiladas verde and was not pleased with the end result. Despite the saltiness of my margaritas, the drinks here were leagues better than the food. Taco Bell wouldn't have competition should it be placed next door.

The only reason I'm giving two stars instead of one is because our server was wonderful. For some reason we took much longer to order than usual (they do have a LOT of options to choose from, which probably lends a lot to why the food sucked as their cooks never have the opportunity to get good at making any particular dish), and she was very patient with us. She kept our drinks filled and was quite polite and nice. I wish I could remember her name as she deserves far more accolades than the food by a long shot.

If you find yourself looking at this review, just walk another block or two down the road. Any place you see will be...

Very disappointed in Horn’s Bar and the service we got here. A couple weeks ago our party called to confirm a table of 15 would be okay to bring in. We were told yes and re-called a few days before coming in to just confirm and not cause stress. This party was for my brother and his girlfriends engagement that happen on the island just about hour before. However, as soon as we get into the restaurant is was a complete mess. We got told that was something that could not be done so we were just seated by the waitress Aubrey. Another waitress came up to us and asked us if we wanted to move since we would be by one another. We kindly said of course and went to sit down. We ordered food at our originally tabled and Aubrey brought it out to us. She threw our plates down and said we can just figure it out. The couple came in with the photographers and Aubrey stopped helping us and said if we needed anything we would have to ask a hostess because we weren’t her problem and can figure it out. She started to take food and drink orders from the new couple but was extremely disrespectful with her attitude towards them. Before we were done eating I watched her run to another hostess and say, “I’m done. They can be cashed out”. She then took the card out of my mother’s hand. Brie then came and helped out the couple but unfortunately had a very bad attitude as well. She was annoyed and didn’t want to help anyone. I usually don’t write about any reviews but for the occasion I find it extremely disappointing because this thing doesn’t happen everyday. I understand maybe these ladies were having a bad day but again for this occasion it deeply breaks my heart. We have only heard great things about this place but we never return...