Retro's Good Eats — Restaurant in Williamsburg

Ate here for the first time today, with my wife and son. I must say, I was incredibly disappointed.

First, let me address the food. My wife and I had cheeseburgers. Before ordering, the price seemed decent; I was a little set back by the fact that they charge 10cents for each additional condiment past the included 2- however, I figured that the burger must be of very good quality and "what the heck- its only 10 cents". We both added fries and a drink which again- was extra. My son ordered chicken nuggets with fries; a pricey option considering the portion size was four pathetic looking nuggets and a piddly amount of fries (which, in hindsight, was probably better- as my son was the only one who was saved from having to eat a large portion of repulsiveness; but I digress).

We placed our order, with the cashier who obviously LOVED her job (insert sarcasm), and then proceeded to find a table to wait for our order number to be called. We were limited to a bar table right near the register, as a foul and off-putting odor was emanating from the area where the condiments were located. This location of disgusting gases was coincidentally adjacent to the bathrooms (again, sarcasm). Considering not a single customer dared to eat in the larger space, from what I'm assuming was the assault on their nasal region, the dining quarters were extremely cramped. The wait was quite a bit little longer than expected, especially when we realized the quality of the food before us (in reality, we'd have been better off microwaving the horse turds we'd seen on the road- it would probably have been healthier, faster, and having actually come from a real animal). But again, I digress. I said, as we were waiting, to my wife whom is well versed in the service industry: " well, it's supposed to be an awesome burger- and think about the wait times at Five Guys, and how awesome those burgers are!" Our order number is called by the most fantastically articulate prep cook (who also LOVES his job), and I pick up the food. My first impression,based solely on looks, was that the burger was small, there was more salad on my wife's burger than actual meat, and the hand-cut fries looked like limp excuses for potatoes that had been suicidally propelled into a vat of Vaseline. The only redeeming quality was the bun- which was a Martin Potato roll (confirmed by a delivery during our dining experience). It was almost as if the employees felt sorry for serving you such crap on a bun, that at least the bun was fantastic.

If this review hasn't made it glaringly obvious by now, my entire family was none-too-impressed by the taste, or even quality of the meats. And, this is coming from a four year old who's been known to eat his own boogers. The burgers were the same disgusting no-name brand you'd pick up for your worst enemy in the bargain bin at Walmart- you know, the one in the box that just screams "High Quality Beef" by pricing themselves at $5 for 20 patties. My son's chicken nuggets were so disgusting, the paper the prep cook placed them on looked more appetizing. And the fries. Oh my, I'm not sure how you mess up hand-cut pieces of potato cooked in grease, but believe me, they did.

The verdict was, after two painful hours in the bathroom puking up whatever creation had been mislabeled as burgers, you should definitely go here. Especially if you're bulimic and looking of new ways to clear out your gut. $27 for gristle and bone on a really wonderful Martin's Roll, Chicken Nuggets that I'm sure were part of a 5th graders science experiment, and fries that just made me truly depressed, seems a little high to me- but, at least they...

Response to the owner: yes, report me to Google for my honest review of your restaurant 🤣. To me, as a customer, it’s as important what the food is served in as the food itself. I’m giving your restaurant a 1 for the environmental impact your restaurant is making on a daily basis. It’s much easier to obtain at a minimum price those cheap plastic/styrofoam utensils/bowls than to invest in more sustainable options because you can just dump it in your trash can and forget about it. No effort! You are thinking only of profit to your pocket. Additionally, instead of thanking for a good suggestion, you are plain aggressive because you didn’t like the truth.

I didn’t mention the food previously and, instead, focused on one aspect that’s more important to me as a customer, but here it goes, since you asked: most of the excessively-oily Mac and Cheese bites and French fries went in trash, along with the styrofoam/plastic the rest of the food was served in. Saturated in oil food didn’t add additional rating points to your place.

I do NOT recommend this place to anyone.

It’s a really cute cafe and reasonably priced but there is no reason why this restaurant can’t use reusable plates and silverware vs plastic or paper products. Why generate so much trash on a daily basis? The landfills and oceans are full of disposable plastic. There is nowhere to throw this stuff away. It stays on our planet and virtually will never decompose. Please rethink your impact on the environment.

Additionally, heated plastic is not good for human health either. From thyroid issues, to infertility, to cancer. Look it up for yourselves.

Disappointed and...

Designed for high college students with parent’s money to spend Hospital cafeteria food

My husband and I (both 35) saw this place on Google, and got excited thinking it would be a cool throw back to classic diner foods. Unfortunately, we were let down.

The good sides? The decor in the place is very quaint. And the French fries were fresh cut.

The downsides? The other food was terrible. Flat out terrible. Very little seating.

The burger was identical to the burgers they serve at the middle school I teach at, both in texture, shape, and taste. And for over $6 not including fries.

The hot dog had an odd taste to it as though it had been sitting for quite a bit. We each took one bite and left it.

We ordered macaroni and cheese bites, which are also identical to what they serve at Sheetz for 2x the price, and were cold and had been sitting for quite awhile.

My husband had a caesar salad that he said was alright, although the heads of the romaine lettuce had been trimmed poorly.

There was also no water, only bottled water for $2 and no option to get a cup from the soda fountain.

For two small burgers, fries, Mac n cheese bites, one hot dog, a salad, and bottled water, we paid over $55 with tip and tax; for food that was poorer quality than served in school cafeterias. Clearly this place uses the same food supplier as schools and Sheetz.

This was clearly designed for stoned W&M students to wander over to, and not for actual people to eat at. Biggest disappointment of a lunch I’ve had in...