Caffè di Marzano Vermuteria — Restaurant in Lisbon

I never thought I would write this kind of review, but I have videos to back up the unbelievable service I had here.

I came here right after shopping and sat outside, to get a quick coffee or lemonade. I was waiting for maybe 5 minutes before I went in and told the bar person (in Portuguese) that I was outside and if I could see a menu. They said ok and a server came outside shortly and gave me a menu.

There were a bunch of empty tables and the server is going in and out of the restaurant and at this point I am waiting at least 10 minutes. He never looks in my direction or even walks by. A man sitting in the table in front of me leaves, and a few minutes later a young (white) couple sit there. They change to a table behind them in the shade and IMMEDIATELY the server goes over to that table and gives them silverware and begins asking them about items on the menu.

At this point, I’m just stunned. I walk over and ask him what’s going on, and even tell the couple that I’ve been waiting for 10 minutes (st this point it had now been 15 since they switched tables). The server is condescending, says he “forgot”I was sitting there, apologies but also asks if I’m trying to “imply” something, basically saying “there is no problem”. I end up recording this part, but at this point I’m just stunned by the service and lack of professionalism.

I almost never write bad reviews about places and am a very patient person when it comes to servers because I understand how difficult of a job it is, especially with foreign guests. But I do not recommend coming here at all, especially if you are a Black or queer person. I’m just stunned and I’m worried this will happen to...

Oh honey, let me give you the unvarnished truth served hotter than a fresh plate of drama. We sashayed into that establishment with the humble expectation of, I don’t know, basic human decency—perhaps a sprinkle of charm, a whisper of hospitality? But no, darling, what unfolded was a tragic opera of indifference. Enter stage left: the waiter, crowned with curls as defiant as his attitude and brows thicker than the plot of a telenovela.

This paragon of disinterest graced us—barely—with his presence, devoid of a greeting, sans smile, as if we were invisible specters haunting his shift. The menus didn’t land on our table; they crash-landed with all the grace of a toddler flinging cereal. A fleeting appearance, a dramatic exit, leaving us in the echoes of his apathy.

But darling, just when you thought the narrative was doomed to the depths of despair, enter the unsung heroes of the tale: the juices and vegan smoothies. Oh, honey, they didn’t just taste good—they pirouetted on my palate like prima ballerinas twirling in a spotlight. A medley of flavors so divine, they nearly compensated for the tragicomedy of customer service. Each sip a sonnet, each gulp a standing ovation in my mouth.

Was this avant-garde service a bold managerial choice? A performance art piece titled "Customer Neglect: A Study"? I can't say, darling. I’m just here, recounting the audacity of it all, with a...

We stopped here on a whim for a quick drink, but it turned out to be a complete waste of time. We sat at one of the outdoor tables and a waitress appeared briefly, placed a menu on the table without a word, and disappeared never to be seen again.

We only wanted a simple drink, but had no chance to say anything. After a while, a male server finally came over and took our order… and that was the last we saw of him in any professional capacity.

Instead of following through, he spent most of his time standing nearby chatting at length with a gay couple about the lack of gay bars in Lisbon. Meanwhile, another male customer who arrived after us was promptly served a cocktail before we’d received even a glass of water.

At that point, it became clear that we weren’t just being ignored we were being deliberately overlooked. The only logical conclusion: heterosexual discrimination.

After 10 pointless minutes, we voted with our feet and left. I can only hope the server enjoyed the rest of his next day, perhaps giving his friends a guided tour of all the gay bars in town because clearly, he had no interest in doing...