Eulogy — Local services in Asheville

“Eulogy Bar and Venue: A Symphony of Incompetence”

By Seth , the Bard of Brutality

Act I: The Prelude

Ah, dear reader, let me regale you with a tale of woe, a cacophony of incompetence that unfolded within the hallowed halls of Eulogy Bar and Venue in Asheville. Picture, if you will, a dimly lit room—a room that promised music, camaraderie, and libations. Alas, what transpired was nothing short of a tragicomedy, a symphony of shattered expectations.

Act II: The Overture

I, too, had procured a ticket—a golden parchment that whispered promises of entry into the realm of Weedeater, the stoner metal gods. Seventy dollars, a princely sum, exchanged for the privilege of witnessing the riff-laden apocalypse. But lo, the fates conspired against me.

Scene I: The Denial

As the sun dipped below the Blue Ridge Mountains, I presented my ticket at Eulogy’s gates. A mere slip of paper, yet it bore the weight of my anticipation. Alas, the gatekeeper—a surly fellow with the charm of a tax collector—glared at me. “Full house,” he grunted, as if denying entry to a condemned soul. “No room for you.”

Scene II: The Betrayal

“But the ticket!” I protested, my voice rising like a crescendo. “Does it not guarantee passage?”

The gatekeeper scoffed, his eyes devoid of empathy. “Guarantees? Ha! We sold more tickets than there are atoms in the universe. You’re but a quark in the grand cosmic symphony.”

Act III: The Discordant Notes

Within, the venue thrummed with life—a mélange of sweat, spilled beer, and broken dreams. The stage, a distant mirage, taunted me. The crowd swayed, oblivious to my plight. And there, on the precipice of despair, I glimpsed the band—Weedeater, their beards resplendent, their amplifiers roaring. But I, dear reader, stood outside, a ghost in the orchestra pit.

Scene III: The Epilogue

And so, Eulogy Bar and Venue, your name shall echo through the annals of infamy. Your sound system crackled like a dying fire, your bartenders moved with the grace of drunken walruses, and your capacity management—ah, a masterpiece of incompetence. You, sirs and madams, have orchestrated a symphony of disappointment.

Curtain Falls

And thus concludes our tragic tale. Let this review be a requiem for lost dreams, a dirge for the seventy dollars that vanished like smoke. As for Eulogy, may your roof leak, your taps run dry, and your stage collapse mid-performance. Fare thee ill, Eulogy Bar and Venue—may your legacy be etched in the annals of ineptitude. One star is too good for the likes of Eulogy where paying costomers refused entry and tickets are just...

I'm always excited to hear that there is a new live music venue in town, but acoustics 101 dictates that you can't book amplified music in a rectangular room with parallel walls and all hard surfaces. That is and always will be a recipe for acoustic disaster and so I can't stand the sound of the booming and out of control room. The space is literally dangerous to everyone's hearing, including and especially the employees, so I don't understand why OSHA doesn't get involved in these kind of things and make sure that entertainment environments are safe for all. And even though I have expressed my concerns to the owners several times, they have never responded and as far as I know, have done nothing to address major acoustic deficiencies in the room. I do hope that they will hang lots of baffles and other soft, cushy stuff to fix the acoustics someday because I would love to go to some of...

Bar staff is very pretty and very rude. Went and saw a show there and was just generally underwhelmed. It's 100% aesthetic and I'm sure their Instagram tagged photos will look great. Nowhere to sit or lean unless you want to pay extra for the VIP line of chairs on one wall. If you have any mobility issues, it's a skip. Also the lighting was weird, at one point during the show a blue light was shone directly into one of the ceiling fans causing a serious strobe right in our eyes, which is dangerous for obvious reasons. Cash only, and you'll have to download an app for your tickets, so that's weird and exclusive. It's a room that you can stand in and stare at the back of someone's head while you listen to music. Sound was fine, clean enough minus the sticky floors. Drink menu was alright, and I will say the air circulation was fantastic. Those fans really did a...